[misty111]

Hello my first post so please bear with me
my husband of 13 years has been having an on - off and i think still is having an affair-relationship with a widowed woman that i know, he has been bouncing back and forward for the best part of 16mths (my fault i know) for putting up with this, i am 99.9 pc sure that i have had enough of heartbreak, pain and all the other stuff that comes with infidelity i have been a living hell since i found out, both sides of our familes know also friends as i brought it all out into the open when i found out, could i have some ideas, imput or advice regarding this....... the woman pos that my husband is with has also been with another married man not an ongowing affair as such she slept with him a couple of times, i know both him and his wife, where they work and the likes we are not friends as such but would say hi if we met each other, we live in a small community where everyone more or less knows everyone else, i HATE the woman my husband was with and really want to mess her life up as she well i know both of them have mine, will i tell this other woman about her husband ? we both have mutual friends on facebook so its not a problem , half of me wants to (this lady hasnt a clue) or not ? i dont want to hurt her but i want to get at this woman my husband was with... but am going to devastate a lady that has done no harm to me into the bargain, when i get angry im about to do it and then part of me pulls back , please any thoughts on this are welcomed

 

[disrespected]

In my opinion, I think that you should stay out of it and concentrate on your own relationship. I know it is a small town so that is the main reason. You don't want to be "that person" that is talked about for meddling in someone elses life. I know it would feel great as it would feel like a revenge on the widowed %3^8. But in the end you would suffer more from it by having rumours start up. If you want to do it I think that sending her an anonymous letter would be more helpful as it wouldn't put you on the spot and it wouldn't get your name involved in it. But you would have to put some kind of evidence in there to support it. If it doesn't do anything at all it would at least put her radar up and have her start thinking.

 

[disrespected]

Please take a look at my post and tell me what you think if you have time. It is short as I have only had one response.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/60671-disrespected.html

 

[KanDo]

Misty,

I am sorry for your ongoing pain. In my opinion, you are involved in the second affair relationship tangentially and are acquainted with the wife and husband. I filter decisions like thish through the lens of what would I want for me if the roles are reversed. If you would want to be told your husband is having an affair, then I would tell. Maybe you could somehow do it anonymously? Do have some tangible evidence that could find it's way into a letter to the wife? I don't like the fact that your motivation seems to be revenge.... Or do you think the revelation would somehow affect your husband and get him to see the error of his ways?

Good luck with your own struggle. I personally would just file and say good bye.

 

[misty111]

he knows his mistress was with somebody else i already told him, it was before they got together so he really does not seem to mind, iv texted my husbands AP pos three times on the same day
1st text was how is -----
2nd text was.. does his wife know
and 3rd was...yet ?
its revenge on my behalf i want to humiliate and hurt her as much as she did to me, but im also bringing an innocent party (other mans wife ) into this and i know thats wrong because im not telling her this because of concern for her but to get back at AP, so the rational part of me says no dont but i get angry and want to go make her feel like the piece of c--- that she is if that makes sense

 

[TCSRedhead]

Your motive is key. Doing that to harm someone else = pretty bogus. Doing it to inform a BS so she is aware = right motive.

Think on it for a while - if you can't do it from the right frame of mind, don't.

 

[LetDownNTX]

I wouldnt do it for revenge, think of how the BW will feel when she finds out. Have some compassion for her. If you do it , do it to inform her about her POSWH not because it will make you feel like you got the OW that your WS is messing with.

 

[misty111]

its all mad i know that and i sound like a raving lunatic and please believe me im not, its just knowing that i have one up on that pos i think has me feeling this way

 

[TCSRedhead]

its all mad i know that and i sound like a raving lunatic and please believe me im not, its just knowing that i have one up on that pos i think has me feeling this way

We don't think you sound like a raving lunatic but it's about taking the higher road. She will always be who she is but do you want to sink to her level?

That said, if you truly KNOW about an affair (not just someone else saying) and feel the spouse should know, then it's different than just 'getting back' at someone.

 

[disrespected]

its all mad i know that and i sound like a raving lunatic and please believe me im not, its just knowing that i have one up on that pos i think has me feeling this way

You don't sound like a raving lunatic at all. But think about this... if you do tell the other man's wife and she doesn't believe it or give it 2 thoughts you would no longer have the feeling of having one up on her and it may only cause you more pain in the end. People that sleep with married men or men that are already in a committed relationship have a lot of issues and no respect for themselves let alone others. You have one up on her that you aren't a woman like that in itself. The fact that she does it with multiple married men shows how little respect she has for her own self in trying to steal other woman's happiness. Sometimes the greatest revenge is to move on, I know that is sometimes one of the hardest things to do as I am having trouble in my own relationship and refuse to give up without a fight. I do think the anonymous letter would be the way to go but only if it is to help the other woman that has been betrayed and doesn't know about it.