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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I emailed my WW a stern letter announcing I filed for divorce, saying I'd no longer contact her until she ended contact with the OM and agreed to return. That was two days ago. She's since texted me about 30 times begging to come home. This after five months of little to no attention! I'm excited but skeptical. Still haven't sent any response. Any advice on how to proceed?
 

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You need proof she has sent nc letter and that she is sticking to it. You need full disclosure of everything she did. You need std test results in writing. You need full and unhindered access to her phone, emails, computer, bank accounts etc. for the next, oh, five years or so. You need all your questions answered, polygraph if you feel it would help. She must put gps on her car and her phone. She must let you search her car every day for burner phones and her person for......whatever. She must grovel at your feet and tell you she will do anything you want her to and then do it. She must commit to MC and IC for a few years.

Even after that, I'd be skeptical of her. She's proven herself less than trustworthy.
 

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If I remember correctly you gave her a choice and she chose him over you....

But it's your life and you have to do what you think is best for you.
 

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So I emailed my WW a stern letter announcing I filed for divorce, saying I'd no longer contact her until she ended contact with the OM and agreed to return. That was two days ago. She's since texted me about 30 times begging to come home. This after five months of little to no attention! I'm excited but skeptical. Still haven't sent any response. Any advice on how to proceed?
Why not put her on a trial basis. Tit for Tat.

She deserves that. You need it.

Give her 30 - 60 days to prove to you that she wants to be with you!

And do not stop the D. She needs to prove to you by her actions she means what she says..............
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Can't she live with a trusted friend? Why directly from OM's house to yours?
Let her prove herself for a while, at least. Don't let her come back.
Read Hope1964 list. She need to be alone for a while and work on herself before considering as a potential partner.
Acabado, can you give a link to the list? Couldn't find it.

Yeah I 'd prefer she stay somewhere else for a while, but we recently moved across the country and don't know anybody here, and we're too poor to afford separate apartments.
 

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I don't remember any details from before. Has she been living with OM for the past 5 months or seeing him regularly?

Do not stop the D until you are comfortable and are sure of her (and yourself).

Sometimes a betrayed spouse wants the WS back because it is like a competition between BS and OM. The excite of winning the battle fades and the reality dawns that they really don't know this person any longer and really do not want them back. The prize for winning turns out to be something you don't want.

Don't get overly excited about her willing to return. Take it slow.
 

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So I emailed my WW a stern letter announcing I filed for divorce, saying I'd no longer contact her until she ended contact with the OM and agreed to return. That was two days ago. She's since texted me about 30 times begging to come home. This after five months of little to no attention! I'm excited but skeptical. Still haven't sent any response. Any advice on how to proceed?
This is so weak.

You told her you filed for divorce and that you won't speak to her unless she ends the affair. It's contradictory, and basically announcing the divorce is a big bluff and she still has complete control over the outcome.

What you should have done:

Filed for divorce and said nothing.

What you should do now:

Proceed with the divorce and do not speak to her unless as absolutely necessary to discuss only finances, kids, things of that nature.

Come back in 3 months for the next step.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Isn't that a deja vu? Are you willing to fall for this yet again?
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Yes I'm willing to give it one more shot. I'd rather give it a second chance and fail than end it and wonder forever if I should've tried again.

There are those that would say she had a second chance, third chance etc. over the last few months...sorry I see this as one long episode. And knowing her troubled past and absolute disdain for counselors, the fact she's willingly agreed to counseling tells me something's possibly changed. I'd kick myself for not trying, and if she does cheat again - well, kicking her out would be a lot easier having been through this already.
 

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She's been living with him since November, and had her own apartment for 2 months before that
OK. She has demonstrated clearly where you fall on her list of priorities and it ain't at the top of the list. Probably not even the top 5.

I would be extremely skeptical about having her move back to you FROM HIS PLACE.

She needs to separate from him and prove to you that she has done so before getting back in your home.

You need to sit down and really think about what she has put you through, how she has disrespected and lied to you. How she basically tossed you out in favor of him. YOU need to really think about it and decide if you want the person she is now in your life and don't confuse the person she is now with the wife she was before the affair. You might want the pre-affair wife back but you have to realize that the pre-affair wife no longer exists.

Have you been providing money to her during the last 5 months? Something is not right here.
 

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Acabado, can you give a link to the list? Couldn't find it.

Yeah I 'd prefer she stay somewhere else for a while, but we recently moved across the country and don't know anybody here, and we're too poor to afford separate apartments.
No, she is to poor to live on her own without you. It sounds like she may be tired of needy boyfriend and needs a way out, and that it by using you.
 
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