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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Being betrayed is one of the most hurtful things someone can go through, yes your other half is most to blame for betraying you but what about the other person who they did it with it takes two to tango. Why should they get off scott free to go and do it to another family. Its not just the betrayed partner that gets hurt its the children and extending family and friends. The other affair partner most often goes in fully aware that they are married with a family but it doesn't bother them, maybe if there was a law fetched in where you could sue if they new about you and your children they might think twice. After all you can divorce your other half whether they want you to or not. They lose all your respect, their kids and families respect, and often lose everything, what does the other partner in crime lose, nothing they are free to go and help ruing someone else's life (which I no of quite a few what have done so). Its like all these women that go for famous footballers and pop stars they no they are married but it doesn't stop them. You can sue someone for saying something a bit racial or touching you a bit too friendly or even being a bit of a bully all sorts of things. But yet another person can help ruin your family's life and you cannot do a thing....Seems a bit sad to me. I suppose I m the only one to feel like this. Am I. :rolleyes:
 

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One poster, I thnk it was CJ9947 or whatever his name is tried to flush his wifes affair partner out but with no success until he sued the AP for the cost of the STD test he felt he was forced to take.

He won and the tossser cried and blubbed in court, that's when you realise what shet these people are.
 

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Yep, just pm a mod and they will do it for you.

Amplexor is usually around.
 
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In NC you can still sue for "alienation of affection". You do have to prove that there was no threat of divorce prior to the affair, and of course prove the affair occurred and that the spouse left the spouse for the affair partner.

Google it for your state.
 

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No you are not....I think I sure as the hell should be able to the perons that stepped foot into my marriage without my permission. If you are too stupid to think about the consequences of your actions, then you deserve to pay the price. That goes for the WS also.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Yes I think its so wrong how other people can hurt you so bad and get away with it.
And I live in England and you cannot do a single thing about it. ..:mad:
 

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Nope.

That's a slippery slope better left alone
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SusieWoo:

I'm sure you're not alone, but you sure DON'T HAVE MY VOTE! [Note: I will talk about men, but include women in EVERYTHING I have to say.]
Being betrayed is one of the most hurtful things someone can go through, yes your other half is most to blame for betraying you No, I submit they are 100% to blame for betraying you! but what about the other person who they did it with it takes two to tango. I liken it to someone who shoots another person INTENDING to kill them. In scenario A: by some miracle, the victim survives. In scenario B: the victim dies. Should the shooter in scenario A serve less time, be punished less severely merely because his victim happened to survive? I say NO! THE INTENTION WAS THE SAME!

Ditto for a cheater. If he wasn't banging Alice, he would move on to Susie, Amy, Juanita, Darla, etc. until he found SOMEONE willing! His INTENT is to cheat; the actual person with whom he's cheating is IMMATERIAL...she is a random person in the equation that does not change cheater's original intention...to cheat on you.

Why should they get off scott free to go and do it to another family. Its not just the betrayed partner that gets hurt its the children and extending family and friends. The other affair partner most often goes in fully aware that they are married with a family Wow, *that* is a big ASSUMPTION on YOUR part...do you think cheaters don't LIE (I'm single/separated/divorced/widowed). Yeah, they're SO trustworthy! They're lying to you, the spouse, why wouldn't they be lying to affair partner? Not ALL of the time, but enough that *I* wouldn't feel comfortable saying MOST of the AP's 'knew' about the wife/kids. but it doesn't bother them, maybe if there was a law fetched in where you could sue if they new about you and your children they might think twice. Why? To be BRUTALLY HONEST: they owe you and your children NOTHING! They did not promise to love/honor/cherish you...your SPOUSE did that. They are not OBLIGATED to look out for you and your children! It would be "nice" if they did, but they're not OBLIGATED TO...just like they're not obligated to pull you from a burning car, although they know you're going to be hurt; or stop you from stepping in front of a bus. After all you can divorce your other half whether they want you to or not. They lose all your respect, their kids and families respect, and often lose everything, what does the other partner in crime lose, nothing they are free to go and help ruing someone else's life Yeah, because these people have no families, no friends who are aware of what they do; there is no judgement made on them, they have no emotional issues....they just pirouette through life with nary a care/problem in the world. Just because YOU don't see them being spit-on and despised and shunned in public, does not mean their life is all rosy. (which I no of quite a few what have done so). Its like all these women that go for famous footballers and pop stars they no they are married but it doesn't stop them. Because they're gold-digging 'ho's; THAT is their profession. We don't have to LIKE it, but it exists...like prostitution. You can sue someone for saying something a bit racial or touching you a bit too friendly I find *THAT* statement offensive! or even being a bit of a bully all sorts of things. But yet another person can help ruin your family's life and you cannot do a thing How about a law throwing your own spouse in jail for adultery. How about putting the onus where it belongs on the ACTUAL CHEATER...not his partner, not society, not anybody else but the lying deceiver who STARTED IT ALL by CHEATING!....Seems a bit sad to me. I suppose a lot of people wouldn't like that because they'd lose his income while he's in jail. They want to see SOMEONE suffer, as long as it doesn't put any more mess on the family that's already been screwed over. I understand that...but it isn't fair, it isn't logical to not punish him FIRST AND FOREMOST.I suppose I m the only one to feel like this. Am I. I'm sure you're not! I just thought you should see how your suggestion sounds to people who have NOT been cheated on!

I know you're hurting, and I don't blame you! But suing others just allows the cheater to "blame" others and "rationalize" his behavior as the 'fault' of someone else who 'tempted' him...like he's not a sentient being in control of his own actions.
 

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Slowlygettingwiser
I am a betrayed spouse and I agree with you 100% on everything you typed up. I had something similar in my head when I read this earlier but had no time to respond. I don't blame my stbxh's affair partner one bit. My husband made vows to be faithful and he broke those vows not the ugly little hobbit he cheated with.

I think the op has a great deal of misplaced blame and isn't thinking logically.
 

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First off, what are you going to "sue" them for? Your spouse is the one that made the decision to cheat on you. If anyone made a decision to wreck your marriage and financially destroy your family, you should be talking to them. In terms of punishing them, go ahead and publicly out them as much as you like, if you feel the need for revenge.

Second, as someone who cheated, I can say that in my situation (if no-one else's), it was a case of "if it wasn't her, it would have been someone else". Yes, my affair partners knew that I was married and had kids. But it was ENTIRELY my decision to seek someone out. They didn't encourage me to cheat in any way.

So yes, I disagree with the suing an affair partner. Take it out on your spouse. They're the only ones that promised you anything.

C
 

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SusieWoo:

I'm sure you're not alone, but you sure DON'T HAVE MY VOTE! [Note: I will talk about men, but include women in EVERYTHING I have to say.]

Being betrayed is one of the most hurtful things someone can go through, yes your other half is most to blame for betraying you No,

I submit they are 100% to blame for betraying you!

I agree!!

but what about the other person who they did it with it takes two to tango.

I liken it to someone who shoots another person INTENDING to kill them. In scenario A: by some miracle, the victim survives. In scenario B: the victim dies. Should the shooter in scenario A serve less time, be punished less severely merely because his victim happened to survive? I say NO! THE INTENTION WAS THE SAME!

I agree agian. But in this scenario that have a partner in crime. And majority of the time they know that the AP is married.

Ditto for a cheater. If he wasn't banging Alice, he would move on to Susie, Amy, Juanita, Darla, etc. until he found SOMEONE willing! His INTENT is to cheat; the actual person with whom he's cheating is IMMATERIAL...she is a random person in the equation that does not change cheater's original intention...to cheat on you.

And I call bull crap on this one. Unless the AP is unaware of their partner's status then they are just as much to blame. If it was not for the willing participant he would not be able to pull off the crime.

Why should they get off scott free to go and do it to another family. Its not just the betrayed partner that gets hurt its the children and extending family and friends. The other affair partner most often goes in fully aware that they are married with a family

Wow, *that* is a big ASSUMPTION on YOUR part...do you think cheaters don't LIE (I'm single/separated/divorced/widowed). Yeah, they're SO trustworthy! They're lying to you, the spouse, why wouldn't they be lying to affair partner? Not ALL of the time, but enough that *I* wouldn't feel comfortable saying MOST of the AP's 'knew' about the wife/kids.

I have been on many pro and anti affair websites and I will tell the at 90% of the women/men knew either prior or during the affiar that their partner was married and/or had kids.

but it doesn't bother them, maybe if there was a law fetched in where you could sue if they new about you and your children they might think twice.

Why? To be BRUTALLY HONEST: they owe you and your children NOTHING! They did not promise to love/honor/cherish you...your SPOUSE did that. They are not OBLIGATED to look out for you and your children! It would be "nice" if they did, but they're not OBLIGATED TO.

Because it is being called a human with a sense of morality. They may not know the BS and/or their children, but we are not put on earth to cause harm to someone just because we do not know them. And yes he/she made vows and they should be respected not only by the WS but society as well.

just like they're not obligated to pull you from a burning car, although they know you're going to be hurt; or stop you from stepping in front of a bus.

And that is the difference between a hero and a coward.

After all you can divorce your other half whether they want you to or not. They lose all your respect, their kids and families respect, and often lose everything, what does the other partner in crime lose, nothing they are free to go and help ruing someone else's life

Yeah, because these people have no families, no friends who are aware of what they do; there is no judgement made on them, they have no emotional issues....they just pirouette through life with nary a care/problem in the world. Just because YOU don't see them being spit-on and despised and shunned in public, does not mean their life is all rosy.

And their emotional issues are no reason to inflict pain on a random stranger. And I am sorry to say that if an OW/MOW/MOM/OM is unwilling to feel guilty or sorry for their actions then the deserve to be shunned and despised.

(which I no of quite a few what have done so). Its like all these women that go for famous footballers and pop stars they no they are married but it doesn't stop them.

Because they're gold-digging 'ho's; THAT is their profession. We don't have to LIKE it, but it exists...like prostitution.

Let me set you straight a w**** or prostitute at least has the brain to get paid. Not just laid for attention. That is called a s***.

You can sue someone for saying something a bit racial or touching you a bit too friendly I find

*THAT* statement offensive!

Yet TRUE

or even being a bit of a bully all sorts of things. But yet another person can help ruin your family's life and you cannot do a thing

How about a law throwing your own spouse in jail for adultery. How about putting the onus where it belongs on the ACTUAL CHEATER...not his partner, not society, not anybody else but the lying deceiver who STARTED IT ALL by CHEATING!

I would be happy if all states took into consideration adultery in a divorce. I put it on both the WS and their knowing AP.

....Seems a bit sad to me.

I suppose a lot of people wouldn't like that because they'd lose his income while he's in jail. They want to see SOMEONE suffer, as long as it doesn't put any more mess on the family that's already been screwed over. I understand that...but it isn't fair, it isn't logical to not punish him FIRST AND FOREMOST.

I would punish both equally. Hence the fault in divorce and being able to sue for alienation of affection.

I suppose I m the only one to feel like this. Am I.

I'm sure you're not! I just thought you should see how your suggestion sounds to people who have NOT been cheated on!

While you are entiltled to your opinion, you have no personal experience to back up your convictions.

I know you're hurting, and I don't blame you! But suing others just allows the cheater to "blame" others and "rationalize" his behavior as the 'fault' of someone else who 'tempted' him...like he's not a sentient being in control of his own actions.

Actually the suit is not brought by the AP. It is brought the BS in order to tell the AP to back the hell off and not to even think about doing it to another person. Nobody is saying that the WS is not responsible for their own actions, just that their AP is just as responsible for the fallout.
 

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In my case, it is more than apparent that my STBXW led these "other men" from her past on, greatly judging by her FB postings to them.

From that perspective, there is absolutely nothing, I'm afraid, that would be in the cards for me as the BS, with respect to this!
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Underwater thank you for your comments I agree..

And slowlygettingwiser I am afraid you are not very wise and I only hope it never happens to you because until it does you haven't got a clue. Especially when I no who the ow was and you don't.. And they could throw my husbands ass in jail for me would serve him right for breaking a family of 32 years up for the sake of a shag with a slag...And yes the woman was and still is a slag and is now seeing another married man.........And I never said I didn't Blame my husband in fact I never said it was about me at all I was just stating the facts.. :mad:
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
SusieWoo:

I'm sure you're not alone, but you sure DON'T HAVE MY VOTE! [Note: I will talk about men, but include women in EVERYTHING I have to say.]
Being betrayed is one of the most hurtful things someone can go through, yes your other half is most to blame for betraying you No, I submit they are 100% to blame for betraying you! but what about the other person who they did it with it takes two to tango. I liken it to someone who shoots another person INTENDING to kill them. In scenario A: by some miracle, the victim survives. In scenario B: the victim dies. Should the shooter in scenario A serve less time, be punished less severely merely because his victim happened to survive? I say NO! THE INTENTION WAS THE SAME!

Ditto for a cheater. If he wasn't banging Alice, he would move on to Susie, Amy, Juanita, Darla, etc. until he found SOMEONE willing! His INTENT is to cheat; the actual person with whom he's cheating is IMMATERIAL...she is a random person in the equation that does not change cheater's original intention...to cheat on you.

Why should they get off scott free to go and do it to another family. Its not just the betrayed partner that gets hurt its the children and extending family and friends. The other affair partner most often goes in fully aware that they are married with a family Wow, *that* is a big ASSUMPTION on YOUR part...do you think cheaters don't LIE (I'm single/separated/divorced/widowed). Yeah, they're SO trustworthy! They're lying to you, the spouse, why wouldn't they be lying to affair partner? Not ALL of the time, but enough that *I* wouldn't feel comfortable saying MOST of the AP's 'knew' about the wife/kids. but it doesn't bother them, maybe if there was a law fetched in where you could sue if they new about you and your children they might think twice. Why? To be BRUTALLY HONEST: they owe you and your children NOTHING! They did not promise to love/honor/cherish you...your SPOUSE did that. They are not OBLIGATED to look out for you and your children! It would be "nice" if they did, but they're not OBLIGATED TO...just like they're not obligated to pull you from a burning car, although they know you're going to be hurt; or stop you from stepping in front of a bus. After all you can divorce your other half whether they want you to or not. They lose all your respect, their kids and families respect, and often lose everything, what does the other partner in crime lose, nothing they are free to go and help ruing someone else's life Yeah, because these people have no families, no friends who are aware of what they do; there is no judgement made on them, they have no emotional issues....they just pirouette through life with nary a care/problem in the world. Just because YOU don't see them being spit-on and despised and shunned in public, does not mean their life is all rosy. (which I no of quite a few what have done so). Its like all these women that go for famous footballers and pop stars they no they are married but it doesn't stop them. Because they're gold-digging 'ho's; THAT is their profession. We don't have to LIKE it, but it exists...like prostitution. You can sue someone for saying something a bit racial or touching you a bit too friendly I find *THAT* statement offensive! or even being a bit of a bully all sorts of things. But yet another person can help ruin your family's life and you cannot do a thing How about a law throwing your own spouse in jail for adultery. How about putting the onus where it belongs on the ACTUAL CHEATER...not his partner, not society, not anybody else but the lying deceiver who STARTED IT ALL by CHEATING!....Seems a bit sad to me. I suppose a lot of people wouldn't like that because they'd lose his income while he's in jail. They want to see SOMEONE suffer, as long as it doesn't put any more mess on the family that's already been screwed over. I understand that...but it isn't fair, it isn't logical to not punish him FIRST AND FOREMOST.I suppose I m the only one to feel like this. Am I. I'm sure you're not! I just thought you should see how your suggestion sounds to people who have NOT been cheated on!

I know you're hurting, and I don't blame you! But suing others just allows the cheater to "blame" others and "rationalize" his behavior as the 'fault' of someone else who 'tempted' him...like he's not a sentient being in control of his own actions.

You can sue someone for saying something a bit racial or touching you a bit too friendly I find *THAT* statement offensive! why do you find that offensive its the truth..
Sorry I find another woman sleeping with my husband offensive.
 

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This is an interesting thread - lot's of different ways to view this.

Your WS would have to be part of the suit of course. Unless you just sue the AP and then the AP would have to countersue the WS.

Then there would be all sorts of "defenses". Emotional abuse. Alleged infidelity on the other side. etc, etc.

First you would have to prove the affair happened, then prove that the affair caused you harm.

I guess it opens up a can of worms which is why it's not common.

Another avenue might be to have the WS and AP charged with abuse. Emotional abuse. Again - probably opens up a can of worms...
 

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I personally don't think so. I was a BS in my first marriage. I picked myself up and moved on. I couldn't ask for a better husband then what I have now. I'm extremely grateful for how everything turned out. I'm even more grateful I never have to speak to my ex h ever again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I personally don't think so. I was a BS in my first marriage. I picked myself up and moved on. I couldn't ask for a better husband then what I have now. I'm extremely grateful for how everything turned out. I'm even more grateful I never have to speak to my ex h ever again.



Have you got no children to you first husband, and how long was you with him. I am glad you are happy and have moved on. :)
 
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