[notsocool]

I don't know what I imagined, but not this..!
H and I have been together 2yrs. I have never seen his ex tho she lives in the same town. H was with her for about 4 yrs and had two children. He mentioned she had put on weight post babies.
H and I are exactly the same height and I am a little self conscious of being about 15 pounds overweight and actually heavier than him. He is average build. I have quite large breasts some stubborn belly fat and extra padding, but mostly fit and active.

Sex is really important to us both and is a daily occurrence. H is always saying how attractive he finds me etc
Ok, so during a clean up I come across photos of his Ex while he was with her and see she is obese in fact probably what you'd call morbidly obese.
I'm sort of stunned. Doesn't make me feel good. I'm looking at H differently, I know he has a high sex drive. He's commented he would never be in a relationship with a woman who didn't like sex.

Something inside my head is saying 'why am I trying to stay attractive for you when it's clear you would f*** anyone!! im not meaning to be offensive to obese people, but im having trouble grappling with this huge discrepency in body types and whats sexually attractive to my H. I have long toned legs and his ex had enormous legs like tree trunks and couldn't even sit properly!!
I don't think he left her because of her weight, but because of other issues.
I read posts here about spouses being turned off by weight. But does it not matter at all to some men?
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[I'mInLoveWithMyHubby]

I don't know what I imagined, but not this..!
H and I have been together 2yrs. I have never seen his ex tho she lives in the same town. H was with her for about 4 yrs and had two children. He mentioned she had put on weight post babies.
H and I are exactly the same height and I am a little self conscious of being about 15 pounds overweight and actually heavier than him. He is average build. I have quite large breasts some stubborn belly fat and extra padding, but mostly fit and active.

Sex is really important to us both and is a daily occurrence. H is always saying how attractive he finds me etc
Ok, so during a clean up I come across photos of his Ex while he was with her and see she is obese in fact probably what you'd call morbidly obese.
I'm sort of stunned. Doesn't make me feel good. I'm looking at H differently, I know he has a high sex drive. He's commented he would never be in a relationship with a woman who didn't like sex.

Something inside my head is saying 'why am I trying to stay attractive for you when it's clear you would f*** anyone!! im not meaning to be offensive to obese people, but im having trouble grappling with this huge discrepency in body types and whats sexually attractive to my H. I have long toned legs and his ex had enormous legs like tree trunks and couldn't even sit properly!!
I don't think he left her because of her weight, but because of other issues.
I read posts here about spouses being turned off by weight. But does it not matter at all to some men?
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I'm a little shocked to read this. I don't care who you are and judging people and making fun of them is down right cruel.

If anyone responds to my post, I will not be reading it. I'm not coming back to this particular thread.

Also, I'm far from being overweight myself. I use to run 36 miles a week, very fit, but I would never ever make fun of anyone's looks. It's down right cruel. Plus, I do not ever compare myself to anyone else.

 

[moco82]

How is his confidence and self-esteem? He may well prefer fit thin women, but she was the bird in hand.

 

[indiecat]

She put on weight post babies then. It might have happened gradually maybe he didn't mind or notice so much. I guess that makes him a non superficial type man.

 

[notsocool]

I'm a little shocked to read this. I don't care who you are and judging people and making fun of them is down right cruel.

If anyone responds to my post, I will not be reading it. I'm not coming back to this particular thread.

Also, I'm far from being overweight myself. I use to run 36 miles a week, very fit, but I would never ever make fun of anyone's looks. It's down right cruel. Plus, I do not ever compare myself to anyone else.

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[Azure]

I don't see why this bothers you so much. If anything it shows you what a good man your H is. No, he doesn't f*ck everything that moves, he obviously saw past her weight issue and loved her for her.

Also your post is insensitive. You could have left it at "morbidly obese" but no need to shame another person, even if she can't read this, because of their weight.

 

[moco82]

I'd be glad to give the H the benefit of the doubt and assume the best about him. But... I... have this friend... who would screw anything that moves and is thus able to stay with his wife.

 

[MrsOldNews]

I understand where you're coming from. When I first moved in and started cleaning up my stbxh's bachelor pad I came across pics of his ex. I assumed she had to be okay looking at least due to her occupation as a stripper (never been in a strip club btw). She was about 4'11 no breasts at all and looked like she had a bad case of downs syndrome (not trying to offend anyone but thats the first thing I thought upon seeing her pic.

I had a fleeting moment of insecurity thinking if he thought she was good looking then he'd bang/ date almost anything. But then I thought to myself I've dated a few men who my friends and family were like wtf mrsoldnews? He looked like he fell of the ugly tree and hit every stick on the way down. And you know what? They were right, I just didn't see those men the same way my friends/family did because I liked them for who they were. I wasn't basing my opinion solely on looks.

I was basically wondering how my stbxh could date someone so gross but I had dated a few uggos in my day too. Hypocrite much??

Yes I was! And maybe your husbands ex wife had some great redeeming qualities in the beginning that made her more attractive then her weight wasn't an issue. Or maybe he finds obese people attractive in general. Whatever the reason. You should let it go before you spend time woo eying about something you can't change.

 

[notsocool]

I'm sorry, I'm not judging and absolutely not trying to make fun.
Just trying to express, probably over the top analogy, the extent of my shock at this ladies body type only in relation to my h's sexual attraction. And I'm probably digging this hole deeper for myself
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[missymrs80]

Oh, this should be interesting

 

[Lon]

notsocool, you are saying that you are only a little bit overweight because of a presumption that your H's ex was about the same size too?

In that case I don't know what you are complaining about, now you don't have to worry about staying only slightly overweight to please your H, you should be celebrating because you just found out you have the freedom to be as fat as you want.

 

[missymrs80]

To the OP,

I think you have a valid concern. Im just going to be honest here...first thing i think....addict (biggest reward being food)....or self esteem issues.

So to me it makes sense you would question why your husband was married to this woman. But.....unless your husband went thru intensive therapy post divorce I would imagine you yourself have some stuff to work on (and your husband as well).

My answer sounds really harsh....i apologize, but its just my opinion.
I wonder if the true shock is that you recognized that you yourself, as well as your husband, have some stuff to work on.

Dont they have 2 kids? Why are u just now only seeing a pic of your stepchildrens mother.

 

[mel123]

OP.. Why should it matter to you? Would it make you feel better if she had a super model body?

A friend of mine married an obese girl, they were married about 10 years and she died, then within about 18 months ,he met and married another obese girl. Some guys put up with their wives being big and then there are other M who are attracted, to large women.

 

[Coffee Amore]

I think I understand what you're trying to say even if it was put in a non-PC way. You thought your H was attracted to a certain body type. Now you've discovered he can be attracted to a body type even larger than you previously imagined. I can see how that might come as a surprise to you. It also shows your husband hasn't shared with you as much information about his previous marriage as maybe you would have liked.

You'd be surprised at what body types people are attracted to. There's really someone for everyone. My husband worked with a female colleague who weighed over 400 pounds (I only know this because she had gastric bypass surgery eventually). Her spouse is tall and average in build. And they met when the morbidly obese wife was at her heaviest.

 

[that_girl]

Wow. LOL! Why can't fat people LOVE SEX!? I was over 200 pounds at one point and was still a sex kitten Rawr.

My husband's exgf is a bigger girl. So? She's bigger than me, but that doesn't mean she didn't love sex...(H is a high drive person).

Maybe you are just seeing things the wrong way. He said he couldn't be with someone who didn't like sex. He said nothing about weight.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. She was/is the mother of his children. And maybe he likes thick girls. Not all men want a skinny woman.

 

[that_girl]

Or MAYBE she didn't love sex and that's when he realized he needed someone who loved it. I've been through that too. Either way, oh well, it's his ex.

 

[MEM2020]

Not,

If this is really important to you - I have a suggestion. Find pictures or her/him when they were first dating.

The reason I say that is that some men - once they fall in love - won't fall out of love over weight.

Your H might be uncomfortable saying that he much preferred her before she got bigger. I don't think you need to hear that.

I will guess from the tone of your post - that something very bad happened when you saw those pictures. You completely recalculated your husbands sex rank - and lowered it a lot.

Put your seatbelt on because the rest of this little ride I am taking you on is not going to be fun.

I have a friend named S. He is clever and funny and rich. He is a bit over weight - about the amount that you are. BTW - he calls himself FAT - because he will only date women who are super thin. In fact - with one long term girlfriend who was 5'4" and 110 pounds - when she gained 5 pounds or so he would always "suggest" this dress she had that was tight for her at that weight. It was his message that she was gaining weight.

I am not defending him AT ALL. I hammered him for doing that.

Your H though - HE is a solid guy. Replace gained weight with:
- mastectomy or
- car accident scars

And he is still there loving you.

I'm sorry, I'm not judging and absolutely not trying to make fun.
Just trying to express, probably over the top analogy, the extent of my shock at this ladies body type only in relation to my h's sexual attraction. And I'm probably digging this hole deeper for myself
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[Fvstringpicker]

I hate to tell you this NSC, but how do you know your husband is not the type that prefers the BBW and silently wishes you had a little more padding, as you put it? How do you know, he's not fantasying about a more full figured women, despite the "quite large breast" you point out ? You said he has a high sex drive. Don't you think he was doing the, "more cushion for the pushin" on a regular basis with her? Of course you do.

 

[Ayla]

Dh had an ex 5" 11' tall with a brick house body (busty with a big ol booty) and one barely 5' tall who was a bit chunky. He isn't very tall and he was standing on the curb and she was in the street in the pic with the bigger woman. I'm two inches shorter than him and average. I'm about a 8-10 in size but I have a good waist to hip ratio.

I think most men have an ideal fantasy type but will date any woman they find attractive and is willing to have them. I think a lot of men aren't as picky as we think they are. A man might like thin blonds but date a brunette because her smile or shapely legs caught his eye that day. Maybe the fat didn't bother him or maybe she gained during the relationship. There are plenty of heavy women in Ltr and marriages.

 

[IndiaInk]

I don't know what I imagined, but not this..!


I'm sort of stunned. Doesn't make me feel good. I am looking at hubby differently
Something inside my head is saying 'why am I trying to stay attractive for you when it's clear you would f*** anyone!! im [/i][/size]

When you say you're looking at him "differently"...do you really mean you're sort of thinking "less of him"?

I'm guessing yes.

It goes back to this notion that: "we never love other people. We love ourselves through other people."

And so, if he seems to have "no standards"...then his loving you isn't all that special...and so you can't feel as good about yourself through your relationship with him.

These feelings are normal.

They're also some of the uglier, pettier feelings we're capable of...

If you have a good husband who loves you...try not to fixate on this...or allow it to bother you