Should I worry about wife's male friendship?
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I think the OP is a pretty smart guy. I would have the drink and just let whatever happens organically happen....He will know...I guess the odd thing is why...Daily texting , coffee , and it all stops after NYE...
What changed...?
I'm not sure how many times the OP has met Sven...I thought it was only 1 time at a party at his house.
I'm assuming the invite came via the wife.
I would seem odd to me that Sven would have OP cell number.
What changed...?
I'm not sure how many times the OP has met Sven...I thought it was only 1 time at a party at his house.
I'm assuming the invite came via the wife.
I would seem odd to me that Sven would have OP cell number.
OK, I have to admit I'm having a hard time keeping up with all of the comments coming in. The 'slow drip' is not intended, just a reality of the time I have to spend on this. Let me try to clarify some of the drink invite speculation. I only met the man twice, once was just a handshake when I came into the yoga studio with my wife early on, he came right over from across the room to meet me and shake my hand, only a hello and introduction that time. The other time was the Christmas party where we had a pretty lengthy conversation. Most of that was around business, we both had a failed business in common and were trying to figure out the aftermath and best path forward. I believe he brought up getting together sometime to discuss further at the party, mainly he was looking for ideas regarding his business (although he considers it failed, it is still potentially viable and he has options). Also, I do option trading and he was very interested to learn more about that. When I was with my Dad, we traded 3-4 texts. That is where the drink suggestion came in, again from his stated desire to talk more about business and I was open because I saw an opportunity to learn more about the topic at hand here. I do not believe anything is going on now. My goal is to figure out if something was going on, not to stop something that I don't think is happening any longer- if it ever did at all. That is why I will accept the invite (I have not formally done that yet). My wife does not know about that from me, but you may remember that she at one time told me he was interested in my friendship so it should not come as a surprise to her. I believe I will accept without telling her and see if she fishes for information or appears oblivious to the planned drink. Hope that helps a bit on at least this aspect of the 'saga'.
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In case you hadn’t noticed the typical narrative is……SHE’S CHEATING!!!!
She cooks with a wood spoon??? OMG she must be cheating!!!
She owns a cellphone??? OMG she is cheating!!!!
She wore a pair of jeans ??? OMG she is cheating!!!!
Her parents are still alive???? That zlut !!!
Anyways….. trust but verify is good and sounds like you have it under control.
Good luck with the options market. I do some day trading myself 👌
She cooks with a wood spoon??? OMG she must be cheating!!!
She owns a cellphone??? OMG she is cheating!!!!
She wore a pair of jeans ??? OMG she is cheating!!!!
Her parents are still alive???? That zlut !!!
Anyways….. trust but verify is good and sounds like you have it under control.
Good luck with the options market. I do some day trading myself 👌
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OMG she had pasta for lunch …… It’s worse than we thought !!!!!
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Thanks for the detail. Appreciate it.
@Mr.Married I agree some people jump to cheating way too soon. But keep in mind, AdamsRob came to us because of a bad feeing in his gut. That is not to be ignored.
@AdamsRob just keep in mind, no matter how much you guys relate to each other, you cannot trust him. My wife had a guy friend too, and he and I became friends. We both liked the same baseball team, had some of the same opinions on things. Both were writing a novel. Behind my back, he was pining after my wife romantically, while telling me I was one of his few friends. My posts to you are not based on wanting a fun time or to be entertained. It's because I've been there, and I don't want anyone else to go through the pain I went through.
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Adam
I agree with one poster that some people here could make out of proportion - but there is a reason for that. your story checks all red flag behavior of a cheater.
is the other guy attractive? physical and personality - what I'm asking is, knowing your wife, would he be her type to date if guys weren't married?
Now, lets flip the scenarios
lets you do the same thing to your wife, everything you posted here - such as, going to yoga while her dad is sick - not picking you up or going with you etc... and you have an attractive Yoga lady who talks to you all the time and go out with to dinner and coffee. then she comes to your wife and would like to know her..
the Yoga guy's behavior might be so he can know your weaknesses, or make you feel you are in the safe zone. he found out the important topics you like to discuss from your wife and now aligning them with you. he possibly just crawling his way to your family.
you can think of me backward person or sexiest or whatever, I don't believe two attractive male and female that shares the same hobbies, lunch, coffee, and dinner can be just friends, especially if they are married to different people.
watch a movie called Taste of Hunger A Taste of Hunger (2021) - IMDb
a Man's gut is always right - there is something
This is the perfect example of why information is powerful.
You painted a picture of your wife being and acting sketchy with YogaBoy.
However, now you introduce that you have a somewhat casual and informal acquaintanceship with YogaBoy.
So, of course, him asking you out for a drink isn't out of left field.
If this would have been disclosed in the beginning, perhaps the speculation could have been better targeted, and more accurate and useful.
Perhaps your wife and YogaBoy are partaking of much more than the yoga, but I would say it is less likely now after reading this.
However, do the work and find out once and for all.
Should she be utilizing YogaBoy to augment her exercise regimen, then you may want to take corrective actions if you value fidelity in your marriage, including, but not limited to, divorce.
Should you find that the above is not the case, then you may want to consider discussing and establishing/reestablishing proper boundaries with her, as the ones that you have at present (as you have presented them) seem somewhat blurred and imprecise. Then you may want to adopt a "Trust but Verify" tact as standard practice in the future.
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I think OP is finding anyway possible in His mind to prevent him having to address a situation that, whether innocent or guilty, is hugely bothering him.
That in itself shows a no confrontational attitude that will not serve him well in his marriage (not that I know much about having a good marriage, just saying what I believe).
OP, why not just tell your wife your concerns and have this guy exit stage left, from your marriage. 3 is a crowd. It’s not that complicated. If she’s not enotiinalky connected to him, this really shouldn’t be hard at all, agreed?
That in itself shows a no confrontational attitude that will not serve him well in his marriage (not that I know much about having a good marriage, just saying what I believe).
OP, why not just tell your wife your concerns and have this guy exit stage left, from your marriage. 3 is a crowd. It’s not that complicated. If she’s not enotiinalky connected to him, this really shouldn’t be hard at all, agreed?
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Ok, so I'm a wreck on this story. First guy gets concerned about wifes new yoga training and a male in the group somehow. Wife mentions him on several occasions. This hits him as odd. Writes about this here. Checks her texts, nothing really odd, but finds out they have had coffee dates after class. She didn't tell him about this. Omission. Next he continues to snoop with suspicious ideas, nothing real. She has Christmas party, he does show specifically of all invited. He observes wifes behavior and then is engaged in conversation with the guy from class extensively. Had previously agreed for wife to go to NYE's/NYD retreat for her yoga class. Now worried he might be there and wife might engage physically. Gives description of clothing she packs, ensuring to mention a nice, yet possibly seductive dress?(?) He continues snooping texts. Sees a few more, nothing of value while also attending to very ill Father. Returns before retreat and during retreat does drive bys, sees her car and location match. Saw another odd text after the retreat between the 2 and then no more texts. Now suddenly mentions guy from yoga class invited him to a drink personally, which he's inclined to accept. Now all of a sudden, oh yeah, I did stop by yoga studio early on and the guy came over shook my hand and introduced himself. OP asked several times if he'd been to the studio, never said either way. Also that OP and guy had exchanged several texts while with his father about their party
conversation. Never mentioned this before.
So now this thread is at 22 pages and growing with alot of spin cycling from the barest of info tricking in? I dont know about this one folks.
conversation. Never mentioned this before.
So now this thread is at 22 pages and growing with alot of spin cycling from the barest of info tricking in? I dont know about this one folks.
Oh I believe it.....These yoga classes are a cesspool of infidelity....Like I said previously, there was one near my house. It's closed now I'm assuming from infidelity. The Guru , yoga master , or whatever the F you call him , was bedding some of wives...A husband showed up and the rest is history. So yeah , it's plausible.
No point getting your boxers in a bunch over this.
After all, the OP appears to be relatively unfluffed.
This is his potential marriage crisis, not ours.
It is being presented as a Nancy Drew Mystery.
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101 Posts
Oh, im not. This one just seems very detached and emotionless compared to others is. Has an unusual flavor to it that makes me,,,,,weary?
My point as well.
Almost narrated.
All,
I appreciate the time everyone took to read and comment. I think from the last several comments this has run its course. I have much to do and learn before any confrontation takes place, and it may be awhile before anything new (if anything at all) materializes. As I mentioned earlier, at this stage I am more interested in learning if something happened and was being hidden from me. I'm fairly certain that nothing is going on now. Everyone is different in how they react and what emotions they will share with others, especially to a group of people they have never met via a system like this one. If I learn anything of interest I will post it for those who are curious and feel vested in this situation. I am sensitive to wasting all of your time with any additional posts without anything tangible to share. Many of your comments were quite helpful and I appreciate it.
I appreciate the time everyone took to read and comment. I think from the last several comments this has run its course. I have much to do and learn before any confrontation takes place, and it may be awhile before anything new (if anything at all) materializes. As I mentioned earlier, at this stage I am more interested in learning if something happened and was being hidden from me. I'm fairly certain that nothing is going on now. Everyone is different in how they react and what emotions they will share with others, especially to a group of people they have never met via a system like this one. If I learn anything of interest I will post it for those who are curious and feel vested in this situation. I am sensitive to wasting all of your time with any additional posts without anything tangible to share. Many of your comments were quite helpful and I appreciate it.
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Well, it's always up to each individual who decides to come to a public forum, to share what they will. Take care of yourself, do hope all is well and its just a case of runaway imagination. Best wishes in your journey.
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