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Discussion Starter #1
Hello everyone. I am in need of some advice. I want to write this in as unbiased a way as possible so I can get accurate responses from everyone.

My wife and I have been married for 13 years and we have had a few rough spots but for the last year things have been better than ever. We have both agreed to this on several occasions. For the past few months, I guess I have been overly engrossed in playing a certain video game called League of Legends. It has been a great way for me to unwind after work and I would often play with my 10 year old son.

On nights I played, it was two or three 30-45 minutes games 4 or 5 days a week. I would play more games on a Saturday or Sunday. I am telling you this part because it is part of her reason for the situation we are in now.

A few months ago my wife got a job at a company and works with a bunch of guys. After a few months she decided to leave the job because she wasn't getting paid what she deserved, it was a really long commute and we have two young kids at home that were having a hard time with her schedule.

She got along really well with her boss who is a guy that is her age, married and has kids of his own. They really hit it off and my wife was totally open to me about it.

After she quit, they started talking more and would text each other a lot. It has been probably over a month since she quit working.

They txt each other all day long and will talk to each other during the day for an hour or so at a time. Again, he texts him in front of me and is in no way hiding it.

One day I ended up really upset about the situation and ended up staying awake all night long. The next morning I went to work and logged into our Verizon account and saw how much she was talking and texting this guy. It was literally from the time she got up to the time she went to bed.

I asked her if she ever deleted his messages and she said, Yes I did delete some cause I didn't want you to misconstrue them. It was all the conversations she had with him up unto the day I confronted her. A few day later she let me read the conversations after the initial delete and all and all they were harmless.

The thing is... she talks to him ALL The time. She says he makes her feel good and she became friends with him while I was zoned out in my video game and movies.

I can understand that to a degree, but I am totally feeling like a third wheel and like she and this guy have a secret thing going on that I am not allowed to be apart of.

THere is more I suppose... but I don't want to be toooooo overwhelming.

Thanks.
 

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Here is my opinion. You go to her in the calmest voice you have and have a discussion with her. You say that you are not comfortable with this relationship she has and that you want it to end. Most likely, she will say no at which point you are going to have to play hardball. In that situation I would tell her that she is cheating and if the old boss is so important to her that she is going to disrespect you and your family by continuing to cheat, then you tell her you will divorce her. You can't live in a situation like this. I would also call your cell phone company and have his numbers blocked to show her you mean business.

On another note, why did she quit her job? The most logical reason would be so that they can take the relationship physical without work issues.
 

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You have every right to be upset. A little jealousy is a healthy thing--It has gotten you to sit up and take notice to protect your marriage. What they are doing is inappropriate and excessive. If it's not an EA, it is headed in that direction. It obviously has already gotten a little personal for her to delete them and say she didn't want you to miscontrue them.

You should be making your wife feel good..not another man. I'd insist the texting stop immediately, and cut back on the game playing and take your wife out on a date. She needs YOU.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I sincerely don't believe she is cheating yet and I don't think she really intends to. What I am afraid of is that she falling for this guy and is being naive about it.

I really don't want to be the guy who says who she can an cannot be friends with. I tried to even say look, just don't talk to the guy at night.

She left the job because of the pay and the issue with our kids needing to get up at about 5:30am. She is still partially involved with the job in the sense that she is getting contract work for their website that "We" will work on together. The issue there... is that she is scheduling a Photography shoot for this Wednesday in with him. Typically, I would be the one doing the photos. But she says based on how I have been acting it would be really awkward if I even went.

Her big stance is that I am ruining our marriage because I do not trust her. This is so immensely frustrating... especially cause we just fought about this in front of our kids and out 10 year old is extremely upset.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
You have every right to be upset. A little jealousy is a healthy thing--It has gotten you to sit up and take notice to protect your marriage. What they are doing is inappropriate and excessive. If it's not an EA, it is headed in that direction. It obviously has already gotten a little personal for her to delete them and say she didn't want you to miscontrue them.

You should be making your wife feel good..not another man. I'd insist the texting stop immediately, and cut back on the game playing and take your wife out on a date. She needs YOU.
I did quit at least! I have not played in a week and don't intend to start. She still uses the last six months as an excuse to continue her communications. She says her friendship with him is not the problem, it is my trust issues.
 

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You have reason to be upset, i would actually retaliate a lot worse then you have if my partner was interracting with another woman in that manner. Its totally unacceptable but in saying that we dont have much trust for eachother.
 

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Your a grown man playing children's games while your wife is getting emotional attention from another man instead of you. You're right it does have something to do with your situation. She having an affair. What are you going to do about it? Watch? Tell her it ends, it's you or him. You'll need to demand no contact with him. Be ready for her to fight you on this. You need to be strong and willing to go to divorce. If you are weak and back down, you will lose. If you let her delay, it will get twice as hard when you confront her again. Who is this OM. What do you know about him? Is he married? Do you have his contact info? Have you confronted him?
 

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I sincerely don't believe she is cheating yet and I don't think she really intends to. What I am afraid of is that she falling for this guy and is being naive about it.

I really don't want to be the guy who says who she can an cannot be friends with. I tried to even say look, just don't talk to the guy at night.

She left the job because of the pay and the issue with our kids needing to get up at about 5:30am. She is still partially involved with the job in the sense that she is getting contract work for their website that "We" will work on together. The issue there... is that she is scheduling a Photography shoot for this Wednesday in with him. Typically, I would be the one doing the photos. But she says based on how I have been acting it would be really awkward if I even went.

Her big stance is that I am ruining our marriage because I do not trust her. This is so immensely frustrating... especially cause we just fought about this in front of our kids and out 10 year old is extremely upset.
She is cheating! You just don't know what's going on. She is in an emotional affair (EA). Look it up. You're being passive and your passivity is allowing her to cheat and destroying your marriage.

Read this book and site. Take the quiz, open your eyes!

Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"
 
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Discussion Starter #9
You have every right to be upset. A little jealousy is a healthy thing--It has gotten you to sit up and take notice to protect your marriage. What they are doing is inappropriate and excessive. If it's not an EA, it is headed in that direction. It obviously has already gotten a little personal for her to delete them and say she didn't want you to miscontrue them.

You should be making your wife feel good..not another man. I'd insist the texting stop immediately, and cut back on the game playing and take your wife out on a date. She needs YOU.
Your a grown man playing children's games while your wife is getting emotional attention from another man instead of you. You're right it does have something to do with your situation. She having an affair. What are you going to do about it? Watch? Tell her it ends, it's you or him. You'll need to demand no contact with him. Be ready for her to fight you on this. You need to be strong and willing to go to divorce. If you are weak and back down, you will lose. If you let her delay, it will get twice as hard when you confront her again. Who is this OM. What do you know about him? Is he married? Do you have his contact info? Have you confronted him?
He is married. I have his phone number. She says she is "Counselling him" Actually the messages she said she delete were because he asked her how he can get his wife to have sex with him. She even tried to get us all to meed this weekend but he said he couldn't fit it into his schedule... and my wife and I talked and decided that he didn't want his wife to meet her and he didn't want to really meet me.
 

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He is married. I have his phone number. She says she is "Counselling him" Actually the messages she said she delete were because he asked her how he can get his wife to have sex with him. She even tried to get us all to meed this weekend but he said he couldn't fit it into his schedule... and my wife and I talked and decided that he didn't want his wife to meet her and he didn't want to really meet me.
She's gas lighting you. That's bs. Of course he doesn't want you to meet his wife. Call his wife see if she knows how much interaction her husband is having with your wife. Tell his wife to check the phone records. Do what middleman told you, block his number.
 

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If she isn't a legit counselor with him as her client/patient, the only thing she's counseling him about is how to be a good affair partner.

You need to object big time. Gather evidence and expose this to everyone. Give her one chance at an ultimatum -- complete no contact forever w OM plus MC or divorce. Follow through. The only way to drag her out if the fog is to make her bump into a reality wall.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
One thing I need to say... is our physical relationship up until this last fight tonight has been really good. Actually better than normal.
 

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Ugh I was kind of hoping to get a someone with her point of view... I told my 10 year old tonight that I promised, no matter what it took we would all stay together... :(
 

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She's gas lighting you. That's bs. Of course he doesn't want you to meet his wife. Call his wife see if she knows how much interaction her husband is having with your wife. Tell his wife to check the phone records. Do what middleman told you, block his number.
I dont know his wife nor do I have her contact information. I only know his cell phone number and his work number.
 

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Ugh I was kind of hoping to get a someone with her point of view... I told my 10 year old tonight that I promised, no matter what it took we would all stay together... :(
If you wife is so open about it. It wouldn't hurt to speak to the OM's wife and find out if she agrees too. No?

Go to the link I gave you. Take the quiz. Even better get her to take the quiz, she could prove herself one way or another.
 
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I dont know his wife nor do I have her contact information. I only know his cell phone number and his work number.
Pu your PI hat on. Google his name, do a people search, find his FB or linkedin page.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
If you wife is so open about it. It wouldn't hurt to speak to the OM's wife and find out if she agrees too. No?

Go to the link I gave you. Take the quiz. Even better get her to take the quiz, she could prove herself one way or another.
I think she will deny most of the questions. And she did let me read the last few days of messages and they were normal back and forth banter... she could have deleted some to make it seem that way I suppose and of course I have no clue what all they talked about on the phone.

There was one place when she asked when they were going to meet (which she says was for the photo shoot - she showed this to me willingly, I did not demand to read her txt messages.)

The other thing that bothered me is she at one point says, "BFF For ever and ever"
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Pu your PI hat on. Google his name, do a people search, find his FB or linkedin page.
I have a background in internet marketing... this guy has a linkedin page... but it is bare...

Not to mention is me making her end this relationship going to ruin our marriage anyhow? Won't she resent the fact that I forced her to do this?

I was really hoping she would end it on her own once she knew how hurt I was over the situation.
 

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She's controlling you because she knows you have a fear of her leaving you. That's exactly what she is using against you.

You're being awfully passive and fearful about this. You better take a firm stand. You're waiting to act and watching your marriage spin down the toilet. She is already leaving you behind and giving him her attentions. You just don't know it yet. How much worse can that be.

I know it sounds counter intuitive but you have to be willing to lose her, to have a chance to get her back. Right now she see's you as weak and not able to do anything about it.

Have you spoken to him? Have you asked him if his wife knows how much he's interacting with your wife?

Check the link and understand the subject. Gather as much info on him as you can get. Find his wife's contact, you have their names and address. Think it over, decide what you want to happen.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
She's controlling you because she knows you have a fear of her leaving you. That's exactly what she is using against you.

You're being awfully passive and fearful about this. You better take a firm stand. You're waiting to act and watching your marriage spin down the toilet. She is already leaving you behind and giving him her attentions. You just don't know it yet. How much worse can that be.

I know it sounds counter intuitive but you have to be willing to lose her, to have a chance to get her back. Right now she see's you as weak and not able to do anything about it.

Have you spoken to him? Have you asked him if his wife knows how much he's interacting with your wife?

Check the link and understand the subject. Gather as much info on him as you can get. Find his wife's contact, you have their names and address. Think it over, decide what you want to happen.
I just sent the link to her and an article from MSNBC about having an emotional affair. I am tempted to send him a text message or call him. Have no idea where he lives or what his wife's name is. I could play it cool and get her to tell me.

The funny thing is, when I told her tonight I didn't understand why she was taking the photographs she got upset and was like fine, I will end our friendship I said fine. Do that. She started jumping up and down like a tantrum... Ugh.

I have to look soooo naive. I am not in denial... Honest.
 
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