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I need advice. I'm currently seeing a widower. Met almost two weeks ago. Nothing too serious as of yet, just in the getting to know you phase. His wife passed nine months ago.

I think he's been so lonely that having someone to talk to now has him oversharing. He's had a lot on his mind for quite a while obviously and is still in the process of figuring out how to navigate this new life he's found himself in and I think he's doing a lot of "talking out loud" to get it all straight in his head.

When his wife passed he inherited a lot from her. They had both been married previously but she never had children so everything went to him. He is now what I would consider wealthy and I have always intentionally avoided meeting wealthy men. I'm just not comfortable with it. I had been under the impression he was more of an average Joe financially. The way he dresses and his occupation combined with his personality had me really liking him but now I don't know how to navigate.

I really wish he hadn't shared this information with me. I feel like he's put me in a no win situation. How is he going to know if a woman is truly interested in him? The answer is he can't, not now at least with me. I feel like that topic will now be like a black cloud following my every move.
😐 I wouldn't know what the heck to do... the widowed part that is

Though IMO inheritance doesn't mean wealth especially if he doesn't know what to do with it, if he isn't materialistic and it's not influencing his personality then why not?
 

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I don't think he's thinking straight, it's only been 9 months since she passed!

At the risk of sounding like an ass, it sounds like he needs a therapist, not a date/gf. Can you just be friends?
I'm having similar thoughts. I did do some research and learned that everyone moves on at different paces, some right away, others take much longer and yet others never do move on.

He's stated a few times that he knows his wife would want him to move on and try to find happiness and I agree that any loving wife would want that for her husband but knowing that doesn't automatically render him ready!
 

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😐 I wouldn't know what the heck to do... the widowed part that is

Though IMO inheritance doesn't mean wealth especially if he doesn't know what to do with it, if he isn't materialistic and it's not influencing his personality then why not?

I get what your saying but what I'm thinking as far as his financial status goes he is making a target out of himself. If he runs across the wrong woman he'll never know what hit him and how will he even know how to differentiate between a good woman and one with negative intentions? He'd have to be a mind reader.
 

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I'm having similar thoughts. I did do some research and learned that everyone moves on at different paces, some right away, others take much longer and yet others never do move on.

He's stated a few times that he knows his wife would want him to move on and try to find happiness and I agree that any loving wife would want that for her husband but knowing that doesn't automatically render him ready!
Quite the conundrum. It's not just about him either, suppose you really like him, then he craps out on you to heal up?

Sorry about the pessimism, but 9 months is really fresh. Heck, you know folks advise staying away from recently divorced people, I can't imagine it would be any easier to date a very recent widower.

How's he been dealing with it? Does he go to therapy or have a support group? Or is he laying everything out on you? You're already concerned about his oversharing... some food for thought.
 

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Day dates are fun especially if they morph into an all-day if you hit it off!
Well we both have responsibilities in the evening so it won't be an all day lol

We are both also quite busy, she has alot on her plate as she's working a day job (she has her own business as well) as well as her own creative works. Like how cool is that!!! I always find the best 🤗

We went to the Natural Science museum for our first date. We met up at 10 and spent the day walking in the nearby Japanese gardens and then through the museum, then we ended up having dinner at a nearby restaurant.

Is there anything you both enjoy that you could go to walk and talk?

Ha! That would be interesting. I've been on a couple of double dates, and I think my bf's friend is an INTJ, not sure what his wife is though :unsure: We did dinner and an escape room, it was fun figuring out stuff.
Escape room... oooo lunch + escape room hmmmm 😊

We are both sinking in each other's thoughts on text so far, would be interesting to see how we go about as a team. Unsure about museum, I went to a contemporary museum with ex and I was like how TF is this art? 😅
 

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I get what your saying but what I'm thinking as far as his financial status goes he is making a target out of himself. If he runs across the wrong woman he'll never know what hit him and how will he even know how to differentiate between a good woman and one with negative intentions? He'd have to be a mind reader.
Yeah not something you should really let people know, just say widowed why bring up the inheritance? Maybe he is like you said just thinking out loud and figuring things out.

Or maybe he thinks his newfound wealth will up his chances 😅🤦‍♂️
 

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Well we both have responsibilities in the evening so it won't be an all day lol

We are both also quite busy, she has alot on her plate as she's working a day job (she has her own business as well) as well as her own creative works. Like how cool is that!!! I always find the best 🤗
Hey, you do you. I hope you have a good time, but don't put too much pressure on yourself.

Escape room... oooo lunch + escape room hmmmm 😊

We are both sinking in each other's thoughts on text so far, would be interesting to see how we go about as a team. Unsure about museum, I went to a contemporary museum with ex and I was like how TF is this art? 😅
I said Natural Science museum!

Have you seen some of that crap? Some of it IS literally crap, as in they use body fluids. It makes me wonder if people just fawn over it to sound cool or fit it, b/c I don't see the appeal either.
 

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Hey, you do you. I hope you have a good time, but don't put too much pressure on yourself.
I'm feeling quite cozy so far with her, but I still don't know how long she's been single though... no idea how this will turn out lol

I said Natural Science museum!

Have you seen some of that crap? Some of it IS literally crap, as in they use body fluids. It makes me wonder if people just fawn over it to sound cool or fit it, b/c I don't see the appeal either.
Omg it's not just us? So you too had someone jizzing all over the place and slapping his name on it calling it his masterpiece?! 🤦‍♂️
 

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Thanks you guys! I'm going to talk to him, tell him he's got a friend if he needs one. He seems to be a good guy but I don't think he sees what a mess he still is.
You're a real decent person to consider his state of mind and vulnerability, girl. Hopefully, he thinks about it and addresses it. That concern about blabbing about his finances so early is very legitimate. I can't imagine how that's anyone's business anyway unless you're talking marriage.
 

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I'm feeling quite cozy so far with her, but I still don't know how long she's been single though... no idea how this will turn out lol
And what could you do about it anyway? Don't worry about the outcome. I know, easier said than done, especially if you're really into someone.

Omg it's not just us? So you too had someone jizzing all over the place and slapping his name on it calling it his masterpiece?! 🤦‍♂️
Oh no! They got to y'all down under too?! That stuff just disgusts me, and I regard anyone who eats it up enthusiastically as a dumbass.
 

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And what could you do about it anyway? Don't worry about the outcome. I know, easier said than done, especially if you're really into someone.
I think that's the problem bc we both been chatting and sharing so much naturally and found a mental connection already... raising the stakes...

I just hope we can remain friends if things don't go well as I don't meet people like this often and last date has really made me appreciate someone I can mentally dive into, like really what a baby poll that one was.

Oh no! They got to y'all down under too?! That stuff just disgusts me, and I regard anyone who eats it up enthusiastically as a dumbass.
Yes and reading the plague they are so proud of it! I thought whoever did that was unique but I guess not if its in the U.S. too, unless it's the same person jizzing all over the place and putting it in museums around the world... or maybe it's a trend now jizz-art :LOL:
 

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I do truly believe he’s got a genuine interest in me but he’s just not ready! And he’ll do this Jekyll and Hyde thing. All gung ho and friendly and sweet but then he turns dark and broody. So yes definitely friend zoned! 😉
Guessing he's not hot enough for benefits either :LOL: speaking of which what happened with the other one?
 

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Well, taken writer girl out, was a nice lunch, we managed to work well in the escape room too and made it through to the end, had a drink after to celebrate, sat in a park, we were talking and laughing up until the very last moment, but we are both INTJs... 6 hrs and only ended because we both have places to be. We click. I like her 😊

She's also really sexy and gorgeous, in great shape, great fashion sense, longest natural lashes I've ever seen I was like do you know how jealous other women would be 😆 and she was like she hates them because it's in the way of her glasses, several naughty thoughts entered my mind in the escape room...

She remembered she promised a signed copy of her book and she actually brought it, but she forgot to bring a pen so I told her she'll just have to sign it next time 😌 hehe

Yeah going to keep seeing this one, there are a few things and she isn't as open, she has a loving family, she mentioned trauma but not from a relationship which I didn't push but I am concerned about but I'm sure she will reveal in time.
 

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Well, taken writer girl out, was a nice lunch, we managed to work well in the escape room too and made it through to the end, had a drink after to celebrate, sat in a park, we were talking and laughing up until the very last moment, but we are both INTJs... 6 hrs and only ended because we both have places to be. We click. I like her 😊

She's also really sexy and gorgeous, in great shape, great fashion sense, longest natural lashes I've ever seen I was like do you know how jealous other women would be 😆 and she was like she hates them because it's in the way of her glasses, several naughty thoughts entered my mind in the escape room...

She remembered she promised a signed copy of her book and she actually brought it, but she forgot to bring a pen so I told her she'll just have to sign it next time 😌 hehe

Yeah going to keep seeing this one, there are a few things and she isn't as open, she has a loving family, she mentioned trauma but not from a relationship which I didn't push but I am concerned about but I'm sure she will reveal in time.
Ah ha, so you did an escape room!

I'm glad you had fun, it sounds like it went really well and you guys are interested in each other. So.... did ya kiss her?
 

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Ah ha, so you did an escape room!

I'm glad you had fun, it sounds like it went really well and you guys are interested in each other. So.... did ya kiss her?
Nah can sense her reservations and I have my own, going to take my time. I placed my arm around her once and leaned in for a whisper about something when we were at the park, her body was very tense and as such I didn't make any further physical advances. First meet and day date anyway so not for now...
 

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Nah can sense her reservations and I have my own, going to take my time. I placed my arm around her once and leaned in for a whisper about something when we were at the park, her body was very tense and as such I didn't make any further physical advances. First meet and day date anyway so not for now...
Damn son, you're making me feel bad now 😆 . My bf and I mauled each other immediately, been hot and heavy ever since.
 
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