Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 25 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I would like to hear some opinions on different signs to see if my wife might be cheating. We have been together now for8 1/2 years and mrried for 4 1/2 years. Ofcourse, at the beginning the sex was non stop. I do accept the fact that sex drive in women declines after having children (2), but... She went out dancing with some of her girl friends two weeks ago and drank probably a little too much and told me how when she was dancing how many guys were hitting on her and she got tired of feeling guy private parts rubbing against her back side. I can't touch any of her "parts", she says they are too sensitive. We only have sex in one position, which is doggie - is this a sign she doesn't want to look at me anymore? No more oral where before it was everytime we had sex. She told me I had to back off just the other night. Just three days ago she told me that she can't give me what I want sexually and that it wasn't fair and she wants me to have secret affairs to satisfy my sexual needs. Fine, thats every mans dream, or is this a sign? We were at a bar and she said something I didn't quite hear about cheating and when I ask her to repeat what she said she had the deer in the headlight look and claimed she forgot what and where she was going with what she said, she wouldn't tell me. What confuses me is she will lay next to me and get real close, we'll spoon and BAM just like that she'll get up and say good night and go sleep in the kid's room leaving me turned on to the max - is this a game to her? We haven't slept in the same bed for 3 years, half a dozon times or so, says she can't sleep because I snor - believable. Heres a start and I'm really looking for some feedback. Thanks!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
124 Posts
I would like to hear some opinions on different signs to see if my wife might be cheating. We have been together now for8 1/2 years and mrried for 4 1/2 years. Ofcourse, at the beginning the sex was non stop. I do accept the fact that sex drive in women declines after having children (2), but... She went out dancing with some of her girl friends two weeks ago and drank probably a little too much and told me how when she was dancing how many guys were hitting on her and she got tired of feeling guy private parts rubbing against her back side. I can't touch any of her "parts", she says they are too sensitive. We only have sex in one position, which is doggie - is this a sign she doesn't want to look at me anymore? No more oral where before it was everytime we had sex. She told me I had to back off just the other night. Just three days ago she told me that she can't give me what I want sexually and that it wasn't fair and she wants me to have secret affairs to satisfy my sexual needs. Fine, thats every mans dream, or is this a sign? We were at a bar and she said something I didn't quite hear about cheating and when I ask her to repeat what she said she had the deer in the headlight look and claimed she forgot what and where she was going with what she said, she wouldn't tell me. What confuses me is she will lay next to me and get real close, we'll spoon and BAM just like that she'll get up and say good night and go sleep in the kid's room leaving me turned on to the max - is this a game to her? We haven't slept in the same bed for 3 years, half a dozon times or so, says she can't sleep because I snor - believable. Heres a start and I'm really looking for some feedback. Thanks!
All of the above are red flags, but you do not have definiative proof.

Is she absent from the family "out for girl's night" often? Is she reachable when she is? Does she run straight for the shower when she gets home?

Does she let you see her cell phone or facebook feed? Has she taken a sudden interest in her personal appearance (makeup, weight loss, hair removal) that she didn't have before? Is she suddenly buying new lingerie?

You need a keylogger on the computer, a voice-activated recorder in her car (prime spot for AP conversations). Does she work? Any supsects there?

You need more evidence but it does sound fishy. How about marital counseling?

best of luck.
-FH
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
159 Posts
Does she spend a lot of time on these 'girls nights out?'(Which are a bad idea BTW) Is there alot of unaccounted for time in which you don't know where she is?

Change is sexual behavior is definetly a red flag, but there could be other explanations as well. You need to go into investigative mode.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,439 Posts
The main sign is the disrespect.... Does it feel like a marriage or is it just a co-parenting/roommate contract?

Treat it for what it is, not what you want it to be. If you want a marriage, this ain't it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,815 Posts
How is her behavior with regards to her cell phone? If its closely garded and she has a password protected, along with stepping out of the room then that is a huge red flag also.

With regards to oral, if you mean her recieving then thats a red flag. Even a BJ may be a red flag if her boyfriend knows she is married and asked her to refraine.

Does she have a big bag, say like a carry on that she carries with her when she goes out.

When she returns home does she quickly go straight to the shower?

" to drunk to drive" and "spending the night at friends" is a red flag big time!

Stains and or lost panties is one.

Strange number on the phone log that you see repeatedly at strange hours of the night and when you are at work...thats a big one. These are just a few that you havent already mentioned...cuz the ones you already have would make me quitely investigate my wifes loyality.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,815 Posts
Your story sound very familar to mine and most other guys, when the wife starts screwing around, and trust e I have been around a long time and read a ton of post just like yours and by the 5-6 page of the thread the guy find the that his suspicion were correct.

Once you get the smoking gun come back here and we can give you pointers on how to have a effective confrontation. For now stay strong and get a VAR. gather your evidence and make a strong case for your self.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,815 Posts
The biggest mistake is when guys beg, cry and plead for the wifes. Do not make that same mistake.

With confidence you can shut this dangerous behavior down and show her you mean business as long as you are willing to let her go and kick her out if she continues.

Nicing your way out of this kind of thing does not work.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,940 Posts
Better put yourself fully into PI mode.
Even she's not activbely cheating she's thinking about it nad you will know ny her conversation with GNO's GF.

I suspects she's already cheating.

Gather the evidence and come her to get advice, don't confront early, the worse mistake you can make. Come here, we know what to do.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,815 Posts
Don't be affraid to piss her off that means your making her behavior inconvienent and uncomfortable.

You will be labeled as controling... don't fall for it. You are protecting the marriage and if she doesn't except your protection show her the door. If she does leave the house tell her you consider this abandonment and will take action accordingly. If she takes the kids, good it will only cramp her party life style....she will be back.

Gather your proof and this tough love approach will fall into place. The smoking gun you find will justify the tough love tactics. Until you have this smoking gun you will just be labeled as a crazy, stalking,jealous husband.

Don't make the same mistake I made.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
882 Posts
These are exactly the red flags from when my own marriage started to turn south. As others have said - look out for increased secretiveness around cellphone/computer use. Change in style or dress. Going out "with the girls". Do you know the friends she's going out with? My wife used to lie about her friends so I wouldn't object (said they were all "married with kids") - but they turned out to be toxic - all single/divorced/separated/already in affairs - and all on the prowl with my wife tagging along.

Same thing with the controlling label too - If I asked about her friends, my wife would say "Are you trying to control who my friends are?". If I stayed up until she was home (sometimes 3 - 4 am, she would think I was up because I didn't trust her, not that I was up just to make sure she got home safely. And are these nights out increasing? At first my wife would go out (with her "friends") once every couple of months. By the end, it was every weekend.

Be prepared as your wife is definitely on the path towards something. Whether you can change her path before she acts out will require a lot of work and a lot of potential pain. Prepare for the worst and keep posting and gathering advice.

good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,815 Posts
These are exactly the red flags from when my own marriage started to turn south. As others have said - look out for increased secretiveness around cellphone/computer use. Change in style or dress. Going out "with the girls". Do you know the friends she's going out with? My wife used to lie about her friends so I wouldn't object (said they were all "married with kids") - but they turned out to be toxic - all single/divorced/separated/already in affairs - and all on the prowl with my wife tagging along.

Same thing with the controlling label too - If I asked about her friends, my wife would say "Are you trying to control who my friends are?". If I stayed up until she was home (sometimes 3 - 4 am, she would think I was up because I didn't trust her, not that I was up just to make sure she got home safely. And are these nights out increasing? At first my wife would go out (with her "friends") once every couple of months. By the end, it was every weekend.

Be prepared as your wife is definitely on the path towards something. Whether you can change her path before she acts out will require a lot of work and a lot of potential pain. Prepare for the worst and keep posting and gathering advice.

good luck!
Man, there are so many guys here that went thru the same kind of crap that me and cedarrman went thru. I mean the axceluration in GNO's, the type of friends, and the additudes our chick have when doing this crap.

We can't control your chick but we sure can stop tolorating it by asking your party girl wives to leave so we can have a healty marriage with some one that wants the same.

I mean sure we all love our wives and some of us have house's and kids but dam life is to short to deal with a women that doesn't share the same values and priorities as we all do.

In fact I really believe the kids suffer more when we are to affraid to put our foot down and risk lossing our party girl wives...I know mine did.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
52 Posts
My wife went from sex every 2 or 3 months to screwing my brains out. Lost weight. Bought sexy clothes and undies but, never wore them around me. Then I found her texting records. She was having a SEXTING affair with a 25 year old man. She is 55! He is also a member of our church and his Dad is a Deacon!
Cover ALL bases!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
663 Posts
Sounds as if your wife is having a good time and wants to throw you off the track. No woman woud give her H a green light to go drop loads elsewhere (unless an open marriage) and not want to do the same.

You need to have someone keep an eye on her during one of her disco diva nights and see how innocent she is. Guys will hit on women for sure, but she may be acting a certain way that is inviting.

I don't get the 'get him hard and go sleep somewhere else' move. Why don't you sleep together all night, sex or no sex?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
You know, even though this is an old thread, i still feel the need to comment. My wife started acting funny back in December 2016. She came home one night after work and told me her and her girlfriend were planning a sleepover at her house 1-1/2 hrs away. I have not liked this friend since my wife and I got together because all she wants to do is go out to the bars (She has been married and divorced twice because she has a hard time not cheating). We have been married for 8 years/together for 10. We do not go out that often as we have a crap-ton of kids. When I said something about her just going out with her in town, or all of us go together and then come home, she got pissed off and told me, "I knew I shouldn't have told you". We got into an argument the next day about the situation and that is when she came clean and told me that it was only her that was planning the sleepover, because she thought she would take the bottle of wine my parents got us for Christmas and stay at her house and drink and talk. There is no way that they would have been staying at the house and not going to the bar, considering her friend lives basically right next to the bar.

Ever since then she has been acting funny and distant and has asked me if I trust her. I explained that it's not her that I do not trust, its all the ignorant morons and drunks at the bar that are there for nothing more than a hookup for the night and that is exactly what her friend does. I told my wife her friend acts like a 20-something child that wants to go out drinking at the bars and closing them down.

When I told her I do not feel comfortable with her sleeping at her friends and that she could go out with her, but just to come home after, she got really irate about the whole situation. We used to have sex quite a bit and the last 6 months, I would say, we have had sex maybe twice or three times a month if I was lucky. She told me the other night that it's not the fact that she doesn't want to have sex, but never would elaborate on that
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,568 Posts
You know, even though this is an old thread, i still feel the need to comment. My wife started acting funny back in December 2016. She came home one night after work and told me her and her girlfriend were planning a sleepover at her house 1-1/2 hrs away. I have not liked this friend since my wife and I got together because all she wants to do is go out to the bars (She has been married and divorced twice because she has a hard time not cheating). We have been married for 8 years/together for 10. We do not go out that often as we have a crap-ton of kids. When I said something about her just going out with her in town, or all of us go together and then come home, she got pissed off and told me, "I knew I shouldn't have told you". We got into an argument the next day about the situation and that is when she came clean and told me that it was only her that was planning the sleepover, because she thought she would take the bottle of wine my parents got us for Christmas and stay at her house and drink and talk. There is no way that they would have been staying at the house and not going to the bar, considering her friend lives basically right next to the bar.

Ever since then she has been acting funny and distant and has asked me if I trust her. I explained that it's not her that I do not trust, its all the ignorant morons and drunks at the bar that are there for nothing more than a hookup for the night and that is exactly what her friend does. I told my wife her friend acts like a 20-something child that wants to go out drinking at the bars and closing them down.

When I told her I do not feel comfortable with her sleeping at her friends and that she could go out with her, but just to come home after, she got really irate about the whole situation. We used to have sex quite a bit and the last 6 months, I would say, we have had sex maybe twice or three times a month if I was lucky. She told me the other night that it's not the fact that she doesn't want to have sex, but never would elaborate on that
Start your own thread in the Coping with Infidelity Forum. It makes no sense to latch onto this old dried-out booger.
Yes, Red Flags are flying. You have plenty of reason to pursue this change in your spouse.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Thound

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,867 Posts
Check your phone bill online. It's best to know what you're dealing with. VAR in the car. You have all the classic red flags.

Don't be in denial of what you're about to deal with. Denial at this time will not help you at all but prolong your stay in limbo.
 
1 - 20 of 25 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top