Talk About Marriage banner
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

· Registered
Joined
·
2,539 Posts
Happy Thanksgiving Day everyone!

It's no secret that the workplace tends to be a hotbed of adultery. I think, one of the things that always catches people by surprise is seeing your SO's intense and deep emotional connections, most often unbeknown to us, in the form of affectionate body language, tongue-in-cheek behaviors and even lunch/coffee/dinner dates that are, again, most often kept from the SO, for obvious reasons.

I remember the first time I saw this in full display with my XW: we went to a wedding where two teachers were getting married (they ended up cheating on each other and divorcing-LOL). 95% of all invitees were school personnel, which I found odd but it is what it is. To say it was an odd day for me is an understatement: When we first walked into the hall, my XW started introducing me to people, which I was fine about but... eventually I saw her jumping from group to group of invitees, exchanging hugs and kisses with women and men I had never met. As the evening progressed, I started noticing my XW was really trying hard to ignore me (I did not know anyone there, she knew everyone,) going as far as dancing slow tunes with other dudes, only to come back to our table and say something really f-cked up to me like "you're getting drunk." One of the dudes she was dancing with... let's just say there were too many eye exchanges and one slap in the butt too many for me to feel like her relationships with the people at work were merely superficial, which was the story she was selling me all along by the way. It got so bad that I got drunk and turned my body toward the band and my back to everyone else at the table. At one point, my XW sensed what was happening and we decided to leave. To say that we fought in the car is an understatement.

To make a long story short, what happened that night got printed in my reptilian brain. It wasn't the type of experience that you go through and flush out within days. No, I STILL remember it vividly. Too many (f-cked up) things happened that night that I wasn't aware of... kind of like when I found out Santa was really my parents... like a loss of innocence type of thing. What I learned from that night was that 1) my XW was making insanely deep emotional connections with coworkers (male, female, married, single, young and old), 2) that she was keeping how deep these relationships were a secret, 3) that she was intentionally creating really intimate moments/situations with some of these co workers (again, keeping them secret) and that 4) at one point or another, her emotional and romantic b-base slowly pivoted from the marriage to the school ecosystem. The way this change manifested itself was in the way she behaved: she would ALWAYS try to make up from any fights right before she was about to leave for work and then, as soon as she came home, she would unleash hell because of the smallest things imaginable.

What is your experience?
I think affairs have a progression and most of them start as an emotional affair. It’s also what makes the illicit relationship so strong and enduring and I believe causes the cheater to absolutely lose their mind in the high when the physical boundaries get crossed. It’s the one two punch of love drunk and physical connection. Murders marriages every single day.

Sharing intimacy and hiding it is simply the first of many steps in an affair. And you are correct, the workplace is a huge one. The gym. And anywhere where people are in close and repetitive contact.

I do think many people do not intend on having an affair from the get go. They may find themselves sliding into it with each crossed boundary they take. But this is also the hunting ground of many people who DO intend on having affairs and there are many.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
2,539 Posts
I think this is why there's so much adultery in the workplace, because emotional connections are being made where there ought be none. My company is exactly like yours, we have zero investment in each other's personal life and are happy to have it that way. We even have classes that we need to take on an annual basis where we're explicitly told not to over engage on the personal stuff.
I have to agree. When you start building intimacy with opposite sex people in any environment it’s is easier and almost natural to smudge boundaries. A lot of people take tiny little steps over months and then when it’s gone into the realm of EA their brain is already twisted into a pretzel. The PA is just the natural progression of things from there.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
2,539 Posts
I'm surprised you got this far but I bet if you're not social and she is that you never would have even met if she hadn't been social.
I have to agree with him, there should be a huge boundary around what type of conversation is had with any friend. There tends to be a group ***** mentality that happens when people start complaining about or discussing their spouses in an unflattering ways it builds up and can destroy relationships. With opposite sex (assuming heterosexual) it can easily progress to more. With same sex it’s destructive to one’s marriage and can actually destroy marriages because suddenly everyone starts hating their spouses. I’ve seen this happen with both sexes gossiping and complaining about their spouse.
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top