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We haven't had sex in months. I change our bed sheets every week and today I noticed what looked like semen stains on the mattress cover that was not there last week. I know if I ask him he'll deny knowing where it came from so there is no point in asking. I'm seriously considering installing a nanny cam in our bedroom so if there is anything going on while I'm at work I can catch him and he can't deny it. Then I can proceed with a divorce and not have to give up everything I've worked for all these years.
Does anyone know about nanny cams? I'll need night vision because our bedroom is dark all the time. Please don't tell me if I don't trust him I should leave, I know this. But I also know I have worked hard for what I have and I just don't see myself starting over especially when I am the innocent party. :(
 

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It sounds like it might be illegal. You should consider checking on that.

Besides that, what makes you think being able to prove he is having an affair would help you preserve anything in the event of a divorce? Would you be able to claim fault in your state? Another legal question. Do you have a prenup? More legal stuff.

A third consideration. If you have not had sex with him in over a week, are you sure he did not have an orgasm in his sleep? That is a very long time to go without an orgasm, and nocturnal emissions are actually pretty common in the case of sexual frustration.
 

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He has an affair with his 🤚 would you divorce him for that?
Women leave much more stains, usually. At least in my experience.

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Screw it, I will tell you regardless of what you said. If you don't trust him you should leave him. But the real problem it seems is not some nefarious stain that you think might be semen. It is that you have not had sex in six months. Which tell us that there are bigger issues afoot than a mere stain on a mattress pad. So my advice to you is to sit down and have a heart to heart with your H to try to resolve the issues. Then get some counseling if you are really interested in saving the marriage. So either crap or get off the pot.
 

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We haven't had sex in months. I change our bed sheets every week and today I noticed what looked like semen stains on the mattress cover that was not there last week. I know if I ask him he'll deny knowing where it came from so there is no point in asking. I'm seriously considering installing a nanny cam in our bedroom so if there is anything going on while I'm at work I can catch him and he can't deny it. Then I can proceed with a divorce and not have to give up everything I've worked for all these years.
Does anyone know about nanny cams? I'll need night vision because our bedroom is dark all the time. Please don't tell me if I don't trust him I should leave, I know this. But I also know I have worked hard for what I have and I just don't see myself starting over especially when I am the innocent party. :(
WTF? I'd be worried that, if he finds it before you catch him up to no good, he could use THAT as grounds for an at-fault divorce. Recording video in someone's bedroom is extreme. Couldn't you just use security camera footage of the entryway or something to establish whether someone else is there during the day?
 

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He claims he is in too much pain to perform, so he doesn't try and it I initiate, he refuses me.


Pain? Like what kind of pain, physically or emotionally?
The kind of pain that gay people have when they try to sleep with the opposite sex? Or has he had some kinds of injuries?


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No I wouldn't divorce him for masturbation, but I'd like to at least be invited to the party once in a while.


Could you maybe give some more info why he is refusing sex with you and what his ‘pain’ is? And why does he not have ‘pain’ when he has sex with the sheet?
Being rejected sexually sucks. I do have all the sympathy and hope you can get to the bottom whether his excuses are genuine.



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He's probably not having sex with you because, he has his man friend.

You really need to get tested for STD's

Hire a PI to follow him , but be careful secretly recording someone if you plan on using it in a divorce case because it could be illegal in your state.
 

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You need to check with an atty about recording him in the house. I expect it is completely legal unless it involves a phone call. Generally you cannot legally record a phone call unless at least one person is aware, and in many places all people on the call have to be aware of the recording.

However, anything you do record for solely your own information could remain secret. If you intend to use it in court then you need to coordinate with your lawyer. But if you just want to catch him having sex with someone else so that you know for sure, and then if you never let anybody know about the recording, I would do it.

There are clock radios with hidden cameras. There are even USB thumb drives with hidden cameras. You can find them for sale all over the internet.

A camera which covers the front door or kitchen might be better. If he has someone over they may not go to the bedroom.

Or you could just divorce him now. If the lawyer says there is no benefit to evidence of cheating, I wouldn't bother with the spying.
 

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Being rejected sexually sucks.
Yep. And a good many times those being rejected ultimately run into folks who don't reject them. I ain't one to judge them if they do.
 

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If you do use a home "burglar cam" in your bedroom, and your old man is just found coincidentally "doing the nasty" with somebody on it, then it can certainly be used as evidence against him!

But I'd also highly recommend that you place them discretely in several other select rooms of the home as well, like perhaps in the living room/den, kitchen/dining room, or various home entrance ways!
 

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Install the nanny cam and install a VAR in his car. Either way you will get answers quick smart. Best case scenario it is an affair with his hand!
 
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