You can't control what feelings may come. You may feel anger at times, or jealousy, or wonder if you can trust her. It may eat at your subconscious, too. Don't try to rugsweep it so easily.I do believe we live in the present and not the past, and I have no intention of ever discussing this affair ever again (unless it comes up in MC).
When I found out about the EA, and told her to end it, she refused, demanded separation and then moved into her own apartment. She had been not happy for years, I don’t love you anymore, blah, blah, blah. Ugh..
As you know now, she did this to take the affair to the next level (PA). and followed the cheaters playbook. Blaming her affair on her battle with depression doesn't fly with me personally because I've known MANT depressed individuals who didn't have affairs.
So, a few months ago the affair ended, she asked to reconcile, she wrote me the most heartfelt, apologetic and remorseful letters I have ever read. I wish I could post it on here. I believe she is genuine and it comes from the heart. She said the affair was over (I asked for proof..)
So the affair ended and THEN she wanted to come back? Since you've probably read alot here you probably know that unless SHE ended it to come back to you, you are PLAN B. She had her romp in the hay with another (younger) guy and now she wants the good life (financial, security) with you.
I won’t kid you, it’s very hard for me to open my heart again and trust her after all this. I thought our marriage was rock solid. In my mind, once someone walks out once, it is so much easier to walk out again the second time around.. It may take me years to fully trust her again. I have no intention of being the “affair” police, if this ever happens again, I told her I will file for divorce the next day without hesitation. I keep thinking she was just biding her time for years now, and that is such a painful thought to bear.
You seem to have it a bit together here. She should be doing EVERYTHING right now to get your forgivness. You'll probably spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder everytime something seems a bit "off". Do you really want to live that way?
I have offered for us to move to a new city get some more MC and start again, put the past aside and build a new relationship. We can’t stay in this small town with all the bad memories of what happened. I do believe we live in the present and not the past, and I have no intention of ever discussing this affair ever again (unless it comes up in MC).
This will be a mistake. You're going to need YEARS to heal and will probably have questions about the affair that you'll want answered.
I ask myself the eternal question we all do in this position, should we stay married and reconcile? Should we try and create a new relationship as they say? Have the sacred bonds of marriage been bent too far to repair them?
Have the sacred bonds of marriage been bent too far to repair them? Bent? First they were "bent" when she started talking to this guy. After she moved out and allowed him to have his way with her in every way and place,these bonds were DESTROYED. You no longer have the same marriage you had before. You need to let that marriage go because it is forever gone. You seem to be desperately holding on to what was. She is no longer the woman you married
You would need to buid a completely new marriage if you can and if you want to