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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
ok.. ther is alot more to this story but il give the most recent problem......
Im 21..and ever since i was 16 i have been kissing a boy. but its just he is extremely shy and it seems to be just on his terms wenever we meet up. i might text message him and not get anything back. in front of friends, im not even noticed! even though half of them know the history we have. he could end up stayin in my house most weekends but cum the next day and drink is out of system, we'r back to square one. i know 'treat them mean, keep the keen' but im at the stage now where i am sick to death of this way. should i just not talk to him and show him how it feels to be nothing while in our friends company!! hopefully this might work.. if his eyes are still fixated on me that is!

are there any other tricks to (not to get his attention as such, dats easy) but make him man up and get over this shyness and start actually dating??
the option of leaving him go is just not gonna work for me as we have so much history and hes like always in my house with my brother as there great friends and i have tried the whole moving on fella but it always cums back to him..i love him like.. i know he does too but he just needs to start showing it like!!
 

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It doesn't sound like SHyness to me at all . When he is with you and friends, he is putting his friends before you , a shy guy IN LOVE does NOT act this way. He would he hanging over his girl. Shy guys also would usually JUMP if they are getting Texts from the one they love, they would want to reply back, realizing they are not as "in demand" as the popular guys & want to hang on to the Girl. You also said he will only do things on HIS Terms, sounds SELFISH to me, NOT SHY.

Let me tell you, I snagged the shy guy. He HATES to write, but he went out of his way back then to write me little letters (I saved every one), I was always writing him, never did he falter in replying to me. I asked him a few months ago, why he did that -cause it is like pulling teeth now to get him to write a few sentences in a card these days !! He told me he didnt like doing it then either but he wanted to KEEP me around, he was willing to do anything.

Your issue is not his shyness, it is something else. Sadly I think he is not sure of the relationship , he is waffling - he is not putting enough effort into it, for whatever reason. His NON actions speak this. So what is HE looking for? Some guys are almost too immature for a real relationship, he could still be in a partying mode.

WHo gets most of his attention - his guy friends?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
yes, his friends do get most of it. i blame it on shyness because deep down if i have to let this go, it would mean a total waste of the last 6yrs...and this would kill me.
he loves his partying. he goes out and wen he is home he will ring me even though he could of ignored me all night.

What made me write this, was that we where out saturday night and when we where going home he hopped into the taxi and i hopped in after, happened to be sitting next to him..while his friends sat in other side, it was a 12 seater.. what did he do? he hopped out.
i was deeply digusted because i felt so embarrased that he had to hop out to get out of sittin with me.

its just thats a bad side of things where as when we are together he has all these plans and notions that we are going to have children and i am going live in his house. But i cant let myself be treated this way anymore. i have watched friends of mine meet fellas after i first met this guy and they are in relationships now with years. how cant this just happen to me! my god like.. i really am stupid. i just done know how i would start at getting over him, he will end up ringing me and me being a fool will answer and make excuses to my friends for the way he treated me!
all will tell now this weekend, im gonna try my hardest to ignore hom and see will he actually cop i am mad with him.
 

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yes, his friends do get most of it. i blame it on shyness because deep down if i have to let this go, it would mean a total waste of the last 6yrs...and this would kill me.
he loves his partying. he goes out and wen he is home he will ring me even though he could of ignored me all night.
YOu will survive. You will be doing yourself a needed favor to move on from this type of man. Too busy partying, why would you even want to stay with him, what is there to love about this ? Do not waste any more years of your life trying to change someone who does not want to change .

I know it hurts, LOVE HURTS, all of us have had our hearts broken at one time or another. The last thing you need is to remain with someone who will break your heart slowly every day, waiting on what little they have left to give. Never settle for this, you will regret it.

What made me write this, was that we where out saturday night and when we where going home he hopped into the taxi and i hopped in after, happened to be sitting next to him..while his friends sat in other side, it was a 12 seater.. what did he do? he hopped out.
i was deeply digusted because i felt so embarrased that he had to hop out to get out of sittin with me.
This man is not loving & cherishing you at all, this behavior should speak volumes to you. Do not put up with this. If he is embarrassed to treat you with respect and care in front of his friends, let me tell you , he is NOT being honest to you or them.

He is a double minded man, nothing about this is to be respected.
its just thats a bad side of things where as when we are together he has all these plans and notions that we are going to have children and i am going live in his house.
Are you sleeping with him? I know this is not nice to say but some unscupulous user men will say just about anything to get a girl in bed -and keep her there, keep her strung along where he has no intentions of taking the relationship any further. He is enjoying his friends and his partying. His actions and his words are not matching up, so he has to go!

No more excuses for him to anyone. From now on, refuse to be treated like this , you are a woman of value & YOU deserve better , he needs to get that loud & clear. YOu would be better off to find a REAL "shy" guy -those are the best anyway, stay away from partyers.

You need a book like this to help you through Amazon.com: Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You (9780738213286): Susan J. Elliott JD MEd: Books
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
ya i think its finally time. iv just realised how much of a fool he is making me be!

just a moment ago we had a photo of us (1st photo ever of the two of us) and he removed it.. basically didnt want to be seen with me!!

its gonna be so hard but im not putting up with this any more.
ohh i feel like crying now, all the time iv wasted on him! i suppose its a good thing iv found out now and not later.

how am i gonna go out and try find someone else, i dont even know where to start!
Feel like hiding away, going on a massive diet and just never be seen again! :(
 

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I agree, I don't think "shyness" is the issue.

My husband is "shy", but that did not keep him from pursuing me when he decided I was the one he wanted. He didn't put anyone before me - he went after me.

I think it's more about the fact that he doesn't feel the same way about you that you feel about him and is showing it in his actions.

I know that hurts, but it is what it is.

Move on...
 

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You are way too young to get this serious. Enjoy your life and move on. Trust me you will laugh at yourself years from now.
 

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Hi,

This is a first post, noticed this while looking for answers for my own problems.

I may be out of line, but take from someone who was a real douche in his teen days, He is not shy, He either does not want anyone to publicly know He is attached or too ashamed/embarrassed to let his friends know He is seeing you. If He hangs out with same friends regularly, and you see him for 5 years, you can be well certain all his friends know about your relationship and under what terms, regardless of if He told them or not. To his friends, you are not his girl, you are just someone He gets to have physical contact with at the end of the night, nothing serious.

He wants all the physical contact He can get with you, and none of the responsibilities or burdens, attachments.

You are still young, and there are alot of young men out there for you. Ask yourself if you are happy the way things are, if it is worht it, what you want changed. Push him against a corner, and have things change. Don't kid yourself in thinking He will come around on his own, one day, eventually, or if you do this or that. He is not compliant, say it's all over.

At worst He is playing you, expectations and feelings till He finds something better, someone He can really date "for real". At best He is someone who does not give a damn about your own feelings and is very selfish.

You need to pull your self esteem back up, and nab a real shy guy. The guy who sits slightly away from center of the table, rarely talks, and eyes you when He's sure you're not looking back.

Excuse the bluntness, and anything inapropriately said.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
None taken!! thank you. i always seem so sure he is just shy and really does want to be with me but is just too shy to go further with me. the funy thing is is that we dont sleep together often enough for him to be 'using me' for that.. and he isnt a guy to go off with other girls on a night out..what i think in my own head is that he is afraid to go anywhere with me because i would be the first real girl he has ever dated.

i dunno here i am again, making excuses for him.

its just what really gets to me is dat a previous comment mentioned if he really did like me he would be textin me back because i have texted him.. majority of time it is me doing textin!

Something has just clicked with me that hes treating me like really crappy. i am due to finish college in the next month so i will be a qualified teacher then. i just think things have to change because i am moving on in time with being a student to worklife and still have no boyfriend as such!

i will have to look for the shy guy, im shy myself when it comes to men.. but i wont seem to find him around here where i live as every one i know does seem to know the history there is with me and ****** ..

his friends do know about me but the way hes describing me i dont know and even treating me on a night out, i dunno but deep down somewhere in me is saying walk away from him and see will he cop on towards treating me right.. so this weekend when he decided he wants to meet and come to my house or to his, i am going to be the bigger person and say no and give him the ultimatum ..either he cops the hell on or im gone!!

i can do this (i think and i hope)

thanks for taking time to deal with this problem, very kind!
 

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You are way too young to get this serious. Enjoy your life and move on. Trust me you will laugh at yourself years from now.
This is what I was thinking also, and hoping you don't take it the wrong way. At the age of 25 I honestly thought I'd met the woman I was going to marry. We were together for one year and I thought everything was SO PERFECT, when suddenly she said "I am not happy"

BOOM, took months to get past it. Once I was past the emotional pain, I looked back and thought "HOLY CRAP thank God that didn't work out for me". There were more problems in that relationship than you can imagine, both of us were very niave and very silly.
 
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