Talk About Marriage banner
221 - 240 of 265 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,121 Posts
I just find it funny that the majority of people participating in this thread are married and haven’t had a first date in decades 😂
I participated in this and also laughed with your comment. You’re absolutely right. Plus many who haven’t had experience with online dating too; and which is different to other scenarios mentioned in these threads of meeting others.

Still, there are also posters here that contribute who have never been married or …insert variety of experiences and lack of… that many of us, myself included, who offer thoughts regardless. Welcome to the internet!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,710 Posts
Yeah, me too. Maybe this is a UK/US difference, but I really don't get this thing of dating multiple people. Can't you make your mind up? As far as I'm concerned, dating even one person is time consuming and financially expensive, so I'm either interested enough to be exclusive (for now), or else not interested enough for a second date. And the same for the woman. If she's not interested enough in me to want exclusivity, then next.
Not a UK/US thing. I am a monogamous dater. One at a time. All my attention went to the one I was dating. If I started dating another, I never would have went back to prior. I expected same in return.

If I was dating a girl and found out she had went out with other dudes after, we can be friends but nothing more afterward. I am one that loyalty and honor are paramount and of utmost importance.

When in HS, there was a girl that me and buddy were friendly with and hung out at her house. I warned her about him and what he does to girls. I liked the girl and would have taken a relationship her seriously. She went there with my pump and dump buddy....then he ghosted her. She complained about him and later said to me, "So, when are we gonna go out?" Um.... we ain't! I would not let my German Shepherd mount anyone after my buddy had sex with them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,339 Posts
I participated in this and also laughed with your comment. You’re absolutely right. Plus many who haven’t had experience with online dating too; and which is different to other scenarios mentioned in these threads of meeting others.

Still, there are also posters here that contribute who have never been married or …insert variety of experiences and lack of… that many of us, myself included, who offer thoughts regardless. Welcome to the internet!
Oh yes, nothing wrong with it at all. I just was thinking it to myself and it made me laugh. Everyone’s opinions are valid. It’s what make this site so good for banter!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,710 Posts
I am one of those who needs immediate chemistry. I am a visceral person. Upon meeting a new man, I either thought I'd date him or I barely noticed the guy. When the guy opened his mouth that is what I knew whether I would go on a date with him but it would take a few dates for me to figure out if this was going to be more than a bit of fun. I rarely wanted to have a conversation about exclusivity before the one month mark because i preferred to sit back, watch & observe both him & my reactions to him.
Kinda hard to do all that while at the same time busy with all these other dudes you are dating.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,710 Posts
The question involves reading between the lines quite a bit. Are they just meaning they are wanting to date one person at a time to give a fair shake in seeing if they are a good fit or not?

Or are they really meaning they are wanting some kind future commitment of marriage and permanency?


Historically I have only dated people that I was already familiar with and already had a solid interest in before the first date.


Some I had even had make sessions or even actual sex before the first actual date.

So in that sense I would probably be ok with early dating exclusivity but it would have to be with the understanding that it would not be any kind of commitment towards cohabitation or marriage or anything like that and that either party could end the agreement at any time.

In other words I could agree in theory to not see anyone else until the next date. But any date could be the last.
1st paragraph is spot on. If the one I was dating wanted to date around I would remove myself from her options. As in my mind she would be seen as someone just out for a good time and no longer worthy of me investing my time in.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,710 Posts
I agree.

Here's a question I'd like the answer to: next time a woman uses the term soul mate with you, ask her how many other people she's used that term to describe in her life, haaaa! I'd love to know the response. I'd do it, but not many men use the term so I haven't had the opportunity to ask that.
My wife is only one I use that term with. References the level of connection we have to each other.

Some times I think my wife is telepathic... she can read me like a book.
Same way we always speak what the other is thinking before they can say it.
We were opposites in abilities, personalities, childhoods and even physical attributes.
Together we are a perfect complete team in unison.

We had prayed for each other, both sick and tired of opposite sex and ready to give up. First night I met her and her parents at the lake( I was a Park Ranger) after I left, her dad told her mom, that boy is gonna be your son in law. Her parents worked with my dad. She looked up my number and called me.

There are several other instances that shows God's hands in our situation.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,710 Posts
Honestly, it may be laziness or busyness on my part. I'm not looking at dating at all at the moment for those two reasons. If I was dating, I'd date that person until they rule themselves out in some way.

And conversely, if a woman has had a date with me, and still wants to go looking for other people, I'm going to suspect she just likes dating; which is not the kind of partner I want.

But I also stand by what I said before, I think there is a UK/US cultural difference on this also.
Nope..I'm right there with you on dating.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,733 Posts
One time I went on a first date with a really cute bartender. It was a nice date, we had a good time. He told me that dating lots of different people was a good way to learn about yourself, that it was fun and you made lots of friends and stayed busy... he was nice but I could tell that if we went on a second, third, fifth, hundredth date... I would never mean anything to him, never be the only person he was seeing, he wasn't interested in settling down or having a relationship, he just wanted... playmates. I mean, that's fine, I think he was being really honest with me and telling me the truth, which is way better than the ones who lied about it. He didn't specifically say "I'm going to date lots of women, you are just one of many," but he did tell me in kinder, gentler words that there was no chance I'd be more than an occasional diversion. I didn't accept a second date. We weren't on the same page. He was a nice person, just not for me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,710 Posts
My feeling is it's a safety issue. I mean, anyone can keep it together to write some nice persuasive messages and then behave themselves on a first date, but it takes a lot longer than that to be sure they're not
View attachment 89310

So why would you want to commit to a stranger? If they turn out to be crazy, that only gives them more leverage over you when you want to leave peacefully.

And, please, naive people, PUHLENTY of men and women will happily tell you, Sure, we'll be exclusive, and then go right on about doing what they want to do, knowing the whole time you are stuck sitting at home by yourself while they are free to roam. I'm saying that will happen more likely than not, and this has gone on since time began. So why commit to exclusivity with someone you have zero idea if their word is even good? Because you don't. A date is not a marriage proposition or a commitment.
Good morning.......Clarice!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
20,770 Posts
One time I went on a first date with a really cute bartender. It was a nice date, we had a good time. He told me that dating lots of different people was a good way to learn about yourself, that it was fun and you made lots of friends and stayed busy... he was nice but I could tell that if we went on a second, third, fifth, hundredth date... I would never mean anything to him, never be the only person he was seeing, he wasn't interested in settling down or having a relationship, he just wanted... playmates. I mean, that's fine, I think he was being really honest with me and telling me the truth, which is way better than the ones who lied about it. He didn't specifically say "I'm going to date lots of women, you are just one of many," but he did tell me in kinder, gentler words that there was no chance I'd be more than an occasional diversion. I didn't accept a second date. We weren't on the same page. He was a nice person, just not for me.
It's true, it helps you find yourself after a breakup.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,255 Posts
Not a chance. If someone even suggested as much after a first date I would assume they were batsh*t crazy. I also think that asking for or offering exclusivity is nearly meaningless these days.

I think the best way to handle this sort of thing is to keep your mouth shut about exclusivity, who else you or your date might be seeing, etc. Just keep seeing someone and pay attention to how things are going. If you feel like you're being treated like one option out of many then you are likely correct. If the person you are dating always has time for you and is treating you like they want to progress things, that is pretty obvious too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,710 Posts
This.

You talk with someone and you go out with them and you’re like, “Meh… maybe? Let me see who else is out there and just in case will keep stringing this one along.”

Doesn’t sound great to me. Rather just be NOPE and then onto the next one.
All the talk about this subject reminds me of Mambo #5

A little bit of Monica in my life
A little bit of Erica by my side
A little bit of Rita is all I need
A little bit of Tina is what I see
A little bit of Sandra in the sun
A little bit of Mary all night long
A little bit of Jessica, here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man!
 
221 - 240 of 265 Posts
Top