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NOTE: any loss should be divided equally between you two.

1 - when is the 5th year on the mortgage coming up?

2- have you disgusted and confirmed the sales value of your house with a realtor?

3 - is my understanding correct that if you sell the house after the 5th year, then there will still be no cash left over for you two to divide?
 

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Discussion Starter #402
?? You don't find it disgusting that she actually uttered the words that you should "fight for her"??? A woman who is attracted to another man? And she has the balls to say that to you? She must think she is a princess, and she knows you think so too.

You have a valid point. The tricky part is that she wants me to fight for her daughter too as I have been in her life the past 7 years and trust me, that part is hard.

If the shoe were on the other foot and it was you who was involved with someone else, I could see her saying that. But with the situation as it is, it's so much entitlement it's gross. And it's troubling you don't see that on your own. I agree but I am at a point now where I dont think I can go back even if she tries and makes me feel guilty for it.
 

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Discussion Starter #403
NOTE: any loss should be divided equally between you two.

1 - when is the 5th year on the mortgage coming up? 3 years from now.

2- have you disgusted and confirmed the sales value of your house with a realtor? Not yet.

3 - is my understanding correct that if you sell the house after the 5th year, then there will still be no cash left over for you two to divide? If I sell the house after the 5th year, there will no longer be any penalty.
 

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You deserve to be with a partner that makes you feel safe from infidelilty and good about yourself. She had many chances and failed over and over.

IMO, your partner wants freedom to socialize with Dave and her old toxic crowd/cesspool that living with you rescued her from.

And she wants to do it wherever and whenever and as long as she wants without answering to you (or you being present).

".... I am at a point now where I dont think I can go back even if she tries and makes me feel guilty for it."

The above sounds like you're ready to exit the relationship.

If that's the case (and IMO it's over due), I suggest: you do it sooner than later (even though Xmas is coming up fast).
Why? because among other things, she is dangerous to your mental health.
 

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There are women who choose men for what they can do for them — especially if the women have children. Do you feel she’s done that? I ask because it sounds like she constantly pushes you to do stuff financially for her daughter when you aren’t married to her. If you wanted to do whatever it is she keeps asking for that would be one thing but if you don’t then she should have stopped asking long ago. Why is that?
 

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Discussion Starter #407
You deserve to be with a partner that makes you feel safe from infidelilty and good about yourself. She had many chances and failed over and over.

IMO, your partner wants freedom to socialize with Dave and her old toxic crowd/cesspool that living with you rescued her from.

And she wants to do it wherever and whenever and as long as she wants without answering to you (or you being present).

".... I am at a point now where I dont think I can go back even if she tries and makes me feel guilty for it."

The above sounds like you're ready to exit the relationship.

If that's the case (and IMO it's over due), I suggest: you do it sooner than later (even though Xmas is coming up fast).
Why? because among other things, she is dangerous to your mental health. There is some truth to that.
 

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Discussion Starter #408
What does she mean 'fight for her daughter too'?

I guess she feels that I should not allow this relationship to end without a fight since I have been a step father figure for her daughter for several years.

Can you afford the house on your own? I can make it work, it would be tough and would have very little left over after bills are paid. I can probably do it for about a year they I would desire to relocate to a city I have had my eye on for a while now. That's assuming the pandemic is in better shape by then.
 

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Discussion Starter #409
There are women who choose men for what they can do for them — especially if the women have children. Do you feel she’s done that? I ask because it sounds like she constantly pushes you to do stuff financially for her daughter when you aren’t married to her. If you wanted to do whatever it is she keeps asking for that would be one thing but if you don’t then she should have stopped asking long ago. Why is that?
I have had thought this for a long time. My therapist says to not jump to that conclusion. Back when her brother lived with us and was drinking, partying and on drugs, and albeit was struggling with mental illness, she expected me to kick in extra since he wasn't even working. She would not come out directly and say it and but the comment, "If you wanted to do more, you would" came up more than once.

She claims to not care about money and I don't think she is materialistic as some women. But if this relationship dissolves, she will be losing a reliable source of transportation, a fair bit of financial support for her daughter since we split household bills equally, and a nice stable, family home. She has bad credit and can't get a house on her own so she would have to downgrade to an apartment and her daughter may lose a big, comfy bedroom.
 

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"But if this relationship dissolves, she will be losing a reliable source of transportation, a fair bit of financial support for her daughter since we split household bills equally, and a nice stable, family home. She has bad credit and can't get a house on her own so she would have to downgrade to an apartment and her daughter may lose a big, comfy bedroom."

The above is sad but it's not your fault. She had plenty of warning and second chances.

BTW: the daughter has both a father and mother who have primary responsibility.

The reduction in their quality of life is a consequence of her behavior, attitude, and core values.

Let her Bestie, Dave and Dave's brother rescue her. They encouraged/contributed to the destruction of your relationship so let them pick up the pieces.

The next time she tries to guilt you just refer her to the Bestie and Dave. Tell her she can spend all the time she wants now as Dave's groupie.
 

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Discussion Starter #411
"But if this relationship dissolves, she will be losing a reliable source of transportation, a fair bit of financial support for her daughter since we split household bills equally, and a nice stable, family home. She has bad credit and can't get a house on her own so she would have to downgrade to an apartment and her daughter may lose a big, comfy bedroom."

The above is sad but it's not your fault. She had plenty of warning and second chances.

BTW: the daughter has both a father and mother who have primary responsibility. Agreed. The father (and his family for the most part) are bums. That is also sad but not my fault. I have done a lot for the child over the years but I feel my partner has projected her frustration of the biological father's lack of financial support onto me.

The reduction in their quality of life is a consequence of her behavior, attitude, and core values.

Sadly she doesnt see it that way but her desire for Dave last summer is something is always going to rear its head.

Let her Bestie, Dave and Dave's brother rescue her. They encouraged/contributed to the destruction of your relationship so let them pick up the pieces.

The next time she tries to guilt you just refer her to the Bestie and Dave. Tell her she can spend all the time she wants now as Dave's groupie. She will say how Dave is happy in a new relationship now :rolleyes:.
 

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So what's the bottom line? Are you going to stay in this relationship or are you going to terminate it?
 

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I have had thought this for a long time. My therapist says to not jump to that conclusion. Back when her brother lived with us and was drinking, partying and on drugs, and albeit was struggling with mental illness, she expected me to kick in extra since he wasn't even working. She would not come out directly and say it and but the comment, "If you wanted to do more, you would" came up more than once.

She claims to not care about money and I don't think she is materialistic as some women. But if this relationship dissolves, she will be losing a reliable source of transportation, a fair bit of financial support for her daughter since we split household bills equally, and a nice stable, family home. She has bad credit and can't get a house on her own so she would have to downgrade to an apartment and her daughter may lose a big, comfy bedroom.
I’m going to disagree with your therapist about not jumping to that conclusion. I think she wanted someone to help her and her daughter and you fit the bill. At some point she’s likely going to realize what she’s losing and rethink that. Unless she thinks maybe she can manipulate Dave into a relationship and then he can help with her daughter.
 

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Discussion Starter #414
So what's the bottom line? Are you going to stay in this relationship or are you going to terminate it?
As of now it is over. I told I would only consider reconciling if she goes to counseling but as of now she wont.
 

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Discussion Starter #415
I’m going to disagree with your therapist about not jumping to that conclusion. I think she wanted someone to help her and her daughter and you fit the bill. At some point she’s likely going to realize what she’s losing and rethink that. Unless she thinks maybe she can manipulate Dave into a relationship and then he can help with her daughter.
Dave already has 2 daughter and my partner's daughter does not get along with them. Dave has had a GF for 6 months now. I guess that isnt a factor?
 

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From your posts I recall Dave has plenty of women to chose from. Some steady and some on/off. An earlier post months ago mentioned a friend of your wife visiting (and sexing with Dave like the women thought he was a local celebrity).

Your partner was a fool to get involved with him and a bigger fool for not reconciling when you gave her the chance.

Best of all is when you move to another city - it's a complete do over for you. Smart move.

BTW: you may have to help your partner out with a security deposit - but it's worth it to get rid of them. And you can deduct it from her share after you sell the house.
 

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Discussion Starter #419
From your posts I recall Dave has plenty of women to chose from. Some steady and some on/off. An earlier post months ago mentioned a friend of your wife visiting (and sexing with Dave like the women thought he was a local celebrity).

Yes her “sister” (Dads wife’s daughter) went to see Dave during the pandemic and likely slept with him. My partner wasn’t thrilled about it.

Your partner was a fool to get involved with him and a bigger fool for not reconciling when you gave her the chance.

I’m not really sure what she saw in him. I guess he is a better conversationalist than me. Yes once I said NC has to happen (Oct of last year) she became very depressed. I though it was because she missed her bestie but of course I found out a few weeks ago that the NC broke her heart and crushed her soul. I gave in and she hung out with them all shortly after Christmas last year. That was the night she stayed out till 6am and I laid into her when she got home.

Best of all is when you move to another city - it's a complete do over for you.
Smart move.

Yea I have had my eyes on this city for a while. Only really have been staying behind for and the kid.

BTW: you may have to help your partner out with a security deposit - but it's worth it to get rid of them. And you can deduct it from her share after you sell the house.

I’ve been thinking about just giving her the $7K an being done with it. Hope to talk to a lawyer this week.
 

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I don't buy into this "better conversationalist" [email protected] You sound like a pretty good conversationalist to me. He might be a super bullsh!tter more like. And your wife is just lusting after him and buying into his bullsh!t.
 
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