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That's weird. All of a sudden he wants to hang out?
Should I worry about wife's male friendship?
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Him asking you to go out for a drink is a major red flag. Total red herring. But yes, absolutely accept the invitation. Not because you want to hear what HE has to say, but instead because YOU are going to control the encounter. See below.
I guarantee you he will 1) try to be all friendly, and 2) flat out tell you/reassure you that he is not coming after your wife.
Both of these things have the sole purpose of getting you to stop investigating.
Do not fall for his olive branch. When he comes in all super friendly, I'd be cordial but not mirror that behavior. Instead, I would steer the conversation. I'd say something like this:
"Thanks for the invite, Yoga Man. Before we order a drink, I want to make something clear. I do not trust you. I know damn well that if I wasn't in the picture, you'd be pursuing my wife, and heck, maybe you already are." I see three possible reactions to this.
1) If he is smooth, he will brush this off very deftly and tell you that's why he wanted to have a drink, because he wanted to put your mind at ease. If he does this, I'd say "Of course you do, you want me to let my guard down. But that's never going to happen no matter how many drinks we have."
2) If he is caught off guard, he will probably stutter and touch his hair and do all the tells that people do when they are nervous. Watch closely. This will be a big indicator of guilty feelings.
3) Or he will get ultra defensive. Big grandiose hand gestures. Over the top denials. This is likely a red herring.
No matter which one you get, you continue to steer the conversation. Do not let him dictate how this goes.
I guarantee you he will 1) try to be all friendly, and 2) flat out tell you/reassure you that he is not coming after your wife.
Both of these things have the sole purpose of getting you to stop investigating.
Do not fall for his olive branch. When he comes in all super friendly, I'd be cordial but not mirror that behavior. Instead, I would steer the conversation. I'd say something like this:
"Thanks for the invite, Yoga Man. Before we order a drink, I want to make something clear. I do not trust you. I know damn well that if I wasn't in the picture, you'd be pursuing my wife, and heck, maybe you already are." I see three possible reactions to this.
1) If he is smooth, he will brush this off very deftly and tell you that's why he wanted to have a drink, because he wanted to put your mind at ease. If he does this, I'd say "Of course you do, you want me to let my guard down. But that's never going to happen no matter how many drinks we have."
2) If he is caught off guard, he will probably stutter and touch his hair and do all the tells that people do when they are nervous. Watch closely. This will be a big indicator of guilty feelings.
3) Or he will get ultra defensive. Big grandiose hand gestures. Over the top denials. This is likely a red herring.
No matter which one you get, you continue to steer the conversation. Do not let him dictate how this goes.
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That's a good idea. Get them together and ask lots of uncomfortable questions. You'll read their body language and get your answers. So much energy has gone into this suspicion. If she cheated it would be better to find out and then take it from there; limbo sucks.
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Did she tell you Yoga Man wanted to have a drink, or did Yoga Man contact you directly?
OP, when you post here do you do that exclusively from your phone, or do you use a PC at home? I really wonder if she's been checking your browser history... If so, then she is following this thread and is one step ahead of you. If that's the case then you might as well confront her now -- who sent that picture, why isn't it still on the phone, why is she no longer texting with OM from yoga, what app is she now communicating with him on, and she has one chance to come clean about all of this... I really want to believe it's nothing and I know you do as well, but man there are some really strange red flags here.
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Another slightly different tact:
The OM has lost his grip on your wife.
He wants to get that back by using you, to get close to her.
She may be ticked off at him because he was a no-show at the New Years retreat.
He might have been the only reason she chose to go to the event, because he would be there.
It would be the perfect opportunity to bed him.
To bed him for the first time, or another good opportunity to get him alone for the night.
Having hours of foreplay.
This is speculation, we still do not know.
The OM has lost his grip on your wife.
He wants to get that back by using you, to get close to her.
She may be ticked off at him because he was a no-show at the New Years retreat.
He might have been the only reason she chose to go to the event, because he would be there.
It would be the perfect opportunity to bed him.
To bed him for the first time, or another good opportunity to get him alone for the night.
Having hours of foreplay.
This is speculation, we still do not know.
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Has anybody noted how odd this whole thread is? I swear it feels like a well crafted spy/thriller novel. Players introduced, just enough of lead to an issue. Ones type of work which allows for detecting the issue and then lead after lead, to no avail on answers, all the while being ambivalent to all. Very stoic, only forthcoming with just enough titillating info to bait reactions. Long intervals between the thoughts and clues with minimal commentary or interaction with the players. Maybe I've just become cynical in my old age, I dont know. Everyone is different in the way to react to stimulus.
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The more I think about it, the more I don't like the idea of all three of them being a part of this conversation. This puts Yoga Man on a level playing field with the marriage. I think a man to man convo is better, and then an immediate chat between husband and wife after.
Guessing Yoga Man, after this conversation, will call Wife and relay what happened. Or, Wife will be so curious about the conversation, that she will be pinging Yoga Man's phone, "how did it go -is he mad at you, LOL" type stuff.
OP needs to get ahead of that by calling his wife like, immediately after leaving the bar. Doesn't have to be a huge pissing match. Just say, "Wife, I need to debrief you on our conversation, it's important to our marriage, which is my #1 priority." And then tell her how it went, and talk more when you get home.
Guessing Yoga Man, after this conversation, will call Wife and relay what happened. Or, Wife will be so curious about the conversation, that she will be pinging Yoga Man's phone, "how did it go -is he mad at you, LOL" type stuff.
OP needs to get ahead of that by calling his wife like, immediately after leaving the bar. Doesn't have to be a huge pissing match. Just say, "Wife, I need to debrief you on our conversation, it's important to our marriage, which is my #1 priority." And then tell her how it went, and talk more when you get home.
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Hard to know but it helps me get through my housework. So there's that....
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This go for drinks with the wife’s yoga friend/—-sounds totally crazy. Couple that with him being the only guy in the yogurt class….. again, odd behavior for a man. Is he so sly he pretends to be gay to get close to women and get them to let their guard down?
He could have only one goal with this “having drinks” thing: that’s to allay OP’s fears. Maybe tell OP he’s gay abs has zero interest in OP’s wife and that they’re just friends.
i would at that point regardless of his excuse they they are just friends, tell him the following:
Grow up abs stop using my wife for your own emotional support. She’s my wife and I don’t share her friendship with other makes at her work place, and I damn sure won’t have her going on coffee dates or any other kind of dates with another man. And I would explain that if the dates continue, I’d be having another not so cordial meeting with him.
If he pulls the “I’m gay” card, I’d tell him he can be gay all he wants, but your wife is not his girlfriend and you’re not going to be ok with him occupying her free time at the expense of her free time with you—— and that he still needs to get a life and find some other woman ti be his girlfriend because your wife is already taken.
I would explain it to him quite clearly that you are not going to be convinced of his “friendship “ status with your wife, don’t want to be friends with him, and expect that the relationship , whatever it is, will be at an end today, right this second.
And lastly, when he goes back crying to your wife and she complains or gets prickly about losing her “friend”, simply explain in a normal voice that you’re not competing with another man for her attention, date time, etc, and that you only want ti hear that he’s history and her relationship with you more than easily trumps the one with him, and that you are being made to feel insecure in the relationship and if she feels his friendship is more important than your marriage, you’d be glad to leave her to be free of the burden of being married to her and that you’ll see an attorney pronto to assist her in getting free to have guy friends and coffee dates with them.
It really doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong. What matters is it makes you totally uncomfortable, and that should bother her. If it doesn’t, she can carry her rear. Let’s face it, if she keeps building these friendships with other guys at the expense of your relationship, she might as well be gone.
He could have only one goal with this “having drinks” thing: that’s to allay OP’s fears. Maybe tell OP he’s gay abs has zero interest in OP’s wife and that they’re just friends.
i would at that point regardless of his excuse they they are just friends, tell him the following:
Grow up abs stop using my wife for your own emotional support. She’s my wife and I don’t share her friendship with other makes at her work place, and I damn sure won’t have her going on coffee dates or any other kind of dates with another man. And I would explain that if the dates continue, I’d be having another not so cordial meeting with him.
If he pulls the “I’m gay” card, I’d tell him he can be gay all he wants, but your wife is not his girlfriend and you’re not going to be ok with him occupying her free time at the expense of her free time with you—— and that he still needs to get a life and find some other woman ti be his girlfriend because your wife is already taken.
I would explain it to him quite clearly that you are not going to be convinced of his “friendship “ status with your wife, don’t want to be friends with him, and expect that the relationship , whatever it is, will be at an end today, right this second.
And lastly, when he goes back crying to your wife and she complains or gets prickly about losing her “friend”, simply explain in a normal voice that you’re not competing with another man for her attention, date time, etc, and that you only want ti hear that he’s history and her relationship with you more than easily trumps the one with him, and that you are being made to feel insecure in the relationship and if she feels his friendship is more important than your marriage, you’d be glad to leave her to be free of the burden of being married to her and that you’ll see an attorney pronto to assist her in getting free to have guy friends and coffee dates with them.
It really doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong. What matters is it makes you totally uncomfortable, and that should bother her. If it doesn’t, she can carry her rear. Let’s face it, if she keeps building these friendships with other guys at the expense of your relationship, she might as well be gone.
This is just my theory. Your wife got caught up in this very inappropriate relationship. Leading up to the NYE retreat she realized what was at stake and what she could lose and ended things with yoga guy. Yoga guy, not liking being rejected, is using threats to re-establish the “affair”. This drink invite is his “threat” to expose your wife to you if she won’t comply with his demands.
The question is…..will your wife comply to yoga guy? Or will she confess to you about her secret “relationship”?
The question is…..will your wife comply to yoga guy? Or will she confess to you about her secret “relationship”?
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I suspect....
For every five true cheating stories, one is contrived.
Likely, many add lip gloss for effect.
Based on the readers comments, some may fabricate a few facts/plots to satisfy the peanut gallery.
Usually, these betrayed OP's post one or two times in their own thread, and then disappear.
That, tossing in the grenade and then watching the fireworks.
I could vicariously comment, and add in some raunchy possibilities, but I am seriously trying to quit!!
A truly betrayed person is harmed by what their SO might have sexually done.
Or, what some posters rub their noses in, without proof.
Some TAM poster slam the betrayed (with 2 x 4's) to shock them into action.
It drives quite a few away.
CWI keeps me away from the Political Section.
I have made too many enemies there, for sure!
One, was dear Ole Arb.
I clearly liked that man!
Are Dee-
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Great points. I'm spending too much time in the political section. May need to ask for a break. This board is addictive!
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Conspiracy theory to follow...
OP's wife was pursuing Yoga Boy. He didn't bite and she got upset that he didn't show at the NYE retreat, for which she packed sexy clothing. She got upset, hence the short and delayed response to his Happy New Year text. Now Yoga Boy wants to talk to her husband about what was going on.
Crazy, I know, and all conjecture on my part, but nothing surprises me anymore.
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I think I posted earlier saying she may have seen you when you checked up on her. I didn't know if one person clicks their phone off, the other won't see their location. But anyway, the main reason I wanted to post:
Be careful when you meet yoga man for a drink. Tell someone, a family member, a friend or whomever, that you are going and tell them the name of the place and the name of the person you are meeting. Tell your friend (or whomever it is) you'll call them by a certain time (and remember to do so) and if they don't hear from you, you might be in trouble. You could even call your friend when you get there and tell them you'll call again when you're going home. Please keep safety in mind.
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Yogaman is either 1) trying to put you at ease and get you off the scent. 2) your wife possibly jilted him and now he wants to get her back so he’s going to come clean with you. 3) he is a loser with no friends, so he sees you as a possible real male friend bc he’s friends with your wife 4) He’s really gay and you’ve been the target all along. Nothing would surprise me at this point.
If I was betting on it I’d say scenario 1.
If I was betting on it I’d say scenario 1.
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