[RandomDude]

Maybe it's a disconnect but I could sense chemistry over the phone. When the conversation just flows, hours fly by and they feel like minutes. Even writing back and forth online sometimes. If they're ghosting you after one answer that's bad chemistry.

Plus "answer" would imply there's a lot of questions being asked back and forth which makes for bad conversation and chemistry anyway. If you're sending lots of answers instead of replies it's probably going nowhere.

When I was waiting for my wife to show up for our first date I wasn't stressed or nervous because I already knew from our phone and online interactions I was into her. I was in full on courting mode. No indecisiveness whatsoever. The only question was whether or not she'd find me acceptable in person and I wasn't taking that personally anymore so it was a fun wait.

Perhaps you got lucky, I no longer have faith in gauging chemistry before the first meet. I've had perceived higher and lower with different people but that chemistry doesn't mean the other person is even ready or looking for a physical relationship.

Have two flakers in a row now, first one where the conversation flowed like you mentioned, heavy flirting, pics videos and pet names. Excitement in meeting up until the last minutes.

Second one was more obviously flaky, and ended up being honest about it that it's her problem, that was this morning. She even shared stories of other guys she flaked on. 🙄

Both simply more war stories for ya all in the trenches of online dating. NEVER put your eggs in one basket with online dating. That's just ridiculous.

 

[gaius]

Perhaps you got lucky, I no longer have faith in gauging chemistry before the first meet. I've had perceived higher and lower with different people but that chemistry doesn't mean the other person is even ready or looking for a physical relationship.

Have two flakers in a row now, first one where the conversation flowed like you mentioned, heavy flirting, pics videos and pet names. Excitement in meeting up until the last minutes.

Second one was more obviously flaky, and ended up being honest about it that it's her problem, that was this morning. She even shared stories of other guys she flaked on. 🙄

Both simply more war stories for ya all in the trenches of online dating. NEVER put your eggs in one basket with online dating. That's just ridiculous.

I don't think it's an issue of luck really. I think you're under the impression that dating is just an exercise in finding the right person for you. That every pot has a lid. But there's more to it than that.

You seem to gravitate toward these more aggressive women, who are flirtatious and really into it fairly quickly. Who stroke your ego. That's who you feel chemistry with. But those women aren't being genuine. They're engaging in stripper like behavior. And they don't value or develop deep attraction for men who play into it. Like strippers and customers.

Just for some added context, my wife and I were in different states and talked for 3-4 months before we met in person and she was not immediately affectionate with me. Despite our obvious chemistry she wanted to be friends at first. I only earned her flirtation through relentless pursuit. Something you've said you're extremely hesitant to engage in Random.

But that's the kind of thing women value and you have to be aware that you're providing them something of real value. It would be nice if I could just show up and be me, however I feel like being, and women everywhere would drop their panties and leap into bed (not that I would take any of them up on it since I'm married to the woman of my dreams ), but that's not how it really works for any of us.

 

[RandomDude]

I don't think it's an issue of luck really. I think you're under the impression that dating is just an exercise in finding the right person for you. That every pot has a lid. But there's more to it than that.

It is luck, you found someone with chemistry and married her. Not everyone finds that, and not everyone should put their faith in what they think is chemistry before they meet. Maybe your intuition and sixth sense is better than the rest of us who knows, but I failed to discern it in one of my recent flakes.

You seem to gravitate toward these more aggressive women, who are flirtatious and really into it fairly quickly. Who stroke your ego. That's who you feel chemistry with. But those women aren't being genuine. They're engaging in stripper like behavior. And they don't value or develop deep attraction for men who play into it. Like strippers and customers.

The only aggressive and flirty woman I put up with was an organic encounter 6 months ago and I resisted her for 2 months even though she was very seductive. She's far from the only one I ever felt chemistry with and even with her it was pure sexual chemistry and nothing else.

Just for some added context, my wife and I were in different states and talked for 3-4 months before we met in person and she was not immediately affectionate with me. Despite our obvious chemistry she wanted to be friends at first. I only earned her flirtation through relentless pursuit. Something you've said you're extremely hesitant to engage in Random.

But that's the kind of thing women value and you have to be aware that you're providing them something of real value. It would be nice if I could just show up and be me, however I feel like being, and women everywhere would drop their panties and leap into bed (not that I would take any of them up on it since I'm married to the woman of my dreams ), but that's not how it really works for any of us.

3-4 months and not driving distance? Well yeah of course I'll be hesitant lol. Heck no meet up these days and she is either a flake or a scammer. Online dating is fked these days. Not that it was any better back in the day anyway.

I only scored one home run, who's one of few who have been straight up with me, the rest I haven't even reached first base even after 5 dates. I can be patient but there needs to be consistent progress, "friends" first sure whatever. But once the momentum is gone I don't see the point sticking around when there is no chemistry, then it's "just friends" and that's for good.

Also I don't chase, two steps forward and that's it. If she ain't dancing I'm walking away. If she wants a chaser sure, but I'm not one.

 

[Peanutbutter]

No, sounds like that would be a little controlling of them, no? I mean how well can you know a person after just one date?! That's a pretty serious decision to make based on just one meeting, regardless of how well it went.

 

[David60525]

If, after one date, the woman says if you want to a second date, would you let her tell you that you can't see other women? You've only had the one date, and don't know her well yet.

And reverse the gender, women, would you let a one date guy tell you the same?

He'll no