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Discussion Starter #382
You didn't sabotage the relationship - she did (right from the start).

I can't advise you on how to tolerate her inappropriate behavior.
But I can advise you on how to exit an abusive relationship.

You don't need to wait until the $7,000 loan is resolved.
Nor do you need to give her unlimited time to find another place.

1 - First, buy a voice activated recorder and keep it with you at all time. You need to protect yourself from a domestic violence charge.

2 - Stop letting her control everything. Take control of the break up (you'll feel a little better). Stop discussing relationship issues - just be roommates.

3 - The sooner she leaves the sooner you can start healing.

There's a lot of vacancies now because of the pandemic. Consider giving her 1 week to get out (or at least sign a lease) - or you will pack their bags and move them both to Dave's house.
You didn't sabotage the relationship - she did (right from the start).

I can't advise you on how to tolerate her inappropriate behavior.
But I can advise you on how to exit an abusive relationship.

You don't need to wait until the $7,000 loan is resolved.
Nor do you need to give her unlimited time to find another place.

1 - First, buy a voice activated recorder and keep it with you at all time. You need to protect yourself from a domestic violence charge.

I actually had one and occasionally recorded her, included when she recently admitted that her heart broke when she couldnt see Dave anymore. I got rid of it because she said she actually had a suspiction I was recording her. Isn't that illegal?

2 - Stop letting her control everything. Take control of the break up (you'll feel a little better). Stop discussing relationship issues - just be roommates.

3 - The sooner she leaves the sooner you can start healing.

There's a lot of vacancies now because of the pandemic. Consider giving her 1 week to get out (or at least sign a lease) - or you will pack their bags and move them both to Dave's house.

I am not sure I can legally? My name is on the mortgage only though.
 

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She wants you to get back with her on her terms and that means you let her do whatever she chooses.

She doesn’t care if Dave has a current gf. Maybe she thinks if they live in the same house as roommates that she has a shot.
 

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"I actually had one and occasionally recorded her, included when she recently admitted that her heart broke when she couldnt see Dave anymore. I got rid of it because she said she actually had a suspiction I was recording her. Isn't that illegal? "
Which state do you live in? Some states allow one-party recording (so if YOU are in the conversation, you can record it even if the other party does NOT know about it), others require 2-party - you just have to look it up for your state.
 

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Discussion Starter #386
"I actually had one and occasionally recorded her, included when she recently admitted that her heart broke when she couldnt see Dave anymore. I got rid of it because she said she actually had a suspiction I was recording her. Isn't that illegal? "
Which state do you live in? Some states allow one-party recording (so if YOU are in the conversation, you can record it even if the other party does NOT know about it), others require 2-party - you just have to look it up for your state.
I live in Newfoundland, Canada.
 

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OP, this should not be about whether you catch her talking to or being with Dave. The writing is very clearly written on the wall.

She is crazy about Dave. Her heart breaks when she can't be with him.

This is all you need to know and she has stated it as clearly as anyone would need to understand. Whether Dave is a better conversationalist or has a "current girlfriend" is immaterial (and is bullcrap anyway). That should be more than enough to end this farce. You need to be with someone who isn't crazy about another man.

In addition to this she has friends and a circle of others who do not give a crap about her relationship with you. Of course she doesn't want you to go or breakup right now. Of course she wants you to "fight for her and her daughter". It would be very impractical and uncomfortable for her otherwise. Be sure that if Dave provided a modicum of assurance to her (and her daughter), she would be gone like a bat out of hell. Deep down you know this. So why in hell's name are you not doing something about just this. She cannot talk her way out of saying what she said. In fact, she confirmed it to you again and again that she is attracted to him.

As for whether she has been with him or not is irrelevant right now. She desires him more than you and will find bullcrap reasons to explain it to you in terms of conversationalism etc etc. And you are (a) a nice guy, and (b) too worried or codependent to let her go.

Who wants a wife knowing she desires and lusts after another man that she still sees and talks to and runs around not telling you where she is to avoid this. As for doing anything with others while "broken up", come on man! She is supposed to have been with you all this time - does it really count for nothing even if you had just broken up. The norm is to grieve over a lost relationship not go round looking for the next gig immediately.
 

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I live in Newfoundland, Canada.
Seems like as long as YOU are a part of the conversation, it is legal:

 

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She is your drug............you will succumb to it....unless you break the chains

 

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She is trying to get you to be ok with her being around Dave since you know he has a GF dont you.

Not fighting for her....you should not have to fight for her. That is about her, she is upset you are not eating her crap and being greatful. In her mind you should be glad she is gracing you with her presence. I would not fight for a woman that plainly shows she would rather be with another man. Show her ass the door, she is not worthy.
 

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1 - Has her renewed face to face contact with her Bestie and Dave and Dave's brother (and anyone else hanging around Dave's house) increased your exposure to Covid 19?

Does this latest project (event) increase her (and your) exposure to Covid 19?

2 - Are you driving her around again?

3 - Are you continuing to subsidize her and/or her daughter?

4 - I understand she's not on the mortgage - but is she on the deed (or title)?

5 - She's an event planner? Has she been paying her share of the housing expenses during the pandemic?

6 - Who owns the furniture?

7 - IMO, since you two agreed to be partners (as investors) in the house, you should either: get a line of credit on the house to pay her off; or sell the house. If you're the only one on the deed the sales proceeds will go to you. Then you can deduct from her share whatever you believe she & the daughter owe you.
 

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Discussion Starter #397
1 - Has her renewed face to face contact with her Bestie and Dave and Dave's brother (and anyone else hanging around Dave's house) increased your exposure to Covid 19? Hard to say. In my province, there is only 9 active cases so we are pretty protected here. That said, I do not know who else those people are hanging with.

Does this latest project (event) increase her (and your) exposure to Covid 19? She is around a lot of people, some from other provinces so in theory, yes.

2 - Are you driving her around again? I am on occasion.

3 - Are you continuing to subsidize her and/or her daughter? Nothing has changed as of yet with finances.

4 - I understand she's not on the mortgage - but is she on the deed (or title)? No.

5 - She's an event planner? Has she been paying her share of the housing expenses during the pandemic? Events coordinator is one of the hats she wears. She has been paying her share.

6 - Who owns the furniture? We bought most of it together.

7 - IMO, since you two agreed to be partners (as investors) in the house, you should either: get a line of credit on the house to pay her off; or sell the house. If you're the only one on the deed the sales proceeds will go to you. Then you can deduct from her share whatever you believe she & the daughter owe you. What do you mean, what they owe ME? My concern is that if I have to sell the house for less than what I bought it for, I would lose out if I just give her the $7K. Also note that a penalty will be assessed if I sell the house within 5 years of buying it. Right now the penalty is about $10K.
 

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Why would you be assessed a penalty of 10k for selling the house??

If the house is worth less than what it was when you bought it, she just might be out her 7k. She made an investment that didn't pay off. **** happens.

Also, her equity of 7k might be gone after paying realtor fees if you had to sell.

Lastly, the fact that she uttered the phrase "fight for her" should be all you need to hear to be actually disgusted by her.
 

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Discussion Starter #399
Why would you be assessed a penalty of 10k for selling the house??

The maturity date of the mortgage is 5 years. When I first signed, I did so knowing that we would be assessed a penalty if we sold the house within 5 years of buying it.

If the house is worth less than what it was when you bought it, she just might be out her 7k. She made an investment that didn't pay off. **** happens. Yea that is what I am thinking.

Also, her equity of 7k might be gone after paying realtor fees if you had to sell. True

Lastly, the fact that she uttered the phrase "fight for her" should be all you need to hear to be actually disgusted by her. Why you say that?
 

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?? You don't find it disgusting that she actually uttered the words that you should "fight for her"??? A woman who is attracted to another man? And she has the balls to say that to you? She must think she is a princess, and she knows you think so too.

If the shoe were on the other foot and it was you who was involved with someone else, I could see her saying that. But with the situation as it is, it's so much entitlement it's gross. And it's troubling you don't see that on your own.
 
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