[bobsmith]

As some already know, my fiance and I are going through hard times. She has pulled back with the talk of "I love you but not in love with you right now". Though there are accusations, Her affirmation and me knowing her pretty well firms up that cheating is not in the mix here.

Most of our problems stem from her seeing me as someone that has failed to commit or act that I truly love her. All things I am working on. She has told me point blank that she is on the fence and does NOT know which way it will go.

However, we have talked about my needs and how I am a physical person and kisses and hugs each day are important to me. Though she is having a hard time with emotion, she is still allowing me to touch her, about anywhere, kiss her, and we even had sex for an hour last night. She likes when I am sort of demanding and take charge so I just got behind her before we went to bed, and went after her. After which she guided me through oral on her with my hands that lasted 15min and her moaning in happiness.

She has made it CLEAR that we are having sex, not making love, but I also wonder if this is a sort of door she is purposely leaving open to make sure I walk through? She said that touching is OK but our big, passionate hugs and such are out but sort of leading me, IMO, that I need to keep her on the path right now and keep leading her.

We are starting MC next Monday. After reading some comments here, I feel that our sessions will go MUCH better than a lot of people. No screaming, no unknowns, we know where each other are, just not sure how to navigate them now.

I am really sorry if I sound like a broken record about now. New emotions everyday but I think now that we have broken some walls in the sexual boundaries, it will help because I seriously think it is hard for her to "just have sex" and not have emotions.

I guess I am sort of thinking now that she has thought I did not love her for so long that she just wants to see me WANT her and see that I am going to do things to change before she will turn the faucet back on.

 

[AFEH]

If my wife had done such a thing to me I would have been thinking I was being played.

A woman doesn’t give her sex for nothing. There’s a reason she’s doing it, maybe she’s treading water with you, keeping you onside with sex while she determines if she leaves or goes with someone else.

I think what she’s doing is very cheap, it’s making her look cheap.


You’d need to look into your soul to see what it means to you to take sex from a woman who doesn’t love you. To be honest with you it sounds like she’s prostituting herself. And you’re taking it. Be a Man, don't cheapen yourself as well, tell her you don’t take sex from a woman who doesn’t love you.

 

[WorkingOnMe]

I can definitely see her point about you. Based on the timeline alone I don't really believe you've ever had any intentions of marrying her. You've been "engaged" 3 years. Do you even have a date set? Without a date I would consider you "pre-engaged" and I wouldn't really consider her your fiancé. She's probably wondering how long you plan to stall. She's not getting any younger. She's probably thinking fish or cut bait.

 

[bobsmith]

WOM, I do agree with you and I guess never realized I should "do it all". When we engaged, I told her "name the time and place, and I will be there" but I also intended for there to be more talk about that where I can participate a bit. I think we BOTH failed there.

I have been told as well about the age issue. A woman might not care as much in their early 20s, but mid 30s, it becomes much more important. I personally have never combined "commitment" and "marriage" because, IMO, if two people are committed, they should not even need to be married other than to satisfy the population. However, it has become apparent that she NEEDS this to feel whole and I do get that.

What do you make of these recent "acts of service" shall we call them? I guess we are taking care of each other's needs but as I have always read, men can do that but women usually have some emotional attachment regarding sex.

 

[WorkingOnMe]

Sometimes sex is just sex. My guess is she was horny and you were there. I wouldn't read into it at all. It certainly doesn't mean she going to be patient for another 3 years.