I think, if you're willing to make that phone call to this guy's wife, then you also should be just as willing to leave your wife right now.Long story, so bear with me….
My wife and I have been married for 40 years. In year 9, I found out she was having an affair with a co-worker. I was told it lasted about 9 months, I demanded it be over and I also called the guy’s wife to let her in on their secret. They remained co-workers for the next 6 years and occasionally some suspicious things happened during that time, but she controlled the situation by convincing me I was just paranoid, time and time again. Later she resorted to occasional verbal abuse to try to make me back off of accusations.
All during this time, I was struggling with a business start-up and going to night school for a PhD to better provide for her and our two young kids. I felt like I was a good husband, lover and father. She was the love of my life, but apparently, something was lacking for her. FYI - Her lover was a health professional making 4x my annual, married with two young kids.
As time went on, I forgave her and tried to trust her, but deep down it took many years.
A few weeks ago, (31 years after I found out about the affair) we were traveling through our old town, which brought back the bad old memories. I haven’t spoken about the affair in over 20 years, but I decided to ask if she would tell me the truth about whether I was just over paranoid or what.. She proceeded to tell me it lasted a full 7 years, it was good orgasmic sex (I asked) and they were in love. She says she broke it off when we moved to another town and that she decided at that time she did not really love him. She confirmed that I was not going crazy, that I was not over paranoid and she was the evil, screwed up person and apologized over and over.
I am now 64, she is now 63 and we both recently retired. I love her, she loves me, I have made plenty of money that she is set up for life, it seems life should be all good, with the exception of digesting this new, very, very ugly news.
Here’s the problem -
The guy knew what he was doing. He worked her like a puppet and had her on a string for many years of booty calls, while he led a double life. My wife was maybe 120 pounds in the beginning of the affair and somehow kept getting access to prescription diet pills. I am convinced she was addicted, and he was feeding her the scripts. I have found his - and his wife’s contact info and I am considering jacking up his perfect little life by calling his wife and giving her the whole story. It really bothers me he thinks he got away with it. Any advice truly appreciated before I make that call.
I plan to post this in men’s and ladies lounge to get both perspectives.
At this point, you called the wife years ago, she is aware of the affair, did she leave him? No. So, in that regard, I don't think it will make a difference. I understand you're angry, and you have every right to be. BUT, your wife lived a double life, just as the OM did. Gandhi had a great saying and I think it applies here...'be the change you wish to see in the world'. You've got to clean up your own house before you can clean up another's house.