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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
As i posted yesterday, my girlfriend is being bullied at her school. He calls her horrible things for a solid hour everyday. She is a small quiet girl without very many school friends. She came over crying and scared. I came up with the idea that instead of having her walk home alone for fear of him following her home, i'll just pick her up. Another idea i had was when i see this kid, i'm gonna get right in his face, i doubt he'll wanna fight ( i'm about 6'3 220), and if he wants to fight i'll fight him ( she was against this but i'm considering it). She now wants to either move in with me at my place. Her parents don't have a great relationship with her even when they are home ( which they never are) so i doubt they would notice or care. Are there any ways to handle this that i haven't thought of? i doubt telling the faculty would do anything. I went to this school and the faculty doesn't discipline. Is having her move in a good idea?
 

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Her parents don't have a great relationship with her even when they are home ( which they never are) so i doubt they would notice or care.
I'm going to say this with all the kindness I can muster. This is a red flag. This girl has the potential to be your classic damsel in distress with you playing the role of rescuer. It's cute and an ego boost at first but over time you will grow to resent this.

Healthy relationships aren't about rescuing someone despite all the dramatic movies that portray it as a good way to come together as a couple. It's not.

So my answer it's a bad idea to let her move in with you at this time.
 

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Moving in with you doesn't solve her bullying problem.

She needs to make a visit to her school counselor and/or her school social worker. You can't save her from life, and unfortunately the bullying is a part of life. She's going to have to learn how to protect herself.
 

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i just want her to be safe
Sure you do, but you can't be with her 24/7. She has to learn to look after herself. She's not a little kid anymore. And if she doesn't mention what's going on with the staff at school, then she's really on her own here. If she doesn't trust the faculty, then she should go to her counselor and social worker. They're in that school for a reason.

If they have a school resource officer, she needs to contact him or her as well. She can file a report against this kid if she has to.
 

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She needs to deal with this on her own. She needs to ignore this kid and go to the staff at school. Chances are she is exaggerating, to make you feel bad for her and that's just a recipe for drama. I think it's best to stay out of if and let her resolve this on her own before getting anywhere further in the relationship.
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i just want her to be safe
I know you do but like a bit much said you can't be with her 24/7. She MUST learn to take care of herself.

My bet is she's exaggerating to get you to let her move in with you so she can get away from her unloving parents.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I don't want her to feel like she's alone in this situation so i can't just leave it alone. I agree she's not a little kid anymore but she's been alone most of her life being an only child in a home where her parents weren't around and i don't want her to feel alone. I don't see any reason for her exaggerate about bullying. This kid is pretty hard to ignore since he sits right next to her.
 

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Not living together doesn't mean she's alone. It just means you aren't living together. It seems like she's goodat manipulating you. The reason to exaggerate is to manipulate you. She is trying to get you to do what she's wanting. She can ask to be moved away from him, or just ignore him.
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Very lofty goals and I applaud you for that. You do know this is your girlfriend not your child right? You can love her without feeling responsible for saving her from her own life. And you don't need to live with her in order for her to not feel alone.
 

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Maybe you could advise her to request a different class, or ask her instructor to move her to the other side of the room or up front.

There are plenty of other ways to resolve this issue, without you moving in together. Living together doesn't solve bullying at school.
 

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Her moving in STILL isn't going to stop the bully at school. Unless you plan on sitting with her at school...

Your girlfriend needs to learn to deal with things like this on her own, or she'll get picked on forever. And I agree with the others. You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of rescuing her. Better bet, offer to pay for counseling for her to work through her issues and give her the tools she needs for the real world. If she thinks HS is tough, she's in for a rude shakeup...

How long have you been going out?

C
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Not living together doesn't mean she's alone. It just means you aren't living together. It seems like she's goodat manipulating you. The reason to exaggerate is to manipulate you. She is trying to get you to do what she's wanting. She can ask to be moved away from him, or just ignore him.
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why would she manipulate me?
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Her moving in STILL isn't going to stop the bully at school. Unless you plan on sitting with her at school...

Your girlfriend needs to learn to deal with things like this on her own, or she'll get picked on forever. And I agree with the others. You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of rescuing her. Better bet, offer to pay for counseling for her to work through her issues and give her the tools she needs for the real world. If she thinks HS is tough, she's in for a rude shakeup...

How long have you been going out?

C
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7 months
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Very lofty goals and I applaud you for that. You do know this is your girlfriend not your child right? You can love her without feeling responsible for saving her from her own life. And you don't need to live with her in order for her to not feel alone.
It's not a done deal it's just a consideration
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Maybe you could advise her to request a different class, or ask her instructor to move her to the other side of the room or up front.

There are plenty of other ways to resolve this issue, without you moving in together. Living together doesn't solve bullying at school.
I hope it isn't too late to change classes, the school has a 3 day policy
 

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I don't mean to offend with the following post, but...

You're asking for a lifetime of hurt. You're both too young, too immature, and you haven't gotten to know each other well enough to seriously consider moving in together. If you do chose to do this, make sure you bookmark this site so you can come back in 5 or 10 years.

Sorry, but you're asking for advice. And you're getting a consistent message back. It may not be what you want to hear, but people aren't telling you it's a bad idea just cause they want to mess with your head. They're telling you it's a bad idea because they (we) want to help you, and keep you from making a mistake that can affect the rest of your life. It's your choice whether you accept the advice you've been given. I wish you nothing but the best, in any case.

C
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It's not a done deal it's just a consideration
I second what PBear said. You came here for advice and most of us are over over 40 so we're older and wiser than you are. We KNOW what you're getting yourself into if you let this girl move in with you after only 7 months of dating. You're doing it for all the wrong reasons. I know you feel responsible for her but you're not. She is responsible for her.

Support her and give her advice just do NOT let her move in with you that's all I'm saying.

If you agree to this after all of us here have said it's a bad idea then yes bookmark this site and come back when you're ready to hear we told you so.
 
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