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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been with my partner for a total of 5 yrs we have been married for 1 and a half of those yrs.I have 4 children he has none.I have a 10 yr old daughter still living at home.For the most part my husband and daughter get along well,she call's him dad and has for about 4 and a half yrs,her bio dad is not allowed near her as there is a no contact order.Last week my husband and I had a big fight because out of anger he called my daughter a brat and told me she was childish we did not talk for 4 day's.when he did decide to talk to me he told me that my daughter would have to grow up and quit being so childish he did not know if he could continue staying in the marriage if my daughter continued her way's.He mentioned 2 things that really bothers him 1 he does not like me tucking her in bed at night he thinks that she is too old for that and 2 when I leave the house she will wave to me until she can no longer see me in sight,a few times my husband has dragged her away from the window and has left her very upset.There is alot of resentment and I am getting very stressed.I don't think my daughter and I should change our rituals to make our mariage harmonious expeccially when it is so petty.I am starting to wonder if I should even stay in the marriage or walk away.I can't even talk to him about it because he sticks to what he feels.Any suggestions or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated
 

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my daughter is eight and I tuck her in and run to her if she has a bad dream, I will do this until she doesn't ask for it anymore. He is being childish and frankly seems jealous of the bond the two of you share. That bond should be fostered, not torn apart.

draconis
 

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how does he treat your other three? Youor daughter is going through a rough time and I guess he does not know how to handle the situation.

I ahve a 10 year old daughter, I do not tuck her in and she could care less when we leave, but that is just her, she is a very weet little girl and everyone loves her. But If I were to yell at my children for making my house a mess she would end up balling, I always feel bad but part of life.

She still believes in Santa and the easter bunny, still believe the world is a nice place....I want her to hold onto that as long as possible.

Once they are not a kid, then it's lost forever, kids mature at their own pace. He should let her be tucked in and wave at the window as long as she wants.

I just don't get why people want their kids to grow up faster then their own mature rate, let them be kids.
 

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I can't for the life of me think why a grown adult should feel threatened by a little girl getting tucked in or waving. Something must be bugging your husband for him to be reacting so strangely to something that's innocent. If you intend the marriage to survive, I think you need to find out what that issue really is.
 

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Absolutely Green-Moo. I find the behavior bizarre also. Something else must be afoot.

Love your child and as long as they will let you tuck them in, do it. Those times are precious and should be savored. It won’t be long until she is a teen and would rather be texting on the phone instead of talking to you. Your husband committed to you and your kids years ago and your daughter has been molded by the influences of both of you. You need to, as a couple, discuss what it appropriate behavior for your daughter. Dragging her away from the window when you leave is not appropriate for your husband. You are in the right here not him. This is obviously a big issue for you as a couple and family. I would suggest family counseling. Good luck.
 

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My daughter is 12 and she goes to bed on her own but still every night asks me to stop in her room before I go to bed. I will do that until she asks me not to because I know how fast they grow up. His behavior sounds bizarre to me also. If he had just come into the picture recently I'd say maybe it's because he's not experienced with kids, but he's been there long enough to get a sense for what it's like to raise kids.
 

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Does she wave to him when he leaves the house? Does you ask him to do little specials things for her? Perhaps he's just jealous of the relationship you guys have.
 

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I'm a Dad of a 16 month old baby boy and I am still aloud to tuck him into his crib, lay him down whatever, he also does that waving at me from the widow till we can't see each other anymore.
I think I'll be crushed when I can't do that anymore. Your husband is tripping and you just need to set him straight. I don't think it should come to breaking up/divorce but I don't know it's your battle if you want it or not.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I want to thank those of you that replied to my post.I sat down with my husband on the weekend and had a conversation it was not pleasent and left me feeling very angry and hurt.We were in the process of the legalities of adoption so he could adopt my daughter and he told me to call the lawyer and put that on hold,I cried so hard it was like a big blow.I have made an appointment for us to see a marriage counseller he said he is willing to go but to tell you the truth I don't know if I can get back the feelings that I had for him.I feel like taking my daughter and running away.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I am trying so hard to stop the resentment and to feel the way I used to about my husband,all my thoughts are centered around leaving with my daughter.I don't like these feelings any more and I keep feeling like this is the end.We are going to counselling in a few day's I am really nervous about that I have never been to couples counselling and I am almost scared to be honest because I don't want anymore conflict but I know things have to come out in order to get any help.
 

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I can understand you being nervous, but from what you've shared here, he does seem to be unreasonable when it comes to your daughter. It will do him good to hear a 3rd party perspective on it, rather than mom's. Best of luck. I hope it works out for you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
This is a never ending battle that I don't know if I can over come and I am scared.I don't know the reasoning maybe it is because he said he did not want to adopt my daughter but now I am picking up on any little thing he saids about her and I am probably being petty and some of the things he said's she laughs at so maybe it is just me.Here are a few examples please give me your opinion as I don't want to seem like an oveer protective mother.

If my daughter is going to put something in the microwave she will ask me how long and he will say to her figure it out for yourself quit asking your mother how to do everything.

He made a comment today saying your daughter did this,I corrected him by saying who's daughter and then he will reply our daughter.

I have saved all of my daughter's teeth that have fallen out and she found them and put them in a nice little container and said I want to keep these forever and he replied like everything else you own.

There are so many other things that I just can't think of right now.Has any one ever been to couples counselling before I am getting worried and I really don't know what to expect.I have become very depressed lately and I find I can't wait until he goes to work in the morning and I enjoy being at work so I don't have to see him.My daughter is spending the day at home with him because I am at work.I went home for lunch and I asked if he was being nice to her and she kind of laughed and said yes which is making me think maybe I am making a mountain out of a mole hill.
 

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What about your other kids Trexy? You are talking about leaving with your daughter, but you have four kids?

I think your husband is maybe a little jealous, as all the kids are yours, not his and yours. Have you discussed having a baby together? Your daughter waves you to work, what about him? I know it's childish of him to be jealous of a kid, but men need attention too, and sometimes have feelings that might be considered childish. No different to women really.

Is it only your daughter there is this problem with? You don't say anything about his attitude to the others, or if he is adopting them too..

I also think you need to think carefully about what you are maybe doing yourself that might be making him over react in this way?

It takes a very brave man these days to take on a woman with 4 children, and he must love you very much.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I do have 4 kid's but only my daughter is living at home,my oldest works for my husband and he can be very critical of him also.We are a middle aged couple so we have no plans to have kids together,I can't and he never wanted kids and that was one of his comments when we were arguing he told me that he was warned about being with a woman who has kids.My husband and I separated about 4 yrs ago because he was not getting along with my eldest son so that is why it concerns me that we could get to that point again only this time over my daughter.I don't understand why he wants my daughter to grow up so fast she is only 10.He has pushed her away in the last couple of months and I don't understand why.
 

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:iagree:
With Dracs last post.

This guy sounds like a Jerk. Why did he marry you if he KNEW you had children, that Children are alot of hard work.


he is just selfish and self centered.

Do you happen to live in the Northeast? Being from NJ originally, reading some of your comments sounds like typical NY Metro Obnoxious sayings, or Boston Area, with the backhanded Comments.

No reason for your daughter to live like this, you either tell him to treat her as a 10 year old, or to get some Counseling.

Sounds like this is how he was treated as a youngster.
 

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I have a 10 year old myself. There IS a transition period here when the child is struggling to become independant but does not want to let go of babyhood.
It is NOT a bad thing to encourage independance. Doing for themselves will make them more self confident and self assured.
However, even the 10 year old needs some coddling now and again.

Of course I do not know the whole story. But when your child is asking for help - do you help or do you just do it for her?

I agree that your man is a little rough with his comments. But perhaps he sees you are having a hard time letting your girl grow up?

Don't give up the night time tuck-ins and extra hugs. Your daughter will still need those. Yeah - even as an adult it is awfully ncie to be tucked in.

But you both might benefit from playing games to encourage her independance and begin to take the first steps away from you. Its ok to help when she needs it. It is also OK to suggest she does read instructions for her self.

When my son is asking me how to do something - I say "hmm...that is usually on the box. Why dont you see if you can find it. If you can't let me know and we can read the instructions together."

In this way he has direction about what to do - but he also can take a step towards self sufficiency. That IS the goal of parenthood after all.

Why not compromize? You still tuck her in AND encourage her to do more for herself. I bet your man will lighten up when he sees you and your daugher are making a transition into her teenhood together.
 

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what does your son say about this guy?? what about your other 2 children, are they out of the house as well?

I still think he is a jerk.
 

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You are not being hard on yourself and in my opinion he should be glad that your daughter has that love for you and still needs and wants you in your life and is not out there plotting to kill her teacher like those 3rd graders or out having sex. You are so lucky to have a strong connection with her and that will pay off as she gets older. A trust now might help her come to you when times are hard as a teen so she doesn't find herself in trouble. That was the case with me and my mom. I don't get his reaction but please don't think you are overreacting to it. I hope things get better with professional help and he moves forward with the adoption. I think you should be proud of yourself for having a child who is that connected to you and I can only hope I can say the same when I daughter is that age.
 
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