Hey Everyone, I am new to this forum and hoping I can get some good insight and advice because I have just been so painfully lost lately, I am losing even who I am.
My "boyfriend" and I have been together for four years and broke up twice now through that time. We have a 2 year old daughter and we've all gone through a lot. When my boyfriend and I were younger (we dated before when we were much younger too) I had hurt him, I wasn't faithful to him. I made my mistakes and swore to change. Well we started doing a lot better and then we found out that I was pregnant. I was a completely devoted girlfriend to him going up and beyond. When our daughter was about 3 months old he left us for another woman. I begged and pleaded and got extremely depressed...it was ugly. Anyways, he didn't come back. We were broken up for 3-4 months, during this time he had sex with my 3 close friends, and was just in a party mode. Didn't seem to care about my daughter or I. Eventually when his world crumbled, he came back to me and I took him back. We've still had bumps in the road but since we've matured things were going okay.
We ended up breaking up again this year for 3 months and as of about 3 months ago he moved back in with us. He was treating me much better, but Im just not ready to be with him. I dont know if its the inconsistency, but hes been waiting for me to be his girlfriend again and it seems like im almost scared of comittment with him now. I keep thinking of this guy I was seeing when we were broken up. Sometimes Ill imagine sex with him, or think about it frequently. There wasnt even something particularly special with this man in the end and my mind is still racing over him. Almost like it wants anything else! I do love him very much, he can be a very good dad, and then at times Ill have to tell him to respond to her when shes talking to him, or ask him to spend time with her. We are young parents so I dont know if thats part of it. He makes me feel like Im crazy because of how confused I am. He always wants to have sex, I hardly want him to be near me. He wants to be with me, and I don't. I dont know why. I do love him, I see my future with him, and he has a great relationship with my family as I do with his. It does make a lot of sence together and of course worth trying for our family. Im sorry if this all seems really scattered. I don't want to drag out what each of us have done to one another, we both have hurt eachother and agreed to move past it. But maybe our actions are showing we really haven't? What should I do at this point? I want to feel the flame with him again and have our family work. but how do I get my mind thinking straight and focusing on us? I just keep battling, 50% of me wants that and the other 50% of me doesn't. Sometimes I feel like he brings out the worst in me, I get stressed out, angry, unmotivated, and am less of a happy person. When we were broken up this last time, I put a smile on my face just because it felt good feeling who I was again. Knowing what I was doing and that felt like it was the right thing. Now I dont have that feeling anymore. Do I stay, or do I go? If I stay, will my heart always be whispering out to me that it doesnt feel right and go find what does? Just cant take this confusion anymore its driving me insane and depressed again. I have to figure this out. Thanks everyone please ask any questions that I left out or that your mixed up on!
My "boyfriend" and I have been together for four years and broke up twice now through that time. We have a 2 year old daughter and we've all gone through a lot. When my boyfriend and I were younger (we dated before when we were much younger too) I had hurt him, I wasn't faithful to him. I made my mistakes and swore to change. Well we started doing a lot better and then we found out that I was pregnant. I was a completely devoted girlfriend to him going up and beyond. When our daughter was about 3 months old he left us for another woman. I begged and pleaded and got extremely depressed...it was ugly. Anyways, he didn't come back. We were broken up for 3-4 months, during this time he had sex with my 3 close friends, and was just in a party mode. Didn't seem to care about my daughter or I. Eventually when his world crumbled, he came back to me and I took him back. We've still had bumps in the road but since we've matured things were going okay.
We ended up breaking up again this year for 3 months and as of about 3 months ago he moved back in with us. He was treating me much better, but Im just not ready to be with him. I dont know if its the inconsistency, but hes been waiting for me to be his girlfriend again and it seems like im almost scared of comittment with him now. I keep thinking of this guy I was seeing when we were broken up. Sometimes Ill imagine sex with him, or think about it frequently. There wasnt even something particularly special with this man in the end and my mind is still racing over him. Almost like it wants anything else! I do love him very much, he can be a very good dad, and then at times Ill have to tell him to respond to her when shes talking to him, or ask him to spend time with her. We are young parents so I dont know if thats part of it. He makes me feel like Im crazy because of how confused I am. He always wants to have sex, I hardly want him to be near me. He wants to be with me, and I don't. I dont know why. I do love him, I see my future with him, and he has a great relationship with my family as I do with his. It does make a lot of sence together and of course worth trying for our family. Im sorry if this all seems really scattered. I don't want to drag out what each of us have done to one another, we both have hurt eachother and agreed to move past it. But maybe our actions are showing we really haven't? What should I do at this point? I want to feel the flame with him again and have our family work. but how do I get my mind thinking straight and focusing on us? I just keep battling, 50% of me wants that and the other 50% of me doesn't. Sometimes I feel like he brings out the worst in me, I get stressed out, angry, unmotivated, and am less of a happy person. When we were broken up this last time, I put a smile on my face just because it felt good feeling who I was again. Knowing what I was doing and that felt like it was the right thing. Now I dont have that feeling anymore. Do I stay, or do I go? If I stay, will my heart always be whispering out to me that it doesnt feel right and go find what does? Just cant take this confusion anymore its driving me insane and depressed again. I have to figure this out. Thanks everyone please ask any questions that I left out or that your mixed up on!