[Booker81]

I've been married nearly 10 Years now, we have a 7 Year old daughter. I’m 31 & She Will be 30 in Jan.
She was a good women when we met but shortly after we married started partying and ended up cheating on me just before she got pregnant with our daughter while I’m pretty sure my daughter is mine that’s not a factor she’s mine I raised her, Nearly on my own the first 3 years of her life. my wife has always been immature and insecure to the point of when we decided to get married she said if we were going to be married I had to tell all my friends men/women to go to hell I can't see them anymore because her logic was if I have female friends id sleep with them and if I had male friends that would introduce me to women that I would then sleep with *note* never cheated in my life but foolishly I did what was asked *note* she was so insecure the first 2 years we were married that when I was in a good mood she would walk up to me and blatantly say "Who are you ****ing" because apparently I could only be happy if I was having sex with someone else.. Sign... then she cheated on me and that shut her up about that for a year tell she started her I’m a rock star party animal phase she got a tattoo started drinking heavy *note* comes from a family of complete alcoholics *note* she has spent the last 8 years now out a few days a week partying. What has changed in the last 2 years my health a failed my body’s betraying me left and right so I would have thought she would have started to grow up to be there with her husband well she hasn't she’s overwhelmingly put her friends above me and our daughter and the basic question I want to know with just this drop in the bucket of information I’ve posted about our marriage she’s nearly 30 isn't time to pack it in and grow the hell up I’m not sure there’s much more I can take I’ve start contemplating suicide i'm too sick to start over and i have tried so many time over the last few months to talk to her shes just get pissy at me and says so i cant have friends then, i tell her that i would like her to just think of her family first that she is married and getting too old to be acting like a kid she then just looks through me and repeats so i cant have friends i just like to hang out with my friends and i get nowhere with her might as well be talking to a spot on the wall...

 

[Booker81]

Oh and to add.. Even the small. small amount of time shes home shes connected to her cell phone texting and wont leave it laying around she keeps it on her chest while taking a bath.. she mainly texts one guy from when shes wakes up tell she goes to bed she also works with this guy and does most of her partying alone just him and her at his house but treats me like a fool when i ask her to stop spending all your time with this guy that its not fair action when married and it doesn't look good to other people that see you doing it

 

[costa200]

You really need to man up man. This relationship is unhealthy and will be then end of you. She as cheated on you and it is very likely she is cheating with this bloke as well. Head to the CWI section of the forum and listen to the people there.

 

[Booker81]

i know She's Not Cheating Well not Physically this is just what immature women do they need attention from 12 different directions at once "Attention *****s" she just really, needs to grow the heck up being sick i don't have the energy to force her to act her age & i shouldn't have to

 

[Emerald]

What are your health problems? If you're suicidal, please go to a hospital or call 911.

 

[Trying2figureitout]

That's nothing mines 47 and acts that way too.

Your wife childhood/teen years had trauma... guaranteed,.

 

[Booker81]

i have nearly a dozen health issues at this point they just leave me dead tired and in allot of pain funny i got help a few years ago with a female therapist she just basically was as immature as my wife made me laugh a little basicly told me that i was the immature one that women have the right to party and have fun no matter what age or responsibility

 

[Booker81]

That's nothing mines 47 and acts that way too.

Your wife childhood/teen years had trauma... guaranteed,.

No My wife's childhood she had it easy.. too easy shes was so spoiled and i grew up poor as possible

Shes one of those oh i have $30 in the bank account i better spend it like its food and can go bad ha ha....

 

[Plan 9 from OS]

i know She's Not Cheating Well not Physically this is just what immature women do they need attention from 12 different directions at once "Attention *****s" she just really, needs to grow the heck up being sick i don't have the energy to force her to act her age & i shouldn't have to

Really? C'mon, who are you trying to kid? Of course she's cheating - both emotionally (which you already knew) and physically. If she is partying with only him at this house on a regular basis then it's 99.999999999% likely that the affair is physical. Unless you have cameras all over the place at the OMs house and can see every bit of the place, you have no idea what is going on over there.

It's one thing if your wife is lying to you but it's entirely something else when you lie to yourself...

If I were you, I'd confront your wife. I wouldn't confront here about the cheating. What I would do is ask her what she wants out of this marriage because it's very clear that she does not want to be a mom or a wife. Then I'd propose to her that the two of you split amicably and that you get sole custody of your daughter. Then, make a clean break financially and get this woman out of your life.

 

[Juicer]

I'm 31, and still party like I'm 21. (minus the drinking, damn liver...)

But dude, your wife has more problems than your title suggest.

I would suggest counseling.

 

[Booker81]

Really? C'mon, who are you trying to kid? Of course she's cheating - both emotionally (which you already knew) and physically. If she is partying with only him at this house on a regular basis then it's 99.999999999% likely that the affair is physical. Unless you have cameras all over the place at the OMs house and can see every bit of the place, you have no idea what is going on over there.

It's one thing if your wife is lying to you but it's entirely something else when you lie to yourself...

If I were you, I'd confront your wife. I wouldn't confront here about the cheating. What I would do is ask her what she wants out of this marriage because it's very clear that she does not want to be a mom or a wife. Then I'd propose to her that the two of you split amicably and that you get sole custody of your daughter. Then, make a clean break financially and get this woman out of your life.

Yes, Iv'e already brought this all up with her says they are just friends and i do believe theres nothing physical between them she just is a fool and she says she still wants to be married but more than likely is just used to being married and is afraid of the change i just don't feel like the marriage has a point if i have to watch her like a teenage girl to keep her out of trouble

 

[TBT]

Oh and to add.. Even the small. small amount of time shes home shes connected to her cell phone texting and wont leave it laying around she keeps it on her chest while taking a bath.. she mainly texts one guy from when shes wakes up tell she goes to bed she also works with this guy and does most of her partying alone just him and her at his house but treats me like a fool when i ask her to stop spending all your time with this guy that its not fair action when married and it doesn't look good to other people that see you doing it

Sorry for the lousy situation you're in,but how do you assume she's not cheating in light of this post.She's not getting attention from 12 different directions here,only one.You can't make her change,but you can change yourself and how you handle it.As was suggested I hope you read some of the threads in the CWI forum.Good luck.

 

[Booker81]

I'm 31, and still party like I'm 21. (minus the drinking, damn liver...)

But dude, your wife has more problems than your title suggest.

I would suggest counseling.

Yeah, Tried that shes has far more issues than listed didnt think someone would want to read a 3,000 page first post
i tried to force her to do counseling a few years back her answer was I'M NOT CRAZY I DON'T NEED COUNSELING!... Yeah...

 

[Booker81]

Sorry for the lousy situation you're in,but how do you assume she's not cheating in light of this post.She's not getting attention from 12 different directions here,only one.You can't make her change,but you can change yourself and how you handle it.As was suggested I hope you read some of the threads in the CWI forum.Good luck.

She's cheated before and is terrible at it she can't handle stress at all i would be able to tell. No basically comes down to the fact that she's immature and doesn't want to deal with the issues of being married and me being so sick so she just runs from everything

 

[Booker81]

the other day i flat out told her fine you don't want to spend time together you don't want to act like your age fine ill just go about life on my own you don't want to get a divorce then ill get friends again and live my life and take care of our daughter then the next day she said i was right *in her own words of course* said she would get with it and less than 24hrs later she was is it to early to go to Mr.x House i won't drink too much i just looked at her like dam your messed up and said sure go for it she looked at me and was like yeah.. guess its too early i just told her you undid any good that was done in this less than 24hrs and that she should just go ahead and keep digging her self in to a hole she cant climb out of

 

[the guy]

Your screwed brother. Until you take action and stop making excuses for being weak you will remain weak.

You diserve good thing and your kid diserves good things. I strongly suggest you start talking to a lawyer.

Why, cuz you are to weak to show your cheating wife any real consequences for her behavior, so hire someone that can.


I bet once you get rid of this vampire of a wife some of your health issues will go away. I think your daughter diserve a healthy dad that can stand up for him self.


Dude I understand your hurting my wife partied for 13 years and slept with 20 guys, so you are not alone and I can tell you this............."who in the hell do think is going to take care of you when your bed ridden" ...........not your current wife thats for sure!
Go find a better chick! Some one that can be the mother your kid diserves.


Please do your kid a favor like I did mine, and thats get your butt out of bed and show your daughter an example of self respect and healthy self esteem. Stop giving your daughter an examble of how to be a door mat and how a marraige is.

Shame on you for doing this to your daughter, she is counting on you to be an examble and not only are you failing her but her own mothers is dropping the ball.

You can't control her mother, but you can take control of your self and stop tolorating this crap and be there for your kid.


BTW, by my reconning it been teen years so figure with you old ladies rotation and ONS she has had at least 10 men, in another 10 years figure about ten more guys. This is simply by my own account and experience....hell it could be more men, it could be less............................my point is you are doing a diserve to your self and your daughter by staying married to this vampire.

 

[the guy]

i just don't feel like the marriage has a point if i have to watch her like a teenage girl to keep her out of trouble

You can bearly watch your self, you sure can't watch your wife. You must beable to see the disrespect your chick is showing you and her family?

You need to work on your self and your daughter, it will be up to your chick to come along or not.

Why is she still your problem?

This is a one sided marriage with no consequences for crappy behavior so she will continue....I know Iv'e been there.


Maybe my sickness was self inflicting, but in my case I made damb sure I got well enough to get my self out of a unhealthy relationship by manning up.

 

[Booker81]

You can bearly watch your self, you sure can't watch your wife. You must beable to see the disrespect your chick is showing you and her family?

You need to work on your self and your daughter, it will be up to your chick to come along or not.

Why is she still your problem?

This is a one sided marriage with no consequences for crappy behavior so she will continue....I know Iv'e been there.


Maybe my sickness was self inflicting, but in my case I made damb sure I got well enough to get my self out of a unhealthy relationship by manning up.

i'm not a door mat let that be clear there have been consequences for her actions but there shouldn't have to be she should have just grown the **** up but guess were well past that.. yes i am working on ending it now just was looking for some basic input from others incase i wasn't seeing something that i should have

 

[the guy]

Cool bother....I'll put the 2x4 down!

You are seeing exactly what you need to see....good for you.

Please start by taking care of your self. Work on your self and distance your self from your wife (the 180) and show her the indiffernce you will need to have to start emotionally distancing you self. You will need to protect your emotions, the 180 helps. In short stop engaging your wife, it just crews you up.

The 180 will help you put up the walls that will help prevent the emotional torture you are getting from this women.

So no more crying , begging or "I love you's" ...the oppisite of love is indifference. Your wife no longer diserve even the anger you have.

This women only diserve the indifference you need to have, while you take what ever energy you have left and focus it on you.

You will never be able to control her, but you can control what you will and will not tolorate. Your chick can make her own choices, just like you can make your own choice in finding some one that can show you the love you diserve thru actions.

I suggest you start raising your attraction level my showing your wife how confident you are in letting her go (chick dig confident men), also go out and get a hair cut, by some new cloths and talk to your doctor about getting some help for your self with regards to dealing with your wife sleeping around.

Think about it, guy don't hang out with chick for months on end with out getting "some" ....your lady is screwing around .....you know she has the capicity....so get out of the denial................................shoot there I go again with the 2x4 ....sorry brother your story hits close to home.

I'll stop ranting. LOL

 

[Entropy3000]

i know She's Not Cheating Well not Physically this is just what immature women do they need attention from 12 different directions at once "Attention *****s" she just really, needs to grow the heck up being sick i don't have the energy to force her to act her age & i shouldn't have to

You cannot possibly know she is not cheating.

Her drinking buddy is a man!? She spends alone time drinking with another man and texts him all day long.

Well she is in an affair for sure. But to think they have not gone physical is nuckenfutts. I mean she has already cheated on you.

You have "asked" her to stop. You may indeed be raising another man's child. That alone sent the message to her she could cuckold you aytime she wanted. She probably knows for sure. Do you have other children?

So what is it you are looking for here?

What to do? Well you have to tell her to go immediate NC with this guy and that she has to stop her partying life style. That this is unaccapetable to you and you will not stay in the marriage otherwise.

That is it. But she will call your bluff because of the ten years of being a doormat in her eyes. The problem with undoing stuff like this is that it has incredible long time momentum.

I would have had the child parternity tested long ago. I doubt I would have had a baby with a woman who cheated on me to begin with. I am saying I would have dealt woth the issues long ago.

So this means you have to be even more extreme because of the history. Either you can go to the extreme or not.

Can you do what it takes to get this turned around?

What is your deal breaker. Your wife is a serial cheater. Where is your boundary?