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I guess I would have a long talk and tell her that you need 100% TRANSPARENCY from her, i.e., ask her to surrender any of said info when you ask. If she truly wants to save the marriage, she should be willing to hand these things over. But if she refuses, then you have a whole other situation on your hands, and then I would start planning for divorce.

But if you wish to "spy" (sorry-there is no better word for it), then remember that the essence of espionage is to NEVER let the subject know that they are being tracked. Never reveal your sources, never let her find out that she is being watched.
 
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