[steeressed]

well shes been gone for 2 weeks, tried the mc etc, we were not married but engaged, been together for 4.5 yrs, shes 25 im 36.. lots has happened, maybe an age thing, i am trying the NC approach since last thurs, over the weekend, today she had to email me about her cat etc so i caught myself trying to talk to her. i bombarded her with emails texts etc for almost 2 weeks. i know it isnt helping, i just want her back so badly. part of me knows she still loves me but the other thinks this heavy relationship was too much too soon for her. shes stubborn any suggestions with dealing with a stubborn girl. she hasnt had a chance to miss me yet as ive been doing all the things im not suppose to do. we live in a small town of about 90k and the weekends are gonna suck due to us hanging out at the same places. since no contact i actually feel alot better..

 

[indiecat]

Good for you doing no contact. It's the only way to go, pleading is a turn off.
With a stubborn person you really need NC, she has to find out what being very alone feels like. Keep any emails short and sweet.
Does she feel that she was too young to settle down?

 

[steeressed]

well, we were engaged about 2 years ago, things we going alright. i am the breadwinner, she worked but i paid the bills etc, gave her a car to drive through my buisness etc, but she was lazy, did the minimum around the house etc, just was almost kinda piggish. over time i felt as though she didnt respect what i provided for her. her insecurities were an issue as well, i had to lie to her to avoid huge fights when it cme to other women. i own a few buisnesses and i am around attractive women all the time, some are my frieds but i could never tell her because i would get the interogation for hours about them, anyways our relationship began to become more of a competition between the two of us. it was imature. i began getting angry at her alot more because i felt as though she didnt apreciate what all i did for her. when i was a **** she began to pull away. its a vicious cycle. we never learned how to communicate with eachother. all our problems snowballed into huuge issues. i am at the stage of feeling alot of guilt because she is super beautiful sweet and actually a very good person. i feel as though i will regret this for the rest of my life. she had all the physical i look for in a women and the sex was great. she met a single friend and this is where everything went down hill. we spent only 2 weekends together this summer, she was away at the lake or visiting her friends. got a taste of the single life and ultimatly at the end she didnt come home for 2 days cause she was out partying with her girls. i kicked her out. wasnt nice about it either. i feel awful.. i just want to apoligize over and over, i loved her deeply and now i dont even want to be in the house no more.so our last councelling session she stated that she couldnt give me what i wanted, she didnt want to be a housewife etc. i never asked her to be a housewife i just wanted someone to take alittle pride in keeping our things clean tidy etc. i did all the chores around the house for nearly 1 year. anyways, she also said she jumped into the relationship too soon after a long one 2 months prior to us getting together she just wants to be with her girls and not have to answer to anyone. when she used to go out she wouldnt let me know where she was or when she was comming home she would ignore me alot.. hard to figure her out..

 

[SlowlyGettingWiser]

Not sure you actually WANT THE TRUTH AS *I* SEE IT...

She's NOT coming back! She's not interested in being engaged to you, or marrying you, or living with you.

we were not married but engaged, been together for 4.5 yrs...this heavy relationship was too much too soon for her

I don't know how 4.5 years could possibly be considered "too soon".

maybe an age thing

Absolutely an 'age thing'; she's as close to 21 as you are to 40! Although I'm sure it made her feel mature to land an older man, what did you two REALLY have in common? She wants to be young and wild and hang out with her girlfriends, flirt with cute guys, be a young 20-something. Can hardly blame her for that.

when she used to go out she wouldnt let me know where she was or when she was comming home she would ignore me alot

Yeah, cuz she was busy flirting and having fun with guys HER AGE; she knew you wouldn't approve.

Look, you provided security. She didn't have to live at home, yet you gave her a better place to live than she could have afforded on her own or with other young people with cr*ppy jobs. You gave her a car (thus allowing her to save more of her own money), paid the bills. She could just be a princess and spend her money on stupid frivolous things. You were a convenient guy who paid the bills, and she liked you well enough, but you were NEVER gonna compete with the hot 20-somethings she and her girlfriends are meeting at the bars.

hard to figure her out..

Not really. She's decided she'd rather live in lousier surroundings, NOT have to clean up around the house (or listen to complaining if she doesn't clean), AND get to hang out with/sleep with hot dudes her age that she meets at the bars. The positives of having the bills paid and having a steady older boyfriend/fiance have been outweighed by the freedom to hang with girlfriends and the freedom to meet guys. If this is true (and I'm a 50-something woman, so I think I know whereof I speak), then better you and she find out NOW rather than after you're married.

But hey, maybe I'm all wrong and she'll come back to you for something other than financial security. If so, avoid the begging and pleading - it will cause her to lose respect for you.

 

[bribrius]

it helps getting over one when your penis is in a different one.

 

[steeressed]

Slowlygettingwiser...

i have accepted that she would rather live in poverty than live together. you said shed rather be with hot young 20 somethings, actually thats the farthest thing from the truth. shes a very mature 25 yr old, so i think, and im not gonna pump my tires but i do ok with the ladies even at 36. in fact i get alot of attention from mid 20 girls right now. she said yes to my proposal at a time when she thought it was what she wanted. girls in the mid 20s seem to need to go have fun party and be free. its fine i accept that. i have a hard time though with her blamming me for everything and the failure of this. you are right though im glad it happened now than later. When we got together we both were not looking for anything serious, i just got out of a previous relationship 2 months prior and she did as well. being 21 when we met i always in the back of my mind wondered if she would have that "need" to party etc. she re assured me many times that she did that already as she seemed so mature at the time. anyway, i have given up, gone no contact, dont really care to talk to her anymore, shes being a princess about a few things, wont give me my house keys back etc or come get her stuff everything is always on her terms right now cause shes sooo busy. oh well , life goes on cant wait to find someone who aprecaites me for me..

 

[steeressed]

well she finally came to gather the final bits of things she had at the house, did so while i was at work and left the key and garge door opener on the counter. such a lonley feeling. knowing she was there just hours before and now shes gone. i dont have anymore reasons to contact her now. i usually am ok for a few days then something makes me want to just vent at her or be mean. i think through the grieving process im now at the anger stage. i dislike this girl right now. she is cold to me doesnt want any contact and just goes on like it doesnt bother her. i had sent her a hateful email a few dyas before because of a situation with one of our vehicles. it felt good to write it but then after later on that day i ended up texting her to tell her i had some cash for her and said i was sorry for being so hateful. im a mess, some days i think im better off some i think of how much of an idiot i am to push her away. obviously shes gone, and obviously she chooses this. i cant change her mind noe beg her to come back, i guess im just slowly trying to understand where she went mentally. doesnt matter though really i guess. but shes not the same person. i miss her alot, think about her constantly still but really its been not even a full month since shes left. i have been seeing other women but i am doing it to have someone to talk to i have zero interest in sex.. what a senario. trying to stay active hitting the gym twice a day etc going to parties but i find myself thinking about how we would be doing all this together. i know it will get better, i know ill find that connection again, and i know these feelings of that bond with her will slowly fade with time. it just sucks knowing that this girl who i loved respected and treated like gold could just turn around and walk out the door and never look back. even to say shes not in love with me anymore and that i need to move on. that one hurt alot. shes not doing the blame game anymore which is nice, now i can reflect on this and see that she played a role in our split as well. i took it all for a while beat myself down and got quite depressed.. life goes on, just have to figure out the best way to do so.. i know theres a woman out there that will apreciate me for me. eventually we will find eachother..

 

[Conrad]

Paying her to leave you = doormat



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[steeressed]

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[steeressed]

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Sorry. But can you explain that please. Paying her to leave me ?
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