[oldshirt]

sometimes I feel like we've moved forward and our relationship now is stronger on a more intimate and personal note so why continue to "punish" when someone is trying to move and grow from something

This isn’t about “punishing” you.

If you mistreated and humiliated and disrespected him, you are lucky he is still seeing you at all.

If getting with your friends and family means that people will be drinking and pecking at each other, then it’s not a matter of punishing you, it a matter of not wanting to be around you when you are acting like an arse and not wanting to be around your family if they are getting drunk and acting obnoxious.

Actions have consequences. You humiliate and mistreat someone, the consequence is they don’t want to be around you. That isn’t punishment. That is not wanting to subject yourself that kind of situation again.

You’re fortunate he didn’t outright dump your azz.

 

[shortbus]

I certainly would have.

 

[MJJEAN]

yes its exactly the situation. I keep telling myself to continue to respect him taking time. Its just how much time becomes too much where one should just walk away, if you get me. sometimes I feel like we've moved forward and our relationship now is stronger on a more intimate and personal note so why continue to "punish" when someone is trying to move and grow from something

You aren't being punished. You behaved badly and, as a consequence, he is not subjecting himself to a possible repeat. He may never feel comfortable around you when you're with those that enable, encourage, or simply bring out bad behavior in you. Some mistakes have permanent consequences.

Growing and changing take time. 3 months is a start, but most people wouldn't consider a few months enough time to show any change is permanent.

 

[FlaviusMaximus]

Did you ever apologize to him in front of those friends and family?

 

[LosingHim]

I think there’s way too much context missing here to form any kind of opinion. OK, you drank too much and embarrassed him. In what way? Did you take your clothes off and throw yourself at a man in front of him? Did you get behind the wheel of a car and hurt someone? Did you start a fight with him and slap him in the face? Publicly ridicule him or state he had a small pee pee?


Or did you drink too much and dance on a table. Did you drink too much and trip over something. Did you start a silly argument over your cat.

The first examples I could see there being some need of change and “consequences” so to speak, if he stayed with you at all. The second examples, I could see him saying “you need to get some help for drinking too much and we need to work through this” and drawing out the “punishment” for it could be pretty controlling.

In my opinion, there’s a world of difference that could have happened and without details, I can’t say what the answer would be.

 

[Nailhead]

Meh, 3 months, and even saying "you need to learn that your actions have consequences" seems awfully controlling, or at least no a healthy thing people say to an equal.

Really? It appears to be an observation and statement. Where is the controlling part conveyed in the statement, "you need to learn that your actions have consequences"?

 

[Nailhead]

I'm thinking the incident in question as depicted is covered in sugar coating.

 

[Tasorundo]

Really? It appears to be an observation and statement. Where is the controlling part conveyed in the statement, "you need to learn that your actions have consequences"?

That is something you say to a child, not an spouse.

 

[Nailhead]

That is something you say to a child, not an spouse.

That is fine but the statement is not controlling. BTW, the OP is married to this person. Dating for 3 months.

 

[Tasorundo]

That is fine but the statement is not controlling. BTW, the OP is married to this person. Dating for 3 months.

I am aware they are not married, saying that to someone at 3 months, is even more controlling. When will he decide she has served her sentence?

If someone one I was dating said that to me, goodbye.