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Hello my wife and I have been married for 15 years. We have dealt with infidelity in the past and worked through it. It took about 5 years of trickle truth for her to admit to a 2 year emotional affair with an ex who lived 1500 miles away It was mostly over the phone and computer but I'm pretty sure they met up once when she went away for a work conference. There were also 3 other guys who she admits to contacting on Facebook.old friends and guys she used to date she says. Says nothing physical happened just catching up but I dont see why the voluntary phone number exchange was necessary in all these cases.
Fast forward 5 years later to today. Life is good and were getting along great. Two great kids,nice house,sex life is back,went to marriage and family counseling at our church. She says she loves me and wants to rebuild our marriage. Total transparency and access to all cell phones,devices and passwords.
So were doing some renovations to our house and needed a contractor to do some plumbing work on our bathroom. Our friend who flips houses reccomend a guy who does good work at a reasonable price. He did the work as promised and all is well. The contractor is a good looking guy about our age 35 if I had to guess. So my wife is in the shower the other day and her phone is sitting on the coffee table. I notice she has a snapchat account. I open the app and notice the contractor is on her friends list. Not under his business's name but his personal name. I asked her how he got on there and she said she doesn't know. She follows his business on Facebook but I dont know how that would transfer to snapchat. One party would have to manually add the other on snapchat right? Also snapchat is known for being shady from what I've heard. Hopefully I'm just being paranoid but any input would be helpful thanks!
 

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Yes, you should be worried.

And the reason you should be worried is that your wife's past history indicates that she has a poor sense of boundaries. She also seems not to be worried about your feelings and about disrespecting you.

A history like that is a recipe for future disaster. Maybe with this contractor guy, maybe with someone else.
 

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I concur.

Yes, you should be worried.

5 years ago you found out she had the wanderlust.

She then pulled the wool over your eyes.

She did not change. She has not changed. She has been going behind your back all this time.

You say "We have dealt with infidelity in the past and worked through it". I would beg to differ. You never 'worked through it'. Instead you now 'live with it'.
 

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Beware...she is back at it again. Do not fool yourself. Her explanation is lame to say the least. I have racehorses and there is a thing called the racing form one uses to predict which horse will win the race using their past performances. Let’s say the form on your wife documents her past performance. Using the analogy of a racing form.....past performance is highly indicative of future results....hell yeas she is cheating.

Nip this **** in the bud now.
 

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I don’t know anything about Snapchat, but I do know your wife is cheating on you. You may not think she’s done anything physical, but she has. You didn’t work through anything - you let her get away with it.
 

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After stabbing you in the back many times over, does she really have any wiggle room for this bull ****?

Maybe she has a mental problem and needs professional help but your woman is loose in that she doesn't have healthy boundaries or much self control it would seem.
 

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She follows his business on Facebook but I dont know how that would transfer to snapchat. One party would have to manually add the other on snapchat right? Also snapchat is known for being shady from what I've heard. Hopefully I'm just being paranoid but any input would be helpful thanks!
I honestly don't say this to be mean or snarky, but are you really this naive?

How many times has this woman screwed you over? And every time you find out yet another unsavory little deed she's pulled (and lied to you claiming "none of them were ever physical") you just keep clinging to her like a stray dog desperate for a pat on the head. I honestly don't get it.

She has a freakin' Snapchat account you didn't even KNOW about. On TOP of that, the contractor just happens to be in her buddy list but the liar claims that she 'doesn't know how he got there.' Is that all she ever does is LIE?

I guess HER idea of your supposed 'total transparency' rule and yours are entirely two different things. Not surprised. It sounds like she's always got her fishing line out. You THINK you had 5 years of wedded bliss where she was being loyal but I'm willing to bet good money she just got lucky and you didn't catch her at anything until now. And even now, finding her Snapchat was purely due to dumb luck.

When are you going to see this woman for who she really is?
 

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Hi @Alex1469. Is your wife cheating on you? It is likely that she is.

What do you want to do? Any children?

The family counselling is like a vaccine. Sometimes, a vaccine doesn't work.

I think you need to keep silent and keep your eyes and ears open.
 

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If your wife met that EA guy in-person at a conference, it went physical.

No way a guy traveled to meet a woman he's been carrying on with virtually and doesn't get his **** wet.

I do not mean to offend either, but it appears to me that you are the type that does not want to dig and find.out the worst.

You need to dig. Say the word and I'll tell you how to get the information you need from her phone.
 

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Yes, you should be worried.

And the reason you should be worried is that your wife's past history indicates that she has a poor sense of boundaries. She also seems not to be worried about your feelings and about disrespecting you.

A history like that is a recipe for future disaster. Maybe with this contractor guy, maybe with someone else.
I agree.

OP, your wife is basically a serial cheater with no remorse. She knows exactly what she is doing.
 

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Isn’t the whole purpose of Snapchat to send messages that quickly and permanently disappear? To keep secrets? And she has the handsome contractor added? I bet he’s doing the plumbing all right.

This isn’t rocket science. You know what she’s doing.

Do you want to believe she is virtuous while looking away? Then stay away from her phone. She will put on a show for you and you can be happy with your marriage.

She’s either unable/unwilling to stop or believes that you will accept her behavior.
 

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How many times can she stray and you take her back before realizing this leopard will never change her spots?

DNA the kids just to make sure they are yours because that is spotty too!

Cheesh!!!
 

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How many times can she stray and you take her back before realizing this leopard will never change her spots?

DNA the kids just to make sure they are yours because that is spotty too!

Cheesh!!!
This plus....

Yes you should be worried, and you should have stayed worried 5 years ago.

Have you always been this naïve? Did you think it was OK 5 years ago for her to be screwing other men, at least one for sure, while married to you?

I mean, dude, are you kidding with this post? Why in the hell did you stay married to her in the first place?

Please WAKE UP...
 

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Hello my wife and I have been married for 15 years. We have dealt with infidelity in the past and worked through it. It took about 5 years of trickle truth for her to admit to a 2 year emotional affair with an ex who lived 1500 miles away It was mostly over the phone and computer but I'm pretty sure they met up once when she went away for a work conference. There were also 3 other guys who she admits to contacting on Facebook.old friends and guys she used to date she says. Says nothing physical happened just catching up but I dont see why the voluntary phone number exchange was necessary in all these cases.
Fast forward 5 years later to today. Life is good and were getting along great. Two great kids,nice house,sex life is back,went to marriage and family counseling at our church. She says she loves me and wants to rebuild our marriage. Total transparency and access to all cell phones,devices and passwords.
So were doing some renovations to our house and needed a contractor to do some plumbing work on our bathroom. Our friend who flips houses reccomend a guy who does good work at a reasonable price. He did the work as promised and all is well. The contractor is a good looking guy about our age 35 if I had to guess. So my wife is in the shower the other day and her phone is sitting on the coffee table. I notice she has a snapchat account. I open the app and notice the contractor is on her friends list. Not under his business's name but his personal name. I asked her how he got on there and she said she doesn't know. She follows his business on Facebook but I dont know how that would transfer to snapchat. One party would have to manually add the other on snapchat right? Also snapchat is known for being shady from what I've heard. Hopefully I'm just being paranoid but any input would be helpful thanks!
Yes sir, you should be worried. First, who follows a contractor on FB unless it is perhaps a friends business. Snapchat...known cheaters form of communication.

Sounds like some possible ego kibbles are being sought after.

Your W has a history...it appears to be repeating itself.
 

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I appreciate all the advice from everyone. Yes I realize who and what my wife is and what shes capable of. It was either leave and have some new man living in my house around my kids while giving her half my paycheck for the rest of my life or try to salvage the marriage for the good of the family. I'm not being naive,I know what I'm dealing with.
She really had me convinced that she was devoted to change and to fixing the marriage. I decided to close the book on the past for my own sanity. She will only admit to the bare minimum of what I can prove so of course theres much more I dont know about. Basically theres no point in beating a dead horse was my logic and I cant have fighting and arguing around the kids.
I'll admit I'm behind the times when it comes to all these new social media sites and apps so I was mostly looking for people who are knowledgable about snapchat and how it works and if her explanation is legit. She claims she never used the account was just playing around with the pic filter. Theres some pics of her and the kids on the account nothing bad just pictures of them with funny faces and hair styles ect. Nothing sexy or provocative from what I can see. Snapchat has a bad reputation for cheaters apparently and I'm not liking her friends list excuse because one would have to manually look up and add a friend. She says it automatically added him because she follows his business on Facebook but snapchat is not integrated with other social media platforms and it was his personal snapchat account not a business account like his Facebook is.
 

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You better start digging and get a GPS tracker on her car . And really dig in on her phone . Does she do girls night out . Or going out with friends . You better wake up and put on your investigator hat . Put a tracker on her car and phone right now .

She is cheating
 

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I'll admit I'm behind the times when it comes to all these new social media sites and apps so I was mostly looking for people who are knowledgable about snapchat and how it works and if her explanation is legit. She claims she never used the account was just playing around with the pic filter. Theres some pics of her and the kids on the account nothing bad just pictures of them with funny faces and hair styles ect. Nothing sexy or provocative from what I can see. Snapchat has a bad reputation for cheaters apparently and I'm not liking her friends list excuse because one would have to manually look up and add a friend. She says it automatically added him because she follows his business on Facebook but snapchat is not integrated with other social media platforms and it was his personal snapchat account not a business account like his Facebook is.
Your WW most definitely added the contractor on Snapchat. Your WW has lied once again. Seems the church counseling is for naught. Vows apparently meaningless. You want to do what exactly? Stay in the marriage as the warden? What real consequences has your WW experiences from her first infidelities?
 

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I appreciate all the advice from everyone. Yes I realize who and what my wife is and what shes capable of. It was either leave and have some new man living in my house around my kids while giving her half my paycheck for the rest of my life or try to salvage the marriage for the good of the family. I'm not being naive,I know what I'm dealing with.
She really had me convinced that she was devoted to change and to fixing the marriage. I decided to close the book on the past for my own sanity. She will only admit to the bare minimum of what I can prove so of course theres much more I dont know about. Basically theres no point in beating a dead horse was my logic and I cant have fighting and arguing around the kids.
I'll admit I'm behind the times when it comes to all these new social media sites and apps so I was mostly looking for people who are knowledgable about snapchat and how it works and if her explanation is legit. She claims she never used the account was just playing around with the pic filter. Theres some pics of her and the kids on the account nothing bad just pictures of them with funny faces and hair styles ect. Nothing sexy or provocative from what I can see. Snapchat has a bad reputation for cheaters apparently and I'm not liking her friends list excuse because one would have to manually look up and add a friend. She says it automatically added him because she follows his business on Facebook but snapchat is not integrated with other social media platforms and it was his personal snapchat account not a business account like his Facebook is.
You are not naive, but you are staying with her for the wrong reasons. Are the kids all yours and did you DNA them to be certain that they are? You love them for sure and you are sacrificing a lot for them. Please make sure they are legitimately yours. Your wife is a loosey goosey and it is very probable that you are not the only one who could impregnate her.

Sorry man for picking so dang wrong. You sure did pick a bad woman for a wife. She ain't marriage material for sure. She won't be earning mother of the year award any time soon either. I'm glad your kids have you.

If she can't be faithful, you should reach an agreement with her that allows you to seek pleasure in others too. You shouldn't be the only one getting the short end of the stick here. What will happen when she decides one of these men is a better option for her than you?

Be prepared for that monkey wrench!
 
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