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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I would appreciate any help with this. Its kind of a weird situation, so please excuse the background story.

My wife and I are currently trying to sell our house. Wife is not currently working, so when we have showing we typically go next door to our neighbors house.

My wife and I are both 29 years old and they are in their 50s, but they told us just to come hang out on their deck whenever we need to get out of the house and usually feed us beers.

Yesterday, my wife went over at 3 p.m. and started drinking with them. I showed up from work at about 7:30 p.m. and went back home to bed at around 10:30 p.m. - so did the neighbor's wife.

My wife and the neighbor stayed up drinking and talking until 1 a.m. (at least that what time I was told. My wife was sleeping on the couch when I woke up this morning).

To tell you the truth, I was mad this morning and told her I thought the situation was weird, especially since a lot of the conversation was between the two of them was about me, our relationship and discussion about future children (again ... this is what I was told).

These are not our family members or best friends, we have been over their house about 4 times in past 2 months.

I guess I am just trying to hear other opinions? Should I be upset? I would have no problem if my wife told me she was going out with friends for the evening and then came home around midnight, but this was a one-on-one late night bender with the guy next door.

By the way - wife does not think she did anything wrong.
 

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I guess it would depend on what exactly she was saying about you and your marriage. Your wife may simply look at this gentleman as a "father figure" of sorts. Someone who has been married a long time and can offer insight into how to keep marriages healthy, raising kids, etc. I had someone like this in my life and nothing, and I mean NOTHING, was going on between us. He was my psuedo-dad. It's very likely she would have stayed there and talked to the wife for that long. Who knows.

I would, however, be very upset if my spouse was talking badly about me or our marriage to ANYONE behind my back. So that's why I asked what exactly she said about you. Do you think she was venting?

If it were me I'd probably let this one go but always keep one eye open. Your wife's intentions may have been completely innocent but this neighbor might misinterpret her friendliness and then the situation can get weird. Hopefully once you move this will all come to a screeching halt anyway.

So, in my opinion (as it is right now based on this one and only incident) I would not be mad. And it doesn't necessarily mean you are insecure. You just like to keep your private life private and there is nothing wrong with that. That is something that is ok to be upset about.
 

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I wouldn't be too crazy about it either. More about drinking for 10 hours with a person you barely know and discussing your marriage with them.
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I don't see any problem yet. Maybe she was having fun talking and forgot about the time. But if this talking one on one till late night is starting to be frequent, then I can see there's a problem.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for the insight. The only thing that I really "overheard" was that she "didn't know how to tell me she was scared to have children in the future."

I havent really brought that up yet, but I don't know why she couldn't just tell me that.

My head is just kind of spinning because last time we were over there, my wife said the neighbor kept "looking at her chest." You can see how this would drive me crazy.
 

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Talk to her. One of your main complaints is she is not communicating with you - about being scared to have kids. so why aren't you communicating with her?

I wouldn't get mad, but do tell her that it mad you feel uncomfortable and ask her if she would come home with you next time, or at least when the wife goes to bed. Then ask her if she feels comfortable talking to you about her private issues.

Talk, talk, talk......
 

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10 hours session. Whats the guys wife to say about her old man sitting "chatting" and drinking with a 29 year old female until 1 am.

As got this points out, there are boundries and this is a line crossed if nothing else than was it really necessary?
 

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Hmm, the neighbor kept looking at her chest yet she stayed there with him. That couldn't have been too much of a problem for her. Of course he's looking at her chest; she's young and probably had it hanging out, and he's drunk. You wouldn't look at another woman's chest if you were drunk and it was there? This is why drinking alone with someone of the opposite sex who is not your spouse is a bad idea.
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Is this one isolated incident of concern, or are you frequently concerned about your wife's behavior with others? Is your marriage on solid footing? Are you susceptible to feeling insecure because you feel your marriage isn't as strong as it could be?

Put this event in the context of your whole relationship rather than trying to look at it in isolation.
 

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My head is just kind of spinning because last time we were over there, my wife said the neighbor kept "looking at her chest." You can see how this would drive me crazy.
I gotta laugh when stuff like this comes up after the I wouldn't worry about it comments. Grandpa ain't staying up til 1am for his health. Well hell Grandma might have gotten rocked that night :) No offense to my Graybeards out there.
 
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Is this one isolated incident of concern, or are you frequently concerned about your wife's behavior with others? Is your marriage on solid footing? Are you susceptible to feeling insecure because you feel your marriage isn't as strong as it could be?

Put this event in the context of your whole relationship rather than trying to look at it in isolation.
No, we dont have any other problems. I am not really concerned, but this just seemed really weird to me and I was kind of angry this morning when I approached her about it.

There has been 2-3 times in the past where she sees an old (male) friend at a bar or other social setting and goes to talk to them and leaves me for like two hours. I dont think she is cheating and I am in the same area during these events, but she kind of leaves me out to dry.

Yes - I have told her that maybe she can cut off the conversation a little earlier and come back, but it obviously didnt help. And yes, I have approached her during these times and try to join in, but the conversation drops and I get the "What do you need hunny"
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Just an update ... I got home from work today and the wife is next door again. Its been about 3 hours. I called to see if she wanted me to make something to eat or if we were going to do anything tonight and just said "I have no idea." This is after I calmly told her that I was uncomfortable with what happened the night before.
 

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Tell her you are taking her out to eat and come home WTH you have to nip this now.
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My husband would have a FIT if I did that. I wouldn't be real thrilled if he did that either. I don't think you're insecure. They're alone together drinking until the wee hours of the morning. It's not appropriate.
 

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Wife doesn't work? Husband comes home from work and 3 hours later there's no supper, no thoughts about supper, no welcome home, no nothing?
 

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My wife and the neighbor stayed up drinking and talking until 1 a.m. (at least that what time I was told. My wife was sleeping on the couch when I woke up this morning).

Pffft. Cheater 101 is to sleep on the couch so the husband doesn't know when you came home nor look too closely at your condition.

By the way - wife does not think she did anything wrong.
She won't think so until you impose meaningful consequences.
 
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