[ABHale]

I understand that.
Her issue is being secure when she gets older, when her husband holds all the financial cards.
She's looking for assurance that she won't end up like her mom.
In my opinion, it would be best to give her that assurance by allowing her that bank account.
If the marriage went south, it would be counted asset so it's awash in that respect.

She is going to end up like her mom doing what she is. She is destroying her marriage by destroying OP’s trust in her.

He has given her access to everything, yet she is the one with an account with her own name on it? I would kind of understand if it was money she was earning from her own job. It is money that she is pulling from a joint account. Now she wants money from the investment as well.

Sounds like a go fund. When she is ready to leave, she is gone.

 

[ABHale]

Nobody is a villain here.
The wife just sees what happened to her mom and is concerned about it happening to her.
If I was married to a woman, who controlled all the finances and this happened to her parent and her father was left with nothing, I'd be wondering what could happen to me as well.

OP doesn’t control all the finances, she has access to all of it.

If she was worried about this then she should’ve talked with OP about it.

 

[ABHale]

I don't think money is actually the issue for either of them.

He obviously isn't comfortable if he isn't in charge of the money, the business and her life. He wants to be in control. Maybe he thinks if she had the means she'd leave.

She is obviously realizing that she has no money of her own. It is probably the parents divorce that has triggered her. But face it he wants to be in charge. Maybe she's tired of the control.

He wants her to do the house stuff or work for his company.

Maybe this could be solved by allowing a separate account and giving her monthly deposits as her salary for working for the company or being the beck and call girl for the kids.

And it doesn't matter how much 10% is it is still 10%. which isn't much.

OP I suggest you look at some of the more famous money people sites like suzy orman or dave ramsey.
While earning 10% is great money isn't useful if it doesn't make your happy and feel secure. Besides who says hers would simply sit there. She can invest it as well.

You never really answered if you have a tendency to put all your eggs in one basket like your business or flipping property. When bubbles pop that can cause problems.

But as Jonty pointed out. As long as you keep track of the money put in the account it really shouldn't matter in a divorce that would be taken into account. So what is your real worry about her having her own account. You are worried she'll gain independence from you.

I want to point out that I'm in a marriage of 28 years that has had combined finances from the beginning. I've made some choice for my family and for myself that means I make less than my husband. I am the money person. I made financial decision based on OUR family and OUR retirement. But my parent divorced around the 20 year mark and his around 24 mark. So even though we have an amazing marriage I started feeling antsy. I got nervous. I pointed out to him one day that if we got divorced I'd get screwed because I had him put the majority of money in 401k due to his employer matching. He also has a pension which I don't have. Had I been planning separate retirements I would have put more in mine. But due to matching and gains I had him do much more. He now has 2:1 as a ratio plus a pension. What's my point. Despite our good marriage, despite this is due to my planning when I let him know that rationally or irrationally it made me uneasy, he said, ' so let's start putting more in your accounts'.

He understood it isn't about me leaving it's about me feeling safe.

If you wife is going to leave, she is going to leave. But if she stays shouldn't you work on understanding how she maybe impacted by how you seem to have control of all the money. Yes she can spend but you could also change that anytime you want.

i have a good business that makes 6 figures. my wife helps me with the business and has access to all my bank accounts, a few years back she wanted her own bank account - so we opened her a bank account and she pulls what she wants when she wants from our joint account.
basically we have the business account which she has access to, we have a joint personal account, and then she has her own account.

He doesn’t say she controls the money. OP isn’t hiding or keeping her from the funds in the account. He was all for her having her account at the start. He is wondering why it went from their money to her needing her own account. An account that it sounds like she is stashing quite a bit of money in. If it was something she could keep track of her spending with is one thing, like gifts and things. That isn’t what this sounds like.

 

[ABHale]

Hey Nick, I suggest the two of you sit down and hash this out. Get to the bottom of why she is stashing all the money she is into the account. Ask her if she is planning on leaving you. If she says no, ask her why she is putting all the money she is into it. Tell her what it looks like to you.

Another thing, hire a PI to follower her around for a couple of weeks. You will know everything you need then.

 

[Rus47]

I understand that.
Her issue is being secure when she gets older, when her husband holds all the financial cards.
She's looking for assurance that she won't end up like her mom.
In my opinion, it would be best to give her that assurance by allowing her that bank account.
If the marriage went south, it would be counted asset so it's awash in that respect.

To be fair, in the US she needs no approval from anyone to open a bank account in her name. Just ID and a tax number. She could open an account without his knowledge and fund it by drawing from the joint account. If hubby objects surely daddy will fund the account for his little girl. But he won’t be happy about it.

 

[David60525]

i have a good business that makes 6 figures. my wife helps me with the business and has access to all my bank accounts, a few years back she wanted her own bank account - so we opened her a bank account and she pulls what she wants when she wants from our joint account.
basically we have the business account which she has access to, we have a joint personal account, and then she has her own account.

we work from home, can work from anywhere and have a very laid back business, we only work a few hours a day and really sometimes not even that in fact sometimes we dont work at all for days on end and our income remains.
really have a blessed life, our house is paid for in a good area, we have an amazing 7 year old girl, we go to the gym daily for hours (separate gyms), nothing is missing in our life thank god, no debt.

We have been married for 10 years.

we recently found ourselves in a position via an investment to make ALOT of money FAST, it is underway and seems its going to come through any day now.
My wife and i were speaking of what we will do with the money, spoke about real estate, moving and selling our home, all sounded great then she said she wants to take part of the money and put it aside for "FOR HERSALEF" i was shocked. she has accesses to every single dime and thing we own why would she want to "hide" anything away from me?

it seems to me she is getting ready to leave, that's what this sounds like anyway, why else would she want to put money "for herself" in some separate account i dont have access to.

really ticks me off she is creating this separation, of "mine and yours" in my eyes we are a team and own it all together. never was there anything she wanted she didn't get.
what are your thoughts? what other reasons would she want to put money aside for just herself?

You need to see A GOTTMAN CERTIFIED THERAPIST and both get couseling,She is feelling powerless and not gertring her emotional life needs met by you, home, family, and self. She needs to feel autonomous and secure. The way you handle money is a sore spot and a way to keep score. This is her way to get your attention. If she wanted to leave you would be on your butt with a restraining order to get you out then serve you papers. The way you handle it will be a testament to come through as a loving partner marriage or you get taken to the cleaners via family court.

Beshert- look it up.Soulmate, but this is the pivital point of real love. a marriage in a rebirth of the marriage. Its a love that lasts but requires change on both your parts. Understanding is key, And as a man, you need to let you wifer become a new woman like a butterfly via chrysralia phase.and really be interested in her. REALLY BE INTERESTED LIKE YOU FIRST DATED. wHEN THIS IS BUILT YOU will both be blessed with growth and intimacy and new resoect and love. Just don;t make any rash decisions. Like 6 months. don;tmake any. Both read books by Gottman PHD, and dr, laura's book Proper care and feeding of marriage. good luck

 

[Elise2022]

i have a good business that makes 6 figures. my wife helps me with the business and has access to all my bank accounts, a few years back she wanted her own bank account - so we opened her a bank account and she pulls what she wants when she wants from our joint account.
basically we have the business account which she has access to, we have a joint personal account, and then she has her own account.

we work from home, can work from anywhere and have a very laid back business, we only work a few hours a day and really sometimes not even that in fact sometimes we dont work at all for days on end and our income remains.
really have a blessed life, our house is paid for in a good area, we have an amazing 7 year old girl, we go to the gym daily for hours (separate gyms), nothing is missing in our life thank god, no debt.

We have been married for 10 years.

we recently found ourselves in a position via an investment to make ALOT of money FAST, it is underway and seems its going to come through any day now.
My wife and i were speaking of what we will do with the money, spoke about real estate, moving and selling our home, all sounded great then she said she wants to take part of the money and put it aside for "FOR HERSALEF" i was shocked. she has accesses to every single dime and thing we own why would she want to "hide" anything away from me?

it seems to me she is getting ready to leave, that's what this sounds like anyway, why else would she want to put money "for herself" in some separate account i dont have access to.

really ticks me off she is creating this separation, of "mine and yours" in my eyes we are a team and own it all together. never was there anything she wanted she didn't get.
what are your thoughts? what other reasons would she want to put money aside for just herself?

Money is a kind of security for most of people. From your story I don't think there's anything wrong with your wife. maybe she heard some cases from some stories from her family or friends, preparing some money as a fund when something emergency happen as no body know what will happen in the future.

You can also put some reserve money for yourself if you want. Don't take it too serious if you feel the relationship between you and wife is no problem.

 

[larrybogie68]

we used to go to the same gym, she needs a trainer, and her trainer moved to another gym so she also did.

as for the joint account.... i did ask her, of course. her parents are now undergoing an ugly divorce she doesn't want to end up like her mom who is left with nothing, her dad is suing her mom, and her uncle for giving her mom money for lawyers.... i dont think she gets it that we dont have any prenup and if we do separate, then she gets half anyway.

the main thing that bothers me here is she is being a huge BI** about it, im honestly thinking of ending this marriage over this, i see this as a separation and i want my family united. i dont know why buy i feel a family should be one unit. she wouldn't want me to be able to see what in her account and what she spends money on... very strange and i just dont trust her anymore.
[/ while you're figuring this out keep one eye on the trainer.......

 

[jsmart]

She could be thinking this is a form of divorce insurance. Wonder if there actually is such a thing.

Divorce Insurance? Isn’t that what the lopsided “family “ courts are for?

I’m with @Evinrude58 on his wife putting away money in a secret account just for her is very shady. Everyone here knows that if these two divorce, she’s going to walk away with a ton of cash and prizes.

 

[Ladyrare]

You can also put some reserve money for yourself if you want. Don't take it too serious if you feel the relationship between you and wife is no problem.

I agree. She also needs a money of her own, you know for emergencies and for her other necessities. Just do the same if you think it isn't fair with you.