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You have completely missed the point. The firmness with the other man has nothing to do with wife deterring. It has everything to do with a man grabbing my wife’s ass right in front of me. Based on what the OP said the wife would already be pretty much scratched off my list already. I’m not a violent dude but that interaction needed t be handled up front.
Exactly.
The dude gets "his fingers broken" for disrespecting me.
Same way as if an AP knew the cheater was married. It's a separate affront from your wife/husband being a lush or a *****.
If it's a full-tilt double betrayal (like best friend) then that is even more aggregious.
I see people say constantly "they didn't marry you" in reference to an AP, nope they didn't but they sure disrespected me. It does not have to be one or the other (AP or wife), It can be both that deserve consequences.
 

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I think affairs have a progression and most of them start as an emotional affair. It’s also what makes the illicit relationship so strong and enduring and I believe causes the cheater to absolutely lose their mind in the high when the physical boundaries get crossed. It’s the one two punch of love drunk and physical connection. Murders marriages every single day.

Sharing intimacy and hiding it is simply the first of many steps in an affair. And you are correct, the workplace is a huge one. The gym. And anywhere where people are in close and repetitive contact.

I do think many people do not intend on having an affair from the get go. They may find themselves sliding into it with each crossed boundary they take. But this is also the hunting ground of many people who DO intend on having affairs and there are many.
^^^^Wise Man^^^^
 

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You have completely missed the point. The firmness with the other man has nothing to do with wife deterring. It has everything to do with a man grabbing my wife’s ass right in front of me. Based on what the OP said the wife would already be pretty much scratched off my list already. I’m not a violent dude but that interaction needed t be handled up front.
Sorry, did I miss the part about the guy grabbing your wife's ass? If this was merely dancing, and your wife consented, that is completely different than someone grabbing the wife' s ass. Did you embellish this or did I miss it?
I will reread.
 

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Sorry, did I miss the part about the guy grabbing your wife's ass? If this was merely dancing, and your wife consented, that is completely different than someone grabbing the wife' s ass. Did you embellish this or did I miss it?
I will reread.
Yeah, I overlooked the butt slapping. I can see that pissing someone off.
Just me, but I would still not risk criminal charges if my soon to be XW was allowing this. Just would not want to reward her with V tingles from two men fighting over her. Cheater's egos are inflated enough.
 

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Exactly.
The dude gets "his fingers broken" for disrespecting me.
Same way as if an AP knew the cheater was married. It's a separate affront from your wife/husband being a lush or a *.
If it's a full-tilt double betrayal (like best friend) then that is even more aggregious.
I see people say constantly "they didn't marry you" in reference to an AP, nope they didn't but they sure disrespected me. It does not have to be one or the other (AP or wife), It can be both that deserve consequences.
Disrespect, absent some physical threat, means nothing to me. So, I would not bother unless it was non- consensual. Nothing would please my cheating wife more than having two physically fighting over her. You win, you have won nothing of value and risked being arrested. You lose and you risk injury and further humiliation.
This in no way means that I do not feel the OM is a reprobate who has no morals. The " they did not marry you" rationale is so without analysis or merit it is not worth debating. If someone buys it, he or she is too dumb to debate, anyway.
If one is inclined to intercede, physically, I would advise making sure the OM was not misled and was fully informed about the marital status or the couples philosophy on the expectations within the marriage.
Cheaters' lying is, often, not confined to just lying to the spouse. I have seen a few stories where an affair partner was unaware he or she was infringing.
 

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If some guy slapped my ass, my husband would knock him the eff out. Well, he'd want to but I wouldn't let him do it.

But also I wouldn't be dancing with any man besides my husband to begin with.
Exactly. This woman was into it, apparently. Completely different than an unexpected slap from some one you consented to dance with.
 

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My XWW's A was with a co-worker that pursued her for a good while, getting an EA established that eventually went PA.

When I figured out what was going on, there was no fighting or Hell breaking loose. I knew she was at his place, so I packed EVERYTHING that was considered hers aside from big furniture/appliances and put it on his doorstep between the hours of 1130pm and 4am. It took over 40 large yard bags to fit it all.

And surprisingly, that was that. She stayed with him. Never attempted to come home. Never attempted to get custody.

And she's been miserable ever since.

As far as the work dynamic, I was only around them together one time, at his house for a work pool party. Didn't notice anything weird between them. But I did later find out that when she was inside with him helping with the cooking, and i was in the pool with our girls, when she waved at us from the window above the sink that faced the pool, he was ****ing her from behind at that exact moment. So there's that...
 

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My XWW's A was with a co-worker that pursued her for a good while, getting an EA established that eventually went PA.

When I figured out what was going on, there was no fighting or Hell breaking loose. I knew she was at his place, so I packed EVERYTHING that was considered hers aside from big furniture/appliances and put it on his doorstep between the hours of 1130pm and 4am. It took over 40 large yard bags to fit it all.

And surprisingly, that was that. She stayed with him. Never attempted to come home. Never attempted to get custody.

And she's been miserable ever since.

As far as the work dynamic, I was only around them together one time, at his house for a work pool party. Didn't notice anything weird between them. But I did later find out that when she was inside with him helping with the cooking, and i was in the pool with our girls, when she waved at us from the window above the sink that faced the pool, he was ****ing her from behind at that exact moment. So there's that...
You are my new hero
 

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My XWW's A was with a co-worker that pursued her for a good while, getting an EA established that eventually went PA.

When I figured out what was going on, there was no fighting or Hell breaking loose. I knew she was at his place, so I packed EVERYTHING that was considered hers aside from big furniture/appliances and put it on his doorstep between the hours of 1130pm and 4am. It took over 40 large yard bags to fit it all.

And surprisingly, that was that. She stayed with him. Never attempted to come home. Never attempted to get custody.

And she's been miserable ever since.

As far as the work dynamic, I was only around them together one time, at his house for a work pool party. Didn't notice anything weird between them. But I did later find out that when she was inside with him helping with the cooking, and i was in the pool with our girls, when she waved at us from the window above the sink that faced the pool, he was ****ing her from behind at that exact moment. So there's that...
IMO, this is how one keeps one's dignity. No threats of violence or screaming etc. These folks are just not worth it.
I am almost certain I had the capability of thrashing my XW' s main affair partner. Instead, when I met him, I thanked him for relieving me of a terrible burden. I did make it clear he would be safer if he remained away from my kids.
 

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Happy Thanksgiving Day everyone!

It's no secret that the workplace tends to be a hotbed of adultery. I think, one of the things that always catches people by surprise is seeing your SO's intense and deep emotional connections, most often unbeknown to us, in the form of affectionate body language, tongue-in-cheek behaviors and even lunch/coffee/dinner dates that are, again, most often kept from the SO, for obvious reasons.

I remember the first time I saw this in full display with my XW: we went to a wedding where two teachers were getting married (they ended up cheating on each other and divorcing-LOL). 95% of all invitees were school personnel, which I found odd but it is what it is. To say it was an odd day for me is an understatement: When we first walked into the hall, my XW started introducing me to people, which I was fine about but... eventually I saw her jumping from group to group of invitees, exchanging hugs and kisses with women and men I had never met. As the evening progressed, I started noticing my XW was really trying hard to ignore me (I did not know anyone there, she knew everyone,) going as far as dancing slow tunes with other dudes, only to come back to our table and say something really f-cked up to me like "you're getting drunk." One of the dudes she was dancing with... let's just say there were too many eye exchanges and one slap in the butt too many for me to feel like her relationships with the people at work were merely superficial, which was the story she was selling me all along by the way. It got so bad that I got drunk and turned my body toward the band and my back to everyone else at the table. At one point, my XW sensed what was happening and we decided to leave. To say that we fought in the car is an understatement.

To make a long story short, what happened that night got printed in my reptilian brain. It wasn't the type of experience that you go through and flush out within days. No, I STILL remember it vividly. Too many (f-cked up) things happened that night that I wasn't aware of... kind of like when I found out Santa was really my parents... like a loss of innocence type of thing. What I learned from that night was that 1) my XW was making insanely deep emotional connections with coworkers (male, female, married, single, young and old), 2) that she was keeping how deep these relationships were a secret, 3) that she was intentionally creating really intimate moments/situations with some of these co workers (again, keeping them secret) and that 4) at one point or another, her emotional and romantic b-base slowly pivoted from the marriage to the school ecosystem. The way this change manifested itself was in the way she behaved: she would ALWAYS try to make up from any fights right before she was about to leave for work and then, as soon as she came home, she would unleash hell because of the smallest things imaginable.

What is your experience?
I see someone slapping my wife's butt at some wedding and my fist is slapping his face. If she protested we would probably be divorcing. Being cheated on once has made me ruthless about boundaries. Life is too short to put up with ********.

Now I would probably let some guy dance with her for part of the song before I cut in. I would just use it as a way to prove my dominance.

And I am no way a bad ass, just someone with more conviction. No one causes me pain without feeling their own.
 

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Bo,

My wife works at an elementary school and has for 25 years. There is only one male there. However, I have seen some of what you describe. In particular, becoming very close with co-workers and being way too emotionally involved in each other's lives.

I work as a network engineer, where there is about a 50/50 of men and women at my office. On a daily basis, I work with other engineers, who are all male. I am friends with the guys I work with, but we do not hang together outside of work and are definitely not emotionally engaged.

I had to have a talk with my wife, who started coming home and telling me about her work day. My work day talk with her would be.... I set up X VM servers and put in a firewall, etc. Her talk would be.... Jan and Betty are being *****y, Mary is having problems XYZ with her husband, Emily is having an affair with her neighbor Bob.

I pointed out to her that I thought it was bizarre to get this invested in other people's lives. I got a bit angry and told her I am not interested in real life soap operas. I think, and this is just my opinion, women in general just love drama....be it on TV, in real life or in books.
A lot of women like emotional connections and there's nothing wrong with that. A lot of women are interested in other people they know just as friends. I just find it very peculiar when someone thinks you shouldn't have any friends. I don't think that's healthy. Just because you're that way doesn't mean someone else should be that way. It's fine for you but it probably wouldn't be fine for her.
 

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After I read that and wrote it I started thinking about it and literally all of my friends that I still have that I've had for 40 years, I met at work. It may have been especially true for me because my work was also my niche. We all liked our work and had that in common.
 

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IMO, this is how one keeps one's dignity. No threats of violence or screaming etc. These folks are just not worth it.
I am almost certain I had the capability of thrashing my XW' s main affair partner. Instead, when I met him, I thanked him for relieving me of a terrible burden. I did make it clear he would be safer if he remained away from my kids.
LoL! I would be relieving the idiot of any illusion of dignity.

I walk the talk and have never been jailed. I guess knowing your limits is good.

I do like your style though. Children are those needing the most protection. You're aces for that alone.
 

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A lot of women like emotional connections and there's nothing wrong with that. A lot of women are interested in other people they know just as friends. I just find it very peculiar when someone thinks you shouldn't have any friends. I don't think that's healthy. Just because you're that way doesn't mean someone else should be that way. It's fine for you but it probably wouldn't be fine for her.
I said become too invested in friends/co-workers lives. I have no issue with her having friends. However the old saying "not my circus, not my monkeys" applies.
 

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your partners already know you, moreover, if I remember correctly, she had studied psychology, she knows how to bend people's ideas, she must have used you in her experiments for a long time.

the part that surprised me was you saw these and got drunk?

You proved to everyone that you are a weak idiot (I meant it means they said it), I think from that day on you were the laughing stock of your wife's friends and everyone understood why your wife cheated on you so easily!

It's their choice to cheat, but it's your choice to make yourself ridiculous after realizing it. instead of getting drunk you should have returned home, it would be a good choice to start leaving that evening.

however, as I said at the beginning, your partner knows you better than us and knew how to control your reactions.
 

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LoL! I would be relieving the idiot of any illusion of dignity.

I walk the talk and have never been jailed. I guess knowing your limits is good.

I do like your style though. Children are those needing the most protection. You're aces for that alone.
Once I reached adulthood, with decent strength etc., I learned that physically fighting was nothing like it was as a kid. People do not stop when you cry uncle. It continues until someone gets very badly injured sometimes. People get stomped when they are laying helpless etc. Weapons are often involved. Careers get ruined if you are charged. I am not talking about defending yourself or a loved one or someone else being harmed.
Getting repeatedly punched in the face , kicked etc. is nothing like as portrayed on TV or movies. It does way more damage than portrayed.
I just would not engage over an insult or disrespect. People wind up seriously hurt. Last time I did this, decades ago, I wound up with a fractured orbit and zygoma. Fighting, as an adult is extremely dangerous. Just too much strength and anger involved.
 
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