Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 114 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
ok, here is my story, My wife and I have been married for 15 years and I was faithful for the first 13. Then she just became disinterested in sex. We had talked about having a child but even when the "time was right" she wasn't really into it. I am in great shape and I recieved "the look" from women all the time. I decided to take someone up on the offer and since I have been having the best sex of my life with my girlfriend. So All my needs are being met, I have mind blowing sex with my girlfriend and dinner ready for me at home with the wife. Well, in one of our brief encounters, my wife and I concieved a child. It was very unexpected. So now I have a dilemma, my girlfriend wants me more and more and I fear if I tell her my wife is pregnant, she will force herself not to call me any more. Honestly, My girlfriend is what makes my life with my wife bearable. My relationship with my wife is so much more bearable now. Should I tell my girlfriend my wife is pregnant? Can I just provide for my wife and child and keep the worlds separate? I want a family but I don't want to give up the most incredible sexual relationship I have ever known!

-klop
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,621 Posts
Sorry, didn’t understand that last post. Could you be a little more egotistical, self centered and shallow?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
123 Posts
Sorry, didn’t understand that last post. Could you be a little more egotistical, self centered and shallow?
Took the words right out of my mouth! Your wife AND girlfriend should dump your booty
 
  • Like
Reactions: Waits4Mr.Right

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,707 Posts
klop ~ When playing with fire you will get burned sooner or later. What happens if your wife wants a divorce from you and take half of everything plus child support and child care?

How will your GF act when she finds out? The best thing to happen is she is only mad at you, what happens IF she confronts your wife?

I think she will be less upset to hear it from you but what was she thinking being with a married man thinking you were not burning the candle at both ends.

Also at some point they will check your wife for VD before the birth so if messing around has given you a bit extra then she might find out from that.

I don't know that you can keep both things together. Frankly, I think you should read all the posts on this forum to see what emotional, mental and physical harm cheating has done to many wives and husbands.

draconis
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
klop ~ When playing with fire you will get burned sooner or later. What happens if your wife wants a divorce from you and take half of everything plus child support and child care?

How will your GF act when she finds out? The best thing to happen is she is only mad at you, what happens IF she confronts your wife?

I think she will be less upset to hear it from you but what was she thinking being with a married man thinking you were not burning the candle at both ends.

Also at some point they will check your wife for VD before the birth so if messing around has given you a bit extra then she might find out from that.

I don't know that you can keep both things together. Frankly, I think you should read all the posts on this forum to see what emotional, mental and physical harm cheating has done to many wives and husbands.

draconis

Thanks Draconis, You always give great advice. I have only been with my wife and my gf in the last 15 years. I always use a condom with the girlfriend. I think it is the only respectful thing to do for my wife. And even if my wife were to discover my relationship, she would not leave me. I am a good husband, I have just be withheld sex for too long. I know an adulterous relationship is devestating to everyone involved, but how can the other women in this forum expect a man to stay and be faithful if she does not provide sex, for any reason over a long period of time? Sexual relations are a natural function of life. If it is no longer availible, yet the man still wants to provide for his wife, how can she complain about what the husband does to satify this natural function of life?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
123 Posts
HELLO...ok, I wont jump on your so I'll use an example. IF my husband was to have a "GF" and I found out, I'd leave him in the dust. I wouldn't say a word, nor would I even look at him. I'd calmly pick up my purse and keys, drive to the courthouse, file for divorce, and never look back. No matter WHAT is wrong in a marriage, cheating is not justifiable! And I'm sorry, cheating to me does not make ANYONE a good spouse! That makes them LOW in my book! I HATE cheaters, and I'll say that and hope to not get into trouble! But I do! Marriage vows are words of a GAME today and alot of people are playing it. In the end they will LOSE, and I'm just glad I won't be apart of that. Have you considered BEFORE you went off and found a "girlfriend" that your wife may be having emotional problems or something going on herself and all you saw was "she just wasn't intrested"???? Ahh, I may have to stay out of this thread cause it pisses me the hell off!!! PSSh how can other women in this forum expect a man to stay faithful if she doesn't provide sex??? its called SELF-CONTROL!!!!! You'd never survive the Military Life...do you honestly think that having to go 7months or more w.o sex with my husband because he's away would cause me to cheat...??? NO....him?? NO!!! Its called RESPECTING each other, and finding out what is wrong. If its because she doesn't want you(insert opinion here) then leave! Obviously its not working! I say be honest with them both. Its the least they both deserve from someone who has been two-timing...*shrugs* just my Honest Opinion
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13 Posts
Just take this from a guy who has had the "permissions" and the opportunity.

End them both. You cannot be happy with your wife, and you are not gonna be happy with the girl if you leave you wife for her. You obviously want something that you cannot get with just one of the two, so go find the woman who will fulfill all your needs, not just half of them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
21 Posts
Something must have been going on in your marriage for your wife to get pregnant. I doubt this is another Immaculate Conception. Come on, let’s get real. While you are with your girlfriend, you are not emotionally available for your wife. The true crime isn’t that you were poinking someone else, but that you have wasted precious time in your wife’s life. Have some integrity and be a man. Be honest and let your wife find someone that will treasure and love her the way she deserves. You cannot justify hurting another human for your own pleasure; and now, it isn’t just one other person, you are now hurting an innocent baby. You and your girlfriend sound like “two peas in a pod”, you both deserve each other. Your wife and your unborn child deserve honesty and respect.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,621 Posts
Klop

Rationalize this all you want but you are not a good husband. And you are not being “respectful” to your wife by wearing a condom when you stick your penis in another woman. Kudos to saradale24. Self control is a wonderful trait in a spouse. Too bad for your wife that you are so lacking in that area. That your wife has lost interest in sex with you is a shame but to most reading your thread we can pretty easily guess her reasons.
 
  • Like
Reactions: GrannyMildew

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Under no circumstances is cheating acceptable believe me. You might not think it will harm the kid but if u do tell your wife she is going to be so stressed out u better hope she doesnt lose the baby. I hope your wife kicks ya to thr kerb or atleast give a few good punches into you cause that is slack going behind ur wifes back and having sexual intercourse mInd you sexual intercourse is love making with someone YOU LOVE.

Do you even LOVE ur girlfriend or wife if so, BE A MAN and not [email protected]%K ur wife around cause thats what i think your scared of her finding someone better to look after her and the baby. There are plenty of fish out in the sea and im sure she would rather know now then get more years of marriage and missing out on a life she could have with someone who respects and loves her fully who isnt gonna stick their **** into another woman.
Sorry if that was a bit harsh but matey U need to look at everything in your life UR betraying the one who has the most trust in you. And it doesnt matter if u have only slept with ur wife and gf who knows ur gf could have an std IM sure enough U havent had ur gf tested for diseases before getting involved with her. Do your wife a favor tell her wat a scum bag u have been and get a std test. I believe other people when they says u and ur gf suit each other cause she is as scum as you for getting involved with a married man.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
28 Posts
Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Is this even a question? Please tell me this is a joke of some sort.

Dump your girlfriend. Come clean to your wife. If she wants a divorce, give her one. If she wants to work it out, you are the luckiest man alive - and you are in the doghouse for a long, long time.

That said, there are probably some things that your wife can do to help you rekindle the interest and fidelity, but the onus is on you Klop. You messed this up, you'd better fix it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
270 Posts
This issue seems to be almost the only issue plaguing our American marriages today, except for the occasional addiction. I found this on Wikipedia:

Benefits of polygamy

"Philip Kilbride, an American anthropologist, in his book, Plural Marriage for our Time, proposes polygamy as a solution to some of the ills of the American society at large. He argues that plural marriage may serve as a potential alternative for divorce in many cases in order to obviate the damaging impact of divorce on many children. He maintains that many divorces are caused by the rampant extramarital affairs in the American society. According to Kilbride, ending an extramarital affair in a polygamous marriage, rather than in a divorce, is better for the children, "Children would be better served if family augmentation rather than only separation and dissolution were seen as options." Moreover, he suggests that other groups will also benefit from plural marriage such as: elderly women who face a chronic shortage of men.[4]"

Maybe there is something to be said for those religions where the man marries more than one woman. Of course it may need some revisions as some of us women out there would need to marry more than one man to suit our needs, lol.

I agree, this post is quite socially disagreeable, as proven by everyone's reactions, I guess I just have an open mind and can see his point.... The sex is great, the relationship is great, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. eh, just thinking out loud.

But on the flipside, just to throw it out there... are you sure the baby is yours????? Maybe she was out gettin her groove on too!!

I'm sure I've offended about everyone that's read this, I'm just offering another point of view. Fire away. :ezpi_wink1:
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,707 Posts
I am not here to judge anyone on the forum. In my eyes being unfaithful is wrong, but that is the choice I believe. I would like to understand what your wife thinks or you believe your wife thinks makes you a good husband? Is it that you provide for her etc.

Beyond that, you will live your life. Do I think sex can improve a relationship? Yes. Do I think sex is needed? Of course not, people live without it all the time.

Something else I might ask since you believe you are a good husband are you going to be there for your child? They have many emotional needs and will want to see you as much as possible.

draconis
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
124 Posts
May I say one word in all this drama about your baby? You sounded sad when you said that you and your wife had never had a baby. Were you speaking in the abstract? Now your wife is pregnant, it's real now. Take your pick. Your girlfriend or your baby. Take your choice and live with it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
82 Posts
Klop, I am not going to be angry with you and curse you, all I am going say, there may be an area in your wive's life that you are not fulfilling, it maybe even sexual, perhaps you are not doing it the way she appreciates. Just suppose she goes behind your back and has an affair to keep her happy and tolerate living with you, since you are a good husband otherwise. How would you feel?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Thanks Draconis, You always give great advice. I have only been with my wife and my gf in the last 15 years. I always use a condom with the girlfriend. I think it is the only respectful thing to do for my wife. And even if my wife were to discover my relationship, she would not leave me. I am a good husband, I have just be withheld sex for too long. I know an adulterous relationship is devestating to everyone involved, but how can the other women in this forum expect a man to stay and be faithful if she does not provide sex, for any reason over a long period of time? Sexual relations are a natural function of life. If it is no longer availible, yet the man still wants to provide for his wife, how can she complain about what the husband does to satify this natural function of life?
How can one person have such an ego. "Even if my wife were to discover my relationship, she would not leave me. I am a good husband..." How in the h*** can you consider yourself a good husband? That's like saying a lawyer that loses cases is a good lawyer. A good husband would have talked to his wife about his sexual needs and if they still weren't being met, he would have jacked off in the shower or to a porn. Seriously, get over yourself. Perhaps, your wife has needs that you are not fulfilling. Maybe she thinks you suck in bed, and that's why she isn't interested in having sex. Personally, I think that men like you are the scum of the earth, and are why many woman turn gay and/or man haters. I think that you should tell your girlfriend that your wife is pregnant, and you should tell your wife that you have a girlfriend. If you want to do that child any favors at all, you will leave the girlfriend. Would you be proud of a child that was cheating on their spouse? It's not just about your needs anymore; you are going to be a parent and role model. Lord help the child that you are a role model for. Grow some balls and tell both of them about the other. That's what a REAL man would do.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
151 Posts
You are going to have to choose one or the other, and be quick about it.

Then tell them both everything.

If your wife is having a baby, it's time for you to grow up and face your responsibilities, and it's also time you let the poor girl who is your girlfriend free to find a man who can love her, marry her, and take care of her in a loving relationship that she is entitled to be the only one in.

That's if you really want advice about what to do. Personally your posts just sound like boasting to me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
153 Posts
I would agree that you need to tell your wife. Then you need to seriously think about who you want to spend your life with. You need to either let one or both go.
 
1 - 20 of 114 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top