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Yogaman is either 1) trying to put you at ease and get you off the scent. 2) your wife possibly jilted him and now he wants to get her back so he’s going to come clean with you. 3) he is a loser with no friends, so he sees you as a possible real male friend bc he’s friends with your wife 4) He’s really gay and you’ve been the target all along. Nothing would surprise me at this point.
If I was betting on it I’d say scenario 1.
#1 is most likely. #3 a distant second.

And if it is #3 I wouldn't oblige. A single person entering a friendship with a married couple is weird and is playing with fire. It's one thing if you were all single and friends at one point and two got married. Or if the person is divorced and you know their ex. But to START a NEW friendship with both members of a married couple is just bizarre and no thank you. We have single acquaintances like that, but not where they are coming over and hanging out.
 

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Frankly, Yoga Boy inviting you out for a drink is weird AF.
If he is doing so to "Put you at ease," that IMO is a tacit admission that some side action was/is going on.
In a way, this almost makes me think she got overly excitable, was putting the moves on him, and he wants no part of it.
It would explain him not showing up for the NY rendezvous (if it was truly verified that he was not present.)
If you take the invite, I think that you should have a VAR handy.
I would also follow the advice mentioned to put in some safeguards for yourself, should things go sideways.
 

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If you go, I would suggest that work into the conversation that last year your wife mentioned his name a lot and said she met him for 1 on 1 coffee, and this had made you uneasy because you did not know what his intensions were. Leave it there and see how he responds. Regardless what his response is you should then ask when the last time they met for coffee. You could leave the questioning at that point and see what happens. If your wife comes to you in a way that shows he has talked to her about your questions, you will have a clear indication of how deep their discussions are. I also think the VAR is a good idea.
 

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Frankly, Yoga Boy inviting you out for a drink is weird AF.
If he is doing so to "Put you at ease," that IMO is a tacit admission that some side action was/is going on.
In a way, this almost makes me think she got overly excitable, was putting the moves on him, and he wants no part of it.
It would explain him not showing up for the NY rendezvous (if it was truly verified that he was not present.)
If you take the invite, I think that you should have a VAR handy.
It is very strange and only makes sense if his wife told him that she thinks her husband is suspicious of us. So he following that adage of keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
I too wonder if he really missed the NYE event. Could that curt NY Day text exchange be a ruse to throw Adam off because she knows he’s monitoring her.

A wife blowing off NYE with her husband to go to some yoga retreat with some women she’s known a few months is a red flag. That she was dressing to the nines made it that much more suspect. Then she comes back and is over the top sexual with Adam when she returns? Guilty much?
 

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It is very strange and only makes sense if his wife told him that she thinks her husband is suspicious of us. So he following that adage of keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
I too wonder if he really missed the NYE event. Could that curt NY Day text exchange be a ruse to throw Adam off because she knows he’s monitoring her.

A wife blowing off NYE with her husband to go to some yoga retreat with some women she’s known a few months is a red flag. That she was dressing to the nines made it that much more suspect. Then she comes back and is over the top sexual with Adam when she returns? Guilty much?
To me, if he is there to try to sell that nothing is going on, that creates a couple of possibilities.
At a minimum, that states that OP'S W is having inappropriate conversations with Yoga Boy about things that are beyond his pay grade.
Other than that, that tact basically says they're bangin'.
To me, if one is stupid enough to needlessly heighten the alert level in that fashion, they may as well admit it and own it.
My gut feeling is that either she came on to him, he didn't want it, and is going to tip OP off or She came on to him, got a case of the guilts, ratcheted back, and Yoga Boy now has a case of the "Red A**," and he is going to rat her out.
I agree that the NYE event was a red flag, and should have been dealt with in a much more direct and forceful manner by the OP. There was not only the overdressing, there was also lingerie involved that would not necessarily be appropriate for a yoga event.
Her OTT reaction upon return indicates guilt at some level. Either guilt for what she did, almost did, or if she was shunned by Yoga Boy, what she could lose.
 

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If I remember correctly early on, didn't OP mention about he had been an insurance fraud investigator? If so, then why is it that hard for him to figure out IF somethings going on. How hard would it be for him to borrow a friend's phone, rent a car, go there and see in real time what, IF, anything is going on? Take a spare key to check her car and see it her phones there but she's not. Check the so called coffee shop? Just doesn't add up. Is his marriage really of any importance?
 

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I think you should meet with him in order for you to assess what they talk about/how much he knows about her and your personal life.

For example, marriage/compatibility issues, her husband, her life goals.

If he knows a lot of personal stuff, that's a red flag. Why? because studies find that personal topics lead to excess familiarity and emotional bonding - that often escalate quickly and unexpectedly to sex.

And if he provides personal advice to your wife behind your back, then he's basically a wedge in your relationship. No spouse can compete with him (nor should they have to).

Finally, his business may be losing money and he's looking for a partner/investor - and he's been grooming your wife right from the start (including coffee dates).
 

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To me, if he is there to try to sell that nothing is going on, that creates a couple of possibilities.
At a minimum, that states that OP'S W is having inappropriate conversations with Yoga Boy about things that are beyond his pay grade.
Other than that, that tact basically says they're bangin'.
To me, if one is stupid enough to needlessly heighten the alert level in that fashion, they may as well admit it and own it.
My gut feeling is that either she came on to him, he didn't want it, and is going to tip OP off or She came on to him, got a case of the guilts, ratcheted back, and Yoga Boy now has a case of the "Red A**," and he is going to rat her out.
I agree that the NYE event was a red flag, and should have been dealt with in a much more direct and forceful manner by the OP. There was not only the overdressing, there was also lingerie involved that would not necessarily be appropriate for a yoga event.

I agree with the posters here. Some very clever insights.
This is way too fishy. There are many possibilities as to why the "weird" request to meet for a drink.
As an additional thought - posters here suggest you do the investigating ( excellent idea ) - but he could possibly trying to feel you out to see how you respond to his questions. He'll be trying to figure out how much you know and how much he can get away with. He must be pretty sure of himself to be "dating" a "married" woman.

Perhaps, instead of having your friends on call - how about having a couple of them being there ahead of time to discretely watch the meeting. I know I would gladly do it to help a friend. Better to be safe. You don't know what's on his mind.

Be safe and good luck.
 

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I think he's meeting with you to convince you that you should be comfortable with them spending time together. Clearly your wife has told him you're not comfortable.

IMO there is no valid reason for your wife to be in his class or work with him at all. There's plenty of yoga instructors and plenty of other locations.

AND after assessing how much personal stuff he knows about her/you, that's the question I'd leave him with!

Why him? Why your wife?
 

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Funny in a way. Right up the street from my house a yoga and meditation center opened.
It's an Indian guru or something that holds the classes. About a month ago I drove by and there was a bunch of police cars outside. Apparently the guy had bedded several of the yoga students. I just found out that one of the husband's stopped by to pay him a visit... It didn't end well for the teacher ...It's closed now
 

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Tested, I’d wager that he does not. I’d wager that these women, that are probably younger than Adam’s wife and single, are not looking for a guy who’s pursuing this training to end up doing a possibly successful yoga business. They want a man who’s going to be able to support them while they pursue this Yoga thing. It is only a married woman that has a good and loving husband that provides well that would put herself in a situation to be involved with a guy like this.
 

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AdamsRob, does this guy have a one on one friendship with any of the other women in the group?
How would he know? He's never mentioned actually visiting with the class on their turf or observing them that way, unnoticed. Only time he's had interactions with them is in controlled situations where the narrative was preset by his wife.
 

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If you go, I would suggest that work into the conversation that last year your wife mentioned his name a lot and said she met him for 1 on 1 coffee, and this had made you uneasy because you did not know what his intensions were. Leave it there and see how he responds. Regardless what his response is you should then ask when the last time they met for coffee. You could leave the questioning at that point and see what happens. If your wife comes to you in a way that shows he has talked to her about your questions, you will have a clear indication of how deep their discussions are. I also think the VAR is a good idea.
Sorry, this first part is weak. Don't do this. The dude will just lie.

He has to be firmer and more alpha here. "I do not trust you" is more powerful than "you made me uneasy". This guy has zero incentive to come clean about anything. In fact, just the opposite.

OP doesn't come here often....if he told us whether his wife passed on the invitation vs Yoga Man reaching out directly, that would tell us a lot. If she passed it on, then there is likely some strategy that took place. If he did this on his own, then either he wants to 1) tell OP that his wife is pursuing him, or 2) make new friends (which is weird, and potentially a red herring).
 

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Sorry, this first part is weak. Don't do this. The dude will just lie.

He has to be firmer and more alpha here. "I do not trust you" is more powerful than "you made me uneasy". This guy has zero incentive to come clean about anything. In fact, just the opposite.

OP doesn't come here often....if he told us whether his wife passed on the invitation vs Yoga Man reaching out directly, that would tell us a lot. If she passed it on, then there is likely some strategy that took place. If he did this on his own, then either he wants to 1) tell OP that his wife is pursuing him, or 2) make new friends (which is weird, and potentially a red herring).
I would not say much at all until I heard what the guy wanted and seemed to be up to. But I agree, when the time comes don't be polite, be blunt.
 

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This is making no sense at all. He doesn't state how the invite was delivered, by personal phone call, direct pm or by his wife. Doesn't state much at all. Does the wife want to go? Is she interested in what the meeting would be about? Chatting up hubby to see if she can innocently get details? Will he act as if he's leaving if alone, then park and walk home to see what the wife is doing? Texting or talking on the phone? If so does he really have the balls to go in and ask for the phone and see who she was just talking to or texting with. Could it be a ploy to lure him out of the house and he go to the drink meet up, never indicated where or if he was going to, just for the yoga man to show up at his house, then say I totally was to busy with life stuff to make it and didn't even have time to call or pm about it. Say I'm sorry I simply forgot.
Once again just an amazingly titillating bit of information to leave all guessing and drawing conclusions on, well nothing!
 
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