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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi. I started having trust issues a few months ago. It all started with the way my husband was behaving shortly after we had a baby.
It all started when he was gone on business one weekend, I wanted to pay a bill so I had to check his credit card statement to see if it had been paid yet and I found all kinds of strange charges on it. After talking with him (nonaccusingly) he claimed he let his friend use his credit card for his affair. I don't like this but over time I know this is true...A few weeks later my husband and baby were napping in the same room so I went to turn the volume down on his phone and an open text message lit up talking about "getting naked and wanting you" but it was from someone he claims is a guy forwarding it to him from a girl hes seeing. Needless to say he got really mad at me and thought I opened it. Both of these things were not on purpose. But then I became paranoid and did open a text that just said "babe?" and then even called a number that popped up from a text and it was a girl. He texts all the time, day and night, he goes out with the guys every Saturday and stays the night, and he does 1-2 overnights shifts and work.
I don't know if I am being completely paranoid and mean or if my suspicions are true.
 

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Your suspicions are right on. He is definitely cheating.
Not necessarily true, but lots red flags for sure.
she will have to do some more investagating for sure....at this point dont ask him anthing because if he is cheating he sure the hell wont come clean until you have 100% solid proof that he cant put a spin on it and explain it away or make you think your crazy.. please read the newbies link, the cheaters script what gas lighting is and read other stories here on TAM.
 

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Your suspicions are right on. He is definitely cheating.
Without a doubt!

How do you know the friend that used his card was really cheating? Lets give him the benefit of the doubt and say that is true (although I think he is feeding you a line of crap and got a friend to cover his story), so he was enabling someone to cheat? So he sees nothing wrong with it? Birds of a feather...

And as far as his phone. Don't feel guilty about looking at it! You have a family, why in the world should his phone be off limits to you? My SO and I are regularly in and on each others phones. Not for snooping but so what if you do. If there is nothing to hide there is no issue. Don't let him turn the tables on you. A text talking about getting naked and a girl texting him "babe" is the issue, not you looking at his phone. That is just ridiculous and WAY more than a red flag, that's a 2x4 to the face. I mean really?
 

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Sounds bad. Don't trust.

Become a spy, gather intel and look for hard evidence. Do not trust what he says, look at only what he does.

The mere fact he got angry and won't let you look at his phone is enough to warrant suspicion. The credit card stuff would make me apesh1t crazy. I suggest sharing that info with his "friends" wife. He is either lying to you about that or enabling a cheater? Either way don't stand for that.

Let him be mad. Tell him to straighten up or give you half his stuff and get out.
 

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Don't trust. 100% trust should never be the rule. It's what creates the environment that allows cheating to happen. In your case all of the signs of cheating are there and him hanging out with cheaterws and supporting cheaters only prove he is not opposed to cheating.

You should immediately start gathering evidence.
 

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Hi. I started having trust issues a few months ago. It all started with the way my husband was behaving shortly after we had a baby.
It all started when he was gone on business one weekend, I wanted to pay a bill so I had to check his credit card statement to see if it had been paid yet and I found all kinds of strange charges on it. After talking with him (nonaccusingly) he claimed he let his friend use his credit card for his affair. I don't like this but over time I know this is true...A few weeks later my husband and baby were napping in the same room so I went to turn the volume down on his phone and an open text message lit up talking about "getting naked and wanting you" but it was from someone he claims is a guy forwarding it to him from a girl hes seeing. Needless to say he got really mad at me and thought I opened it. Both of these things were not on purpose. But then I became paranoid and did open a text that just said "babe?" and then even called a number that popped up from a text and it was a girl. He texts all the time, day and night, he goes out with the guys every Saturday and stays the night, and he does 1-2 overnights shifts and work.
I don't know if I am being completely paranoid and mean or if my suspicions are true.
He has all-night boys night outs??? Strabge texts talking about getting naked? Credit card charges? Um, no question. He is cheating. He is taking you for a ride. You don't even need anymore evidence. You have it all right there.
 

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Don't go labeling your instincts as "trust issues."
Sorry to hear you are dealing with this while being a new mom.
It would be so nice if your H stayed home to have family time instead of this going out overnight with the guys thing.
That together with the credit card and the phone doesn't really sound as though it adds up to anything but an un-pretty picture.
It's your marriage so don't apologize for wanting to make sure that it's rock solid. And don't let anyone including and especially your husband tell you that you're feeling insecure because of having had a baby. I would feel uncertain and concerned about all the things you stated.
 

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Don't say anything more to him about anything. Just set up the necessaries and start collecting information: VAR, apps, view phone bill etc.
 

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If you know this friends info, tell his wife that her husband is having an affair and your hubby is helping to cover it up. Guarantee, that friend will blow your husband out of the water and he will have no choice but to confess.

Your man is cheating, don't be concerned with making him angry. You need to get angry.
 

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Titannia, He is cheating. First of all, it's not ok for him to spend the night out with the boys... He is not a boy. He is supposed to be a man and take care of the family. You need to put a little more leash on him. He is straying. The anger at the phone is he's angry he got caught and is being defensive...

Don't get angry, get information... He has a girl under a Guy's name to cover it up. My EX Wife did that kind of thing too.
 

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Is he in junior high? Wow, passing messages for a friend! Does he really expect you to believe such nonsense? Married people do not have sleepovers, children do, and he does this every weekend? Why are you still putting up with this behavior? He is disrespecting you, your marriage and your vows. Time to stand up for yourself.
 

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Tatianna, stop and back up. DO NOT LET HIM KNOW YOU ARE ON TO HIM....ACT LIKE YOU TRUST HIM. Because to me it sounds like you are still clinging to the hope it's his friend who was cheating. Its not. Its your husband. And the only way you will accept it is to get proof. So as others have said sit back and collect the evidence until you have solid proof. Then confront. Sorry you are here.
 

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How long have you been married? How old are you both?

Your marriage is on life-support and he is just fine with that. If he wasn't cheating or if he had JUST started to cheat he would be sweating bullets and falling all over himself to reassure you and hold his family together.

But what was his reaction? Anger, lies, continuing his 'single bad-boy' ways.

And don't ever feel bad about looking at bills, asking questions, looking at his phone msgs. You're MARRIED - even if he doesn't act like it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Thank you everyone for your replies and words of wisdom. I am in a very difficult situation and I do not know what to think anymore. A few other things~
- I do know that the charges on the card were for the friends affair, I have a way of knowing but he is still helping him.
-He has hidden everything from me. I don't know any of his passwords, he pretty much sleeps with the phone in his pocket...
-And we rarely have sex anymore. He says he is too tired most nights.
-He will go to smoke outside and be gone sometimes for 30-60 minutes then say someone called him, but this randomly happens at those exact times.
I did however get the credit card number and call to hear the balance and transactions. There are lots of strange things on there. I am so confused and sad about all of this though. Thanks again everyone.
 

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... There are lots of strange things on there. I am so confused and sad about all of this though. Thanks again everyone.
The strangest is your willingness to put up with this for so long.

"birds of a feather..."
"by their actions shall you know them"

He is comfortable with the idea of cheating. He facilitates cheaters. Do they facilitate him? You bet they do.

Gather your courage.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
How long have you been married? How old are you both?

Your marriage is on life-support and he is just fine with that. If he wasn't cheating or if he had JUST started to cheat he would be sweating bullets and falling all over himself to reassure you and hold his family together.

But what was his reaction? Anger, lies, continuing his 'single bad-boy' ways.

And don't ever feel bad about looking at bills, asking questions, looking at his phone msgs. You're MARRIED - even if he doesn't act like it.
We've been married 5 years and are both around 30. He would rather be alone than have someone that tells him what to do, he has told me this. I either have to take it or leave. I don't know if he's cheating but I do know he is lying. And staying out with the boys makes me crazy. I think I could handle the sleep over cause of drinking and driving but he doesn't come home til like 2 the next day.And has even done this on weekdays! He says he loves me but he doesnt seem to care if our relationship ends. He has hidden all the bills and his phone from me and says I just have to trust him :(
 
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