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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i have been on unemployment for all the time me and the hubby have been together, even after we got married, and was so used to spending my money on anything and everything i wanted, then we got married and bills came in to play, so now my hubby blames me for being irresponsible with my money and i should have had some savings for when i needed the extra money. he had lent me some money to fix my car which we both use to get to where we need to go and now all he does is complain about the money i owe him. is it me or is it wrong dor him to keep going on and on about the darn money, if hes my hubby and were supposed to be married shouldnt the husband be the main support system and the bread winner in the family, or have i been brainwashed by parents who taught me the wrong thing. So i mentioned that he should be the main bread winner and he went off on a rampage, and he blames me for why hes broke and has no money. right now we are struggling money wise, but its making our relationship worse and worse him keep bringing up the fact that i owe him money and he thinks the only reaosn i married him was to take all his money! he doesnt really make much money so theres not really much to take if i was a golddigger, but im not and i didnt intend for my financial situation to change and have him pay for everything. but dotn u think if he uses the car, he should also put into it in some way. We also have a baby on the way, our first one together and things just seem to be going more and more down hill, we barely talk, things arew weird, and rarely make love. i dont know what to do.
 

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Marriage is an adult partnership, your husband isn't there to replace your parents as your financial backer. If you both have money coming in, it should all go toward the household budget, and if you agree to each have some separate "allowance money" after everything else is taken care of, so be it. From your post it sounds not like you expect him to be the breadwinner while you take care of the house and children, but that "what's mine is mine, what's his is ours and what's ours is mine" as the old saying goes.

I'd resent that too. If he's paying for your rent, your utilities, your food, your insurance and all the other joint necessities while you buy "anything and everything you want" with your unemployment and then ask him to pitch in for your car too because he uses it.... I'm not surprised he feels like you only want his paycheck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
We go halves on pretty much everything, its just recently my income has stopped due to losing my job and income and now its going down hill
 

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No, men should not be the main breadwinner.

Do you think women should be the main housekeeper/cook/bottle washer too?

Quashing attitudes like that are why bras were burned.
 

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I think that a husband should be the main breadwinner and at times the only one, but he shouldn't always be the only one. In other words we ladies have responsibility to work and help support the family whenever we can and its necessary. How this works is up to each couple. But I expect my husband to provide most of the financial resources, and of course I repay him in other ways such as taking care of the household. Just my opinion.
 

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I think that the spouse that earns the most should be the main breadwinner. It is only fair, right?

My husband pays for more things because he currently makes FOUR TIMES what I do. It works for us, but perhaps not for everyone.

I still work because I like to have my own money in my pocket. I am also attending college, because I don't think that a husband with more money is an excuse to have no ambition.
 

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Both my husband and I work and I make more than he does (more than twice what he makes). So no, I don't think men should be the main breadwinner. I think both partners should contribute what they can with no expectation of being taken care of in any way (both men and women). It is a partnership, in my opinion.

My husband works just as hard, if not harder, than I do. I just happen to have a higher paying job.

I don't like the idea of your husband asking you to pay him back for car repairs....since if you are married, its your money, not just "his" money. But I also don't like that you spend freely without being responsible about it and expecting your husband to financially support the both of you.
 

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My husband and I are pretty traditional. We joke that we are living in the wrong decade. We both feel that, IF HE IS ABLE TO WORK, the man should be the main breadwinner and the wife should tend to the home and children. Not to say each other helps out. Now I work 25 hrs a week because we have private school tuition to pay for , and he of course takes care of the home and kids when I am gone. I guess it's a mental outlook on our life that we share even if responsibilities get shifted. I love the traditional views, it works for our family:):):):)
 

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There are many contributions each spouse makes to the comforts and benefits of a successful marriage and its a team effort.

Each spouse should do what is best for the team except where reasonable boundaries should be drawn for self interest.

Your question dord not exist in a vacuum. Other factors have to be considered
 

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My husband and I are pretty traditional. We joke that we are living in the wrong decade. We both feel that, IF HE IS ABLE TO WORK, the man should be the main breadwinner and the wife should tend to the home and children. Not to say each other helps out. Now I work 25 hrs a week because we have private school tuition to pay for , and he of course takes care of the home and kids when I am gone. I guess it's a mental outlook on our life that we share even if responsibilities get shifted. I love the traditional views, it works for our family:):):):)
Me & my husband is also more Traditional -or what I term "Old fashioned". Before we married, we discussed this, we both had full time jobs, mine even paid a little more than his at the time, but we had $$ saved, we are very careful savers & do it yourself-ers. It was the plan for me to stay home & literally BE "barefoot & pregnant" (this does not offend me at all -I embrace it & wanted it)... when those babies started coming.

It has been this way ever since (6 kids ago) , it works amazingly well for our family. I manage the $$ very frugally, I take care of everything outside of his working that a woman can do ... all the scheduling, appointments, cooking, cleaning, laundry, researching, bill paying, etc etc .... and he does the MANLY stuff & I give him a helping hand when he needs it.

I have had small jobs that can easily work around his schedule & our kid's , but other than that, I am simply the SAHM & hearily enjoy my role. He does not want me to work, and I am thankful I don't have too. A blessing in this day & age.

I know, for my husband, his manlihood, is tied into his "providing" for his family, if he lost his job, this would be incredably hard on him-it is just something built into him, I would have to help them through that time- and get myself out there in the work force to help pay the bills till something better came along so he could take over again. Families needs to work together , strive together in all things, to get through the tough times.

I like this metaphor about WORK ......

Work is a Rubber Ball that Bounces Back - Sources of Insight

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You should both sit down look at both your incomes and expenses and figure out what makes it easier for both of yous to have more time together. Work as a team not individuals marriage is about teamwork.
 

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To Grampswife12-
If you are not putting any of your unemployement money in the pot for the household finances... then that is a big problem. It will only cause more & more stress.
 
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