My wife had an affair 3 years ago. I found out about it in 2010 when I saw some texts in a secret email account to a young guy she new from golfing, but my wife convinced me it was an EA and that it was over. I believed her, thinking it was a MLC (my wife was 45 at the time, her abusive (to her Mom) Dad had just died and she was deathly afraid of aging). She promised NC, deleted her Gmail account, and deleted her facebook account - gave me her BB password (which I never used, but had). We tried reconciling, but there was always something distant about my wife - like she was hiding something. We never re-connected emotionally. Now, 3 years later we are separated and my wife finally admitted that it was actually a physical affair for the summer of 2009 ending Nov 2009, following the EA that began in 2008 (including texting sexual fantasies to each other). She admitted this 1 week after leaving our house.
The OM is now married and has a 1 year old child. In 2009, he cheated on his fiance with my wife (who is 13 years older than him) - he also had a girlfriend at the time of the EA and was just divorced from his first wife (leaving a 1 year old and a 3 year old).
My wife kept this secret and even her closest friends did not know about it. She poisoned our relationship protecting this secret and is now living the life of a single - dating mere days after leaving (still chasing guys 10 - 15 years younger). She knows she needs help and is in IC - but we are finished. It is like she had two personalities and the Wayward personality has now taken over. She is living in full fantasy mode. Needless to say, my kids (two) and I are having a hard time coping (my kids are coping better than me).
I know I should just let it go, but now that I know that this guy had a physical affair with my wife (while cheating on his ex wife at the beginning of the EA and then juggling a girlfriend, my wife, and his fiance towards the end). He would meet my wife in the BASEMENT of his grandfather's house - which is where he lived after splitting from his first wife. My wife was not even worth a hotel. It's pathetic to think about how my wife lowered herself and her self worth to that point and threw away a long-term marriage for a fantasy. It makes me sick.
At this point I do not see my wife and I reconciling. I can forgive the affair, but I cannot see forgiving the years of lying. I am dying to contact the OM and let him know what I think. I also found his Dad so would copy him as well. I know I shouldn't lower myself to do this, but it would be satisfying and might help me to bring closure to this. Right now, thinking of this guy, new baby - probably cheating on his new wife, using my wife for free golf and free sex is keeping me awake at night. My wife is responsible too, but I can't let go of the idea to contact this guy.
Should I?
The OM is now married and has a 1 year old child. In 2009, he cheated on his fiance with my wife (who is 13 years older than him) - he also had a girlfriend at the time of the EA and was just divorced from his first wife (leaving a 1 year old and a 3 year old).
My wife kept this secret and even her closest friends did not know about it. She poisoned our relationship protecting this secret and is now living the life of a single - dating mere days after leaving (still chasing guys 10 - 15 years younger). She knows she needs help and is in IC - but we are finished. It is like she had two personalities and the Wayward personality has now taken over. She is living in full fantasy mode. Needless to say, my kids (two) and I are having a hard time coping (my kids are coping better than me).
I know I should just let it go, but now that I know that this guy had a physical affair with my wife (while cheating on his ex wife at the beginning of the EA and then juggling a girlfriend, my wife, and his fiance towards the end). He would meet my wife in the BASEMENT of his grandfather's house - which is where he lived after splitting from his first wife. My wife was not even worth a hotel. It's pathetic to think about how my wife lowered herself and her self worth to that point and threw away a long-term marriage for a fantasy. It makes me sick.
At this point I do not see my wife and I reconciling. I can forgive the affair, but I cannot see forgiving the years of lying. I am dying to contact the OM and let him know what I think. I also found his Dad so would copy him as well. I know I shouldn't lower myself to do this, but it would be satisfying and might help me to bring closure to this. Right now, thinking of this guy, new baby - probably cheating on his new wife, using my wife for free golf and free sex is keeping me awake at night. My wife is responsible too, but I can't let go of the idea to contact this guy.
Should I?