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Discussion Starter #1
Ive read conflicting things on this...some people say dont ever ever tell the inlaws if you are having problems in your marriage with their daughter, others say its a way to hedge against future problems. Me and the woman are having problems and her parents are like my own. I am really close to them. In the small chance that we split, I want to be the one to tell them about it and have a discussion with them since they have done so much for me. I guess my question is, should I say something now while it is rocky so that if crap does hit the fan Im not instantly the bad guy? Or is that opening a can of worms I dont want to open unless we are 100% ready to split?
 

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My opinion is it all depends on your relationship with the in-laws and also how your wife would feel. I think that if I was having relationship problems and went to my in-laws my husband would feel as if I went behind his back to talk to them about it. Perhaps all 4 of you talk about it at the same time so that no one feels left out? Maybe their experience could help your situation.
 

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I wouldn't

If there's some infidelity on your wife's part (and you have hard evidence and you do split) then I would definitely talk to them and give them the evidence

Always remember that she will ALWAYS be their daughter. You won't always be their son-in-law
 

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I agree with toffer. You may be getting along with them now, but oh how things will change should their daughter be faced with papers.
 

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I did over two years ago and most recently 6 months ago... too find out any reasons for her behavior.

Her Mom was on my side (after explanation)... explained for her when she was my wife's age it was hormones (she hated her husband) she was supposed to talk to my wife think she chickened out.

Also exposed my wife's EA to mom-in law later giving them the heads up...this may be it.

She knew there were issues just due to my wife's FB postings...not
typical married behavior. Even Father in law noticed.

They understand she has issues. Mom in law said my wife and I don't talk deep enough. I'm working on that.
She completely understands if I leave her of course she's hoping we work it out of course. We will still be friends even if my wife and I split.

Keeping the Father in law in the dark from my end. It would kill him....he sees me as his son. He'd probably be very upset with his daughter.

My wife meantime won't do anything outside herself to fix this...frustrating.

Should you? Depends. I did. I have zero regrets.

I don't see it as any betrayal...I let mom-in-law know what I did wrong and how I was being accountable for my past actions. I let her know I never did not love her daughter.

My wife should be glad I cared enough to find out about her background. I'm very close to her parents.
Mom-in-law said yep that's the way she is. Great roll-eyes.

Good luck she said to me praying for you two to work it out.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Yea I can see it from both ways. I am really close with her parents but like it has been said, she will always be their daughter and I wont always be their son in law. Thats why if papers ever do get served, I am thinking this is a way to preempt some potential animosity they may have towards me. Also they have been married for 32 years, so also maybe asking their advice? I dont know...
 

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I would be a great son-in-law but I wouldn't say anything ill about their daughter. If the marriage ends, they are going to be in her corner and that's the way it should be. They have already made their minds up about who and what you are. If you lay your marriage troubles out to her parents and then the marriage survives, you're going to have in-laws in your marital business from now on. If you have to talk to someone, talk to a counselor or a bartender, not folks you have to eat Thanksgiving Dinner with every year.
 

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If you do talk with them, by the very nature of the talk it will be of a critical nature, talking about your wife’s bad points. And behind her back. That’s a betrayal which will anger your wife. If that ever gets back to your wife how on earth you think it’s going to help your marriage is way beyond me.


Rather if you really want to help your marriage communicate to your in-laws the good points about your wife such that they get back to her.


And remember the last thing you want your in-laws to think of you is some sort of emotional burden they have to deal with.


Now it’s totally different if they’re perceptive people that know something’s wrong, want to help and ask you if anything’s up. If that happens then be straight with them and tell them.
 

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If you thought it would help and you wanted to ask them for money or babysitting or furniture or help around the house, then I think it could be a good idea. But one word to them about your wife would be betrayal of confidence imho.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
The last two posts are spot on and pretty much sum it up for me. I wont say anything to them unless crap hits the fan
 
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