[needsanswers]

Well to give a brief run down of our marriage so far....we have been married for 10+ years and we have both had affairs. They both occurred about the same time in our marriage which was about 2 years ago. I caught him and he had a pretty good idea I was having one and so I admitted my affair.
We use to see a MC but he refuses to go anymore. We have opposite schedules and he is on the road half the week.
After the affairs came to light we both talked about it and decided that we wanted our marriage and agreed to work on it. I have actually forgiven him but haven't forgotten.
he is a very very angry person normally and we have a had a lot of good times together in the past 2 years but he gets mean at times and becomes an A$$$$$$$. Then he is okay.
I try to talk to him to see what is going on. He says he can't stand our home because of my affair and that he has to see the OM and I don't have to see his OW so it is easier for me. He says he doesn't trust me and probably never will. I ask him if he loves me and I get w.e. in response. He refuses to talk to me in private about it like any adult would do.
I have agreed to move to another location and sell our house to see if that helps but I am afraid it won't. We have had two good weekends. But when I said I Love you to him I got in response okay....
my heart is broken. I feel like I am in linger and don't know what to do. I deserve to be loved. I am hoping for some ideas. Should I stay and see if things work out or should I leave... we have children in their teens...
that is an entire different issue.

 

[Toffer]

Go

All you two keep doing is hurting each other

Also he seems somewhat abusive and not really interested in working on the marriage

I think you already knew the answer to your own question before you even posted
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[Hope1964]

Yeah, marriage is a 2 person deal. Sounds like your husband has checked out.

 

[needsanswers]

But I love him and he is good at times. I honestly have to say he is nice more then mean. He tells me that because I kept the affair from him that I am a liar. It just drives me nuts that I have forgiven him and he seems to forgive me them months later has an a$$^%& attack.
I hope that this move is the answer to keep him at peace. I am just afraid to be a lone and the hurt?

 

[Toffer]

Sounds like he still has anxiety attacks about your affair. He has never gotten over it nor forgiven you even though you say that you've forgiven him for his affair.

He doesn't trust you and probably never will. It also sounds as if the two of you never received any type of marriage counseling about your affairs. What you did was to sweep it all under the rug and not really deal with it. This is why you are where you are now

My answer remains the same. Divorce before you hurt each other further. This is truly a toxic union