I made notes and will bring them with me. Last time I had no chance to say much or I got interrupted all the time. I get real pissed if this happens again today and I will walk out.
Signal private messenger usage - red flag? Update: YES, it is!
Update on page 2.
I need some input. Just figured out that my husband of 10 years uses the app Signal private messenger. I was able to see the time stamps when he is using that app and this included times such as 2:22AM , during night time and during the day.
It has been downloaded on April 28th and it's in regular use since then. As of right now there is no way I can confront him because he belongs to these people who blame "pop-up ads" for literally everything.
Any experience with this app? Any advice for me?
Thank you.
I need some input. Just figured out that my husband of 10 years uses the app Signal private messenger. I was able to see the time stamps when he is using that app and this included times such as 2:22AM , during night time and during the day.
It has been downloaded on April 28th and it's in regular use since then. As of right now there is no way I can confront him because he belongs to these people who blame "pop-up ads" for literally everything.
Any experience with this app? Any advice for me?
Thank you.
121 - 140 of 164 Posts
OK that is not skilled counseling.Last time I had no chance to say much or I got interrupted all the time.
I had the feeling she is a bit overwhelmed with us. But like I said before, my husband can talk. I will see how it will go today. I will try to be more outspoken.OK that is not skilled counseling.
I had the feeling she is a bit overwhelmed with us. But like I said before, my husband can talk. I will see how it will go today. I will try to be more outspoken.
A professional, licensed therapist should not allow herself to be overwhelmed by anyone. She's crap. Really, she shouldn't be a counsellor.I had the feeling she is a bit overwhelmed with us. But like I said before, my husband can talk. I will see how it will go today. I will try to be more outspoken.
I just looked her up:
Too many details
I don't know if she is really suitable for our issues.
Too many details
I don't know if she is really suitable for our issues.
No, you need a MC that specializes in infidelity... Her background is nowhere near what you need.I just looked her up:
REDACTED
I don't know if she is really suitable for our issues.
Is this normal that I feel some kind of nervousness or anxiety just because of the appointment? I never had this feeling before. I am leaving in 30 minutes and I almost feel nauseous.
Proper marriage counseling for active infidelity might be bad?No reputable marriage counsellor would offer marriage counselling when one partner is suspected of cheating. Why? Precisely because of what happened to you. See a divorce lawyer.
Instead of asking why, say.. help me understand. Works for me.To be honest, it is a very difficult situation for a marriage counselor when they have no real way to know what the truth of the situation is. As MattMatt said, it's not really helpful to do counseling in that situation where the partners don't agree on what was done.
One thing I notice in your texts is you ask lots of "why" questions like "Why didn't you care?" Asking those "why" questions about someone else's feelings is usually not productive. It tends to shut things down, as above.
From what I've read in this thread, I guess I'd want to start with "do you both agree that he made phone calls and tried to keep them secret? Can we agree on that much?"
Counseling went much "better" than last time. I was able to speak up and have been heard. The notes which included some of the suggestions from comments in here, were really helpful for me. Last time, I was caught off guard and unprepared which rarely ends well for me. It was a lot of talking back and forth and the counselor did the translation between my husband and me. She got on him because she felt the way that he made it more about himself than me being hurt. This part worries me. I wonder if he is even able to really understand what he did was utterly wrong and the consequences..
He went straight to sleep after we got home. I could tell it was exhausting for him this time.
He went straight to sleep after we got home. I could tell it was exhausting for him this time.
@Mahon, having read your report on her, I feel she is totally unqualified to provide the help you required.
Who chose her? And on what grounds?
Who chose her? And on what grounds?
This aligns with the idea that he is very selfish. Cheaters are selfish by nature. This is why he thought he could develop these secret relationships.She got on him because she felt the way that he made it more about himself than me being hurt. This part worries me. I wonder if he is even able to really understand what he did was utterly wrong and the consequences..
The main issue is this: for him to right the ship, he would need to change, pretty significantly.... and thinking that anyone is going to change more than about 10% of who they are is unrealistic. He will always be selfish.
Schedule the poly.
A few cheaters do get that what they did was wrong but a lot don’t. My exH was one who never got it and when they don’t they tend to repeat it. They feel the problem is you — not them.
He choose her because I told him it's his responsibility to organize all that since he was wanted the MC. He choose them because of quick availability, faith based, near by and the good reviews.@Mahon, having read your report on her, I feel she is totally unqualified to provide the help you required.
Who chose her? And on what grounds?
He needs to "re-choose" or better yet you choose and make him set it up.He choose her because I told him it's his responsibility to organize all that since he was wanted the MC. He choose them because of quick availability, faith based, near by and the good reviews.
I went to a therapist on my own, post divorce.
Two things he said stood out to me:
First, he told me that a major part of his practice consisted of counseling couples where one had cheated. Despite it being against his own self interest, he told me that at most 10% stay together and have a decent relationship.
Second, he asked me to start researching the Cluster B personality disorders.
Your husband, based not only on his cheating but especially on his post discovery behavior, sounds like a narcissist.
Two things he said stood out to me:
First, he told me that a major part of his practice consisted of counseling couples where one had cheated. Despite it being against his own self interest, he told me that at most 10% stay together and have a decent relationship.
Second, he asked me to start researching the Cluster B personality disorders.
Your husband, based not only on his cheating but especially on his post discovery behavior, sounds like a narcissist.
I had the feeling she is a bit overwhelmed with us. But like I said before, my husband can talk. I will see how it will go today. I will try to be more outspoken.
Lack of empathy: the hallmark of the narcissist.Counseling went much "better" than last time. I was able to speak up and have been heard. The notes which included some of the suggestions from comments in here, were really helpful for me. Last time, I was caught off guard and unprepared which rarely ends well for me. It was a lot of talking back and forth and the counselor did the translation between my husband and me. She got on him because she felt the way that he made it more about himself than me being hurt. This part worries me. I wonder if he is even able to really understand what he did was utterly wrong and the consequences..
He went straight to sleep after we got home. I could tell it was exhausting for him this time.
I don't know, he never got diagnosed with this. Need to look it up and read up. How do I even bring this up if the shoe could fit him?
Bringing it up wouldn't do much good. Narcissists generally don't/can't change. Identifying it for yourself would be so you know what you're dealing with and could move on without regret.I don't know, he never got diagnosed with this. Need to look it up and read up. How do I even bring this up if the shoe could fit him?
OP I've never opened any of these apps or use them in any way. I could open from my phone for you and just tell me the details what to say to him etc etc. Can do that here or through private chats. Sorry you're still going through this.
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121 - 140 of 164 Posts
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