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Should I tell my new partner?

1286 Views 22 Replies 12 Participants Last post by  D0nnivain
I have been through a very abusive marriage. The last years were especially hard as the abuse escalated and it was phisical, verbal, emotional, financial and I also think sexual. My ex used to get mad if I didn't give in when he wanted and how he wanted. Once he used also force, I cried and asked him to stop, but he didn't. That is how I got my second child. Today I am far away from all this, I am safe, have my own place to live, a great job and together with my kids we enjoy our lives. A new partner is in my life now after many years in which I was single. I have a lot of fears. My greatest fear is that I am not able to see the red flags and he will turn out to be abusive too. I am also very afraid of the moment when we will be intimate. Should I tell him first of the abuse I have been through? Or it's better not to disclose so much. I could really appreciate your advice. Thank you!
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As a man I would want to know because as someone who cares for you I would want to know what I need to do to calm your fears. I’d rather be doing anything you needed to feel safe instead of unknowingly doing something that caused you anxiety. I’d want to be your partner and not your accidental trouble maker.

Also speaking as a man: He already picked you so you can be certain you are already pretty enough and good enough. No need to have concerns on that one
Thank you! Yes, he seems very confident in his feelings and his wish to be with me.
If you want a committed relationship, you have to try to trust enough to be open,

because your partner doesn't know your emotional state, they may misunderstand your reactions

Someone who stays by knowing their problems will be more supportive.
Work on your self esteem. When you feel better & more confident about yourself a lot of things about dating will be easier.

Hang in there! You are right that because you were strong enough to leave the abusive marriage you are strong enough to move forward. Count on that & give yourself more credit as you move forward.
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