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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi TAM.

Long story short, after 5 years she commented that receiving oral is - not uncomfortable or nothing really special.

For myself, giving oral is (was) my second favorite thing in sex but I feel it's pointless to continue with it. I mean, it's designed to be pleasurable for her and if it's not then what the hell I'm doing down there? The ass licking received even less of a score. Damn... :(

I can only blame myself for this failure. She made it known that thought of oral is downright repulsive. That fell on my deaf ears who was blinded from love and who chalked that up on inexperience and inhibition.

For years I've secretly celebrated that I've released her from that inhibition and now it's part of our regular activities only to hear that my 'success' is merely toleration instead of enjoyment.

So, Is my decision to 'phase out' these activities the right one? I'll miss them dearly but I don't see the point in doing them to her anymore.
 

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I refuse to believe the sensation is putting her off. The mind is a messed up thing. Most likely she was indoctrinated from a young age into thinking 'that place' is dirty or something along those lines...
 

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I refuse to believe the sensation is putting her off. The mind is a messed up thing. Most likely she was indoctrinated from a young age into thinking 'that place' is dirty or something along those lines...
Believe what you want, but I'm also someone who really loathes receiving oral, and it's not because I feel like it's dirty or something. I genuinely do not like how it feels, and it's really awkward for me to have his head down there while I just lie there not doing anything. He does it occasionally and I'll let him, but it's not something I encourage or ask him to do.

If she is telling you that an activity like that is repulsive, than it's my opinion that phasing it out is the right decision.
 

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Hi TAM.

Long story short, after 5 years she commented that receiving oral is - not uncomfortable or nothing really special.

For myself, giving oral is (was) my second favorite thing in sex but I feel it's pointless to continue with it. I mean, it's designed to be pleasurable for her and if it's not then what the hell I'm doing down there? The ass licking received even less of a score. Damn... :(

I can only blame myself for this failure. She made it known that thought of oral is downright repulsive. That fell on my deaf ears who was blinded from love and who chalked that up on inexperience and inhibition.

For years I've secretly celebrated that I've released her from that inhibition and now it's part of our regular activities only to hear that my 'success' is merely toleration instead of enjoyment.

So, Is my decision to 'phase out' these activities the right one? I'll miss them dearly but I don't see the point in doing them to her anymore.
Does she enjoy giving you oral sex? Some women actually prefer giving and strongly dislikes receiving. Yes, it's true, some women are actually wired like that. Weird, yes. But they exists. Some of them are like that because they like being in control, and dislikes being controlled. So it's not you, but it's their internal wiring.
 

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Hi TAM.

Long story short, after 5 years she commented that receiving oral is - not uncomfortable or nothing really special.

For myself, giving oral is (was) my second favorite thing in sex but I feel it's pointless to continue with it. I mean, it's designed to be pleasurable for her and if it's not then what the hell I'm doing down there? The ass licking received even less of a score. Damn... :(

I can only blame myself for this failure. She made it known that thought of oral is downright repulsive. That fell on my deaf ears who was blinded from love and who chalked that up on inexperience and inhibition.

For years I've secretly celebrated that I've released her from that inhibition and now it's part of our regular activities only to hear that my 'success' is merely toleration instead of enjoyment.


So, Is my decision to 'phase out' these activities the right one? I'll miss them dearly but I don't see the point in doing them to her anymore.
I ve seen men with a strong personality like you have get their wives to the awesomest things, but then they give their wives a reason to stop believing in the power because they do not apear to believe in it themselves anymore.. Worst part was that some of these couples break up soon after and the same wives take and practice the new knowledge in their new relationship.

Short: Instead of taking her stand to oral sex serious, better focus on what has made its value diminish. This will be

a) You always peeping for whether she likes it -> You do not believe what your are doing is good -> She falls back into her former conditioned standpoint to it
b) You adoring going down on her too much (YES! I ve met women who just cannot befriend the idea of a man who is a *****licker. This aint your fault. The only men who I know who solved this problem, were the ones who would combine oral sex with a fantasy of her not beieng able to defend herself etc..)

If you take stuff too serious in your relationship, then you have started to dig its grave my friend.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I refuse to believe...
Yeah, I did just that. :) I don't think she's indoctrinated, her mom is not an assertive person and she is not religious.

I genuinely do not like how it feels, and it's really awkward for me to have his head down there while I just lie there not doing anything.
The 'doing nothing' is easy solved: 69. But, since you described yourself as asexual person I understand your awkwardness.

The word - repulsive - was used just once at the very beginning of our relationship while she was still an oral virgin (valid term?). That's the reason why didn't took her seriously. She never said anything badly about it later on but also nothing flattering.

Does she enjoy giving you oral sex?
No. She isn't the giving type really.
 

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I bet when you were dating she was not saying a word about it.

I think you should let her know that you loveher and [EVERY PART] of her and you doing it means something special to you since you love her taste,softness and everything else..

Years and years ago I have sex with a woman that stopped me for going down on her and we had no second date.
 

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Gotta disagree with you on that big time,women can like sex just like us and oral is part of my deal no matter how many dates we had.
.
I had sex with a different woman on the second date and she has been my great wife for the past 24 years.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I think you should let her know that you love her and [EVERY PART] of her and you doing it means something special to you since you love her taste,softness and everything else..
I'm telling her literally as you have written it and she knows this and that makes her happy but apparently it's not enough that she enjoys the act itself.
 

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In my experience. Customers who came with such problems were those who were floating into a huge storm.

It isnt about her not wanting oral. She is starting to reason her not wanting you, soon it could be the relationship if you dont stop playing the puppy and if you dont stop taking her too serious.
 
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bad sign brother.. :(
I agree with this. Does she actually like sex? Or just lay there and wait for you to finish? Are you sure there has never been any sexual trauma in her life?

Personally, I couldn't be with a partner who didn't like receiving oral sex. But have you ever considered your technique might be the issue? Just because past partners enjoyed it, it doesn't mean you're doing it right for your wife.

Just some things to think about...

C
 

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As I've said in my first post that is something that I really like to do.
And she's let you do it all this time.

But your post isn't lamenting that she has refused to let you do it. It's lamenting that she doesn't enjoy what you're doing.

You can't make her like something she just does not.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
She is starting to reason her not wanting you, soon it could be the relationship if you dont stop playing the puppy and if you dont stop taking her too serious.
I'm not sure what you're saying here. Why shouldn't I take her words seriously? They were said while we had serious conversation.

Does she actually like sex?
The thing is, with her confession we're back to square one sexually. Now I see that we have different views on sexuality. She uses sex to feel loved and she likes kisses, lots of kisses and touches, lots of touches and penis-in-vagina sex.

I'm all for it, 100% but I'd love some variety. I want to be playful, adventurous. I want new things to try and experience. I want to sexually evolve and grow with her.

It's not happening. She is willing to try almost anything for me but she's clearly not into it which in turn makes doing new stuff pointless for me. I appreciate her efforts and saddened that it's not enough just to say yes and be uncomfortable with it.

She knows that I want some variety but doesn't offer any ideas of her own. It seems that she is much less sexual person than me?
 

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I'm not sure what you're saying here. Why shouldn't I take her words seriously? They were said while we had serious conversation.
Yes a conversation which you took serious, while she was just wanting to express herself emotionally. Most men cant hold back and force their wives to argue with them. Every word you say to state your point is just another reason for the partner to defend herself. And believe me, their is no fairness in this play.

The reason you arent getting anywhere is because you think that she doesnt understand you. She understands you better than you understand her, she only doesnt feel like agreeing with your point of view.
 
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Hi TAM.

Long story short, after 5 years she commented that receiving oral is - not uncomfortable or nothing really special.

For myself, giving oral is (was) my second favorite thing in sex but I feel it's pointless to continue with it. I mean, it's designed to be pleasurable for her and if it's not then what the hell I'm doing down there? The ass licking received even less of a score. Damn... :(

I can only blame myself for this failure. She made it known that thought of oral is downright repulsive. That fell on my deaf ears who was blinded from love and who chalked that up on inexperience and inhibition.

For years I've secretly celebrated that I've released her from that inhibition and now it's part of our regular activities only to hear that my 'success' is merely toleration instead of enjoyment.

So, Is my decision to 'phase out' these activities the right one? I'll miss them dearly but I don't see the point in doing them to her anymore.
I'm in the same boat as you dude, though my fiancee won't allow oral sex on her at all, outside of a few instances. I do like performing oral sex, but in our five year relationship, I've been south of the border less than 10 times I figure, and only twice when she wasn't tipsy/drunk. The last time I was down there when she was sober was I'd say about four years ago.

So I have phased it out. I bring it up from time to time in conversation, and she has thought about it a bit, but a past sexual trauma has her very much against oral sex and I honestly doubt it will change.

So why did I phase it out? Same reason that you are contemplating phasing it out in your situation. If she isn't getting anything out of it, why would I be down there? I mean, yes, I enjoy doing it, but sex to me is just as much about making my partner happy, and I know she'd be uncomfortable with me down there. So I don't go down there. Why do it if the only one getting any real enjoyment out of it is me? And if I'm the only one enjoying it, that level of enjoyment decreases a lot.

I feel for you man, it does suck, and I think the worst part about it is when you take oral sex off the board, often you are taking a lot of other things off the board as well, as women who don't like oral sex it seems aren't as open to trying other things sexually as well. I'm sure there are exceptions to this, but if you aren't open to having your partner give you oral sex (which is the second most common form of sex behind PiV) then odds are you'll have reservations about other forms of sex, positions, role play, etc.
 

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I feel for you man, it does suck, and I think the worst part about it is when you take oral sex off the board, often you are taking a lot of other things off the board as well, as women who don't like oral sex it seems aren't as open to trying other things sexually as well. I'm sure there are exceptions to this, but if you are open to having your partner give you oral sex (which is the second most common form of sex behind PiV) then odds are you'll have reservations about other forms of sex, positions, role play, etc.
There does seem to be a correlation. My wife is definitely in the no oral, no fingers, no toys, just-the-penis-thank-your-very-much camp. I mean, why would anyone want to put their face in that disgusting place?

OP, since you haven't convinced her to like it by now, chances are you never will. Looks like something to take off the table unless you have an unbearable urge once in a while.
 
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