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Ok folks, I am getting prepared to be yelled at. This is a follow up to this post from several weeks back:

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/435671-signs-cheating.html

So things cooled down but since we haven't been intimate in weeks, I still had a suspicion something was up. I did something that I know was wrong - I went through her phone and found several texts that jumped out. They all occurred around June 10 - at a time where our relationship was seemingly in a better state than it is now (and only a month after I went back to my hometown to spread my mom's ashes after her passing in the Spring). I attached two of the texts. The name has been erased. Basically the guy I had concerns about before came up in the texts. My partner's texts are on the right side of the screen. Seems like my partner did something inappropriate; maybe not hook up with him but mentioned something along the lines of having feelings for him? I found another text (not attached) to someone else around the same time saying something along the lines "doing something stupid".

Note this was before the incidents which I discussed in the above post. So the question is: Is is clear now something happened? Did they go all the way? We are in counseling now but I feel I should bring this up and make her confess but telling her I went through her phone wont go well.

I am an idiot, I know.
 

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Will you stop being so ****ing weak and actually do something.
She is/was cheating and you know it but you’re looking for technicalities to excuse her behavior.
Ask yourself this. Am I prepared to share my girlfriend?
The answer is yes or no.
 

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Ok folks, I am getting prepared to be yelled at. This is a follow up to this post from several weeks back:

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/435671-signs-cheating.html

So things cooled down but since we haven't been intimate in weeks, I still had a suspicion something was up. I did something that I know was wrong - I went through her phone and found several texts that jumped out. They all occurred around June 10 - at a time where our relationship was seemingly in a better state than it is now (and only a month after I went back to my hometown to spread my mom's ashes after her passing in the Spring). I attached two of the texts. The name has been erased. Basically the guy I had concerns about before came up in the texts. My partner's texts are on the right side of the screen. Seems like my partner did something inappropriate; maybe not hook up with him but mentioned something along the lines of having feelings for him? I found another text (not attached) to someone else around the same time saying something along the lines "doing something stupid".

Note this was before the incidents which I discussed in the above post. So the question is: Is is clear now something happened? Did they go all the way? We are in counseling now but I feel I should bring this up and make her confess but telling her I went through her phone wont go well.

I am an idiot, I know.
For God's sake, grow a pair and do what needs to be done! You can live your life being her obedient lap dog or you can be a man. You know what she has done and you know what you have to do, so do it. Trust me, you will feel so much better about yourself
 

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How can you read those texts and not demand answers? I do not understand how it is possible. Are you that afraid of upsetting the cart that you cannot act?

She is clearly pointing that something happened, saying she has feelings, and depending on how you read it, this is something that happens often or at least before. She talks about her feelings passing 'and they always do'. Feelings for this same guy all the time? Multiple guys?

I am not saying she is cheating all over the place, but there is something behind that statement that also demands answers. If you have had a bad feeling about this guy before now, then it is most likely something that has been going on with him for a while, blowing hot and cold over the years. It also, unfortunately, makes it highly likely that she has slept with him before, and will again when feelings come back.
 

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for the first time I’m going to ask someone to please close a thread.

Crikey I’m getting dizzy from circling this same drain over and over and over and over and over.
 

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Respect yourself and throw her a$$ out!

Yes, she has cheated and is obviously still cheating!

End this charade of a relationship!!
 

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Tell her you know about OM. Don't say anything more. Let her do the talking and explaining.

At minimum, something happened between them. Maybe he even rejected her after she made a move on him. Maybe they hooked up but she didn't want to leave you for him. It's too vague to figure out what happened other than something did happen.
 

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Best course of action; prepare yourself emotionally and financially for best and worst outcomes.

Right now you may think the choice of what may happen, but that can be ripped from your hands in an instant.

The choice of what's going to happen - she may take that out of your hands completely.

Start protecting yourself.
 

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Proof is in the pudding. Or text message as it were. Pack her things. She can go sort her feelings about OM at OM house. Good riddance.
 

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I am not sure whats going on here. Sounds like she is encouraging a girlfriend to hook up with him but she also has feelings for him. Evidently some of her other friends know whats going on too.

Are any of these other girls your friend too. An you talk to them?

Not sure she has or hasn’t hooked up with him.

I would just ask her to leave until she has figured her **** out
and you're moving on without her being n the meantime.

Time for shock and awe. Its the only thing that ever works. You have to be willing to lose a marriage in order to save it.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I am not sure whats going on here. Sounds like she is encouraging a girlfriend to hook up with him but she also has feelings for him. Evidently some of her other friends know whats going on too.
The guy in question made a move on my partners friend and my partner seemed to take offense to that.

She admits to finding him attractive and flirting but she claims nothing else happened.
 

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The guy in question made a move on my partners friend and my partner seemed to take offense to that.

She admits to finding him attractive and flirting but she claims nothing else happened.
Why do you let your partner disrespect you so? Where is your self-respect?
 

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What life has taught me is that the partner that cares the least holds the power until you balance that with the ability to let go of that which hurts you.

I hope you find your balance soon.
 
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