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So. maybe I'm in the wrong forum. I don't know, this is my first time here. I'm writing this as a last ditch effort to try to make some sense of my current situation.
My husband and I have been married for 5 years, together for 7, and known each other for almost 17yrs. He's truly one of my favorite people(sometimes).
During the course of our marriage I became unemployed and we decided that being a stay at home housewife would work for us. And honestly, for the most part it does. (except now I feel stuck in a mess)
Also, during the course of our marriage my husband and I have both been unbearable due to depression or anxiety issues. He was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder and currently takes quite a few meds to manage that.
However, those medications have caused his sex drive to wane. It took several months for me to coax him to go to a doctor to address this. And when he finally did, we found out he also has very low testosterone. I do not know the solution to this, yet, as this is a newer diagnosis.
So, while I have no desire to kick my husband while he's down, I also am really lacking hope. I want to be supportive and stay through everything. And honestly, that would be no problem if my husband didn't have anger issues.
And that's where the real problem is. He drinks beer every Friday with his medications. It's a hit or miss situation, sometimes good, often unbearable. He becomes mean to me. Calling me names, telling me he wishes I would die, etc.
Tonight I am sick and supposed to be resting, and he has forced me to leave the bedroom, or he says he'll go out and drive around drunk. When I try to stand up for myself and beg him not to speak to me that way it only gets worse. I get scared, and recoil to tears. (I'm in no way perfect, but I did not call him names or insult him. I did not even raise my voice. This is the typical scenario. Me being bullied, when I'm feeling down)
Then he typically forces me to apologize for causing the whole situation. I do, just to calm things down. But when do I get an apology for the mean words and threats? I told him very clearly tonight that I was very hurt, and that an apology would help. He told me to **** off, and kicked me out of bed. I am soooo sick too. I really want to rest. And the more I think about it, he often does this when I'm ill. Last time I had pneumonia a few years back he was really nasty to me while I was at my worst. Then all the crying makes all the sickness worse.
So, my mind says...Just pack your things and go.
And my mind then reminds me that I am dependent on this man for almost everything(my mistake, but how do I fix it now?)
Also, I wonder....maybe I need to just stick in here until he can get his medical issues worked out. I did vow in sickness and in health, good times, and bad. I am desperate to save things, and do the right thing. Problem is...I don't know what's right anymore.
Any help would be appreciate. Thanks!
My husband and I have been married for 5 years, together for 7, and known each other for almost 17yrs. He's truly one of my favorite people(sometimes).
During the course of our marriage I became unemployed and we decided that being a stay at home housewife would work for us. And honestly, for the most part it does. (except now I feel stuck in a mess)
Also, during the course of our marriage my husband and I have both been unbearable due to depression or anxiety issues. He was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder and currently takes quite a few meds to manage that.
However, those medications have caused his sex drive to wane. It took several months for me to coax him to go to a doctor to address this. And when he finally did, we found out he also has very low testosterone. I do not know the solution to this, yet, as this is a newer diagnosis.
So, while I have no desire to kick my husband while he's down, I also am really lacking hope. I want to be supportive and stay through everything. And honestly, that would be no problem if my husband didn't have anger issues.
And that's where the real problem is. He drinks beer every Friday with his medications. It's a hit or miss situation, sometimes good, often unbearable. He becomes mean to me. Calling me names, telling me he wishes I would die, etc.
Tonight I am sick and supposed to be resting, and he has forced me to leave the bedroom, or he says he'll go out and drive around drunk. When I try to stand up for myself and beg him not to speak to me that way it only gets worse. I get scared, and recoil to tears. (I'm in no way perfect, but I did not call him names or insult him. I did not even raise my voice. This is the typical scenario. Me being bullied, when I'm feeling down)
Then he typically forces me to apologize for causing the whole situation. I do, just to calm things down. But when do I get an apology for the mean words and threats? I told him very clearly tonight that I was very hurt, and that an apology would help. He told me to **** off, and kicked me out of bed. I am soooo sick too. I really want to rest. And the more I think about it, he often does this when I'm ill. Last time I had pneumonia a few years back he was really nasty to me while I was at my worst. Then all the crying makes all the sickness worse.
So, my mind says...Just pack your things and go.
And my mind then reminds me that I am dependent on this man for almost everything(my mistake, but how do I fix it now?)
Also, I wonder....maybe I need to just stick in here until he can get his medical issues worked out. I did vow in sickness and in health, good times, and bad. I am desperate to save things, and do the right thing. Problem is...I don't know what's right anymore.
Any help would be appreciate. Thanks!
