[depressed dad]

I have been married for over twenty years. have two great kids. one in college, the other in high school. My wife and I started with almost nothing, stayed at our jobs and have become pretty sucessful. We are not rich, but we always got by.My wife runs the finances. I just make sure my checks keep coming in. Over the years I guess I was caught up in trying to make sure we were ok financially. fast foward to my daughter going to college. Our finances became very strained and along with all the other bills piling up, now my wife has found this hatred towards me. I have been acused of almost everything that has made our marriage bad. she wants to just bail out now, split everything and move on. I don't htiink this is her speaking really but i don't think that splitting up is the anwser. if we are having problems payning bills together, splitting up and trying to sync bills together will be a nightmare. can anyone please give me some advice? comments please? I don't know what to do.

 

[Entropy3000]

I read both of your posts. I come away thinking there is way more to this. If you both are working and bringing in money I do not see the issue.

I think there is something else. Maybe even someone else.

Perhaps this is the walk away wife syndrome. Perhaps she only was in this to see the kids go away to college.

But there is more.

 

[the guy]

There is always more.
But for now, do not beg or cry for this marriage, its unattractive and chicks dig confident men. So keep that attraction level up by showing your wife that you are confident in living a good life with or with out her.

A tactic that will get her to think twice in what she is about to lose.....a crying begging lumb of a man or a confident go getter that will not let his wife bull crap define him. Which is more attractive?

Work on your self and keep raising your attraction level by working out and excersize. Another tactic that will show her you can move on in a healthy way....the sooner she starts to second guess her choices the safer your marriage is.

With reguards to a safe marriage, I strongly suggest you do your own colvert investigation in finding out what and why you think something or some one has been influencing your wife.

Your investiagation could reveal a hidden drug habit or a toxic girl friend. Hopefully she hasn't found another man, but the point is you need to find out what you are fighting, so you can take the right approach in protecting you marriage.

Its wierd if it is pills or even booze her addiction is just like if she was in an affair.....in both case the addiction has to be met with tough love. Do you agree?

One more thing, if your old lady wants out then she leaves, never leave the marital home, it will not help you in the long run!

 

[depressed dad]

you both are right, there is more. my wife looks at her mother's marraige to her step father(who raised her). and tries to apply any problem we have with them. Well my father in-law is dead and my mother in-law lives close to us. My wife left her home on bad terms and moved in with me. I thought at the time it was al working out for the best. no complaints. over the years my wife started to not like her mother for how she said she raised her. funny though, everytime her mother calls, she runs. I never faulted her on that. thats her mom. What I do find funny is every problem we face always compares to her parents. her mom put her out over an argument with her dad. I let her stay with me. now twenty something years later, I should have told her about life , not let her stay with me, or better yet help her get on her feet and start a new life.really? she was my girlfriend at the time who didn't mind shacking up with me. I just think she uses all of that as an excuse to get out of this financial mess we are in. If we budgeted our monies right I'm sure my wife would have a hard time finding problems in our marriage.

 

[the guy]

I don't think your MIL has nearly as much influence on your wife current state.

But her new boy friend sure has! Do you know his name yet?

 

[Kurosity]

It is not about the money and the other things. If things are generally ok in the marriage then there are excuses being made so the truth does not have to come out.
You need to dig out everything in her closet, so to speak.

 

[Toffer]

Your wife may be involved with someone else or is seriously contemplating it. Right now she is re-writing your marital history to justify her actions

You need to find out what's going on NOW

First, go on line and review the cell phone bill. Are there a lot of texts/calls to 1 or 2 numbers? Do they happen late at night or early in the AM or other times you're not around?

Get a voice activated recorder and attach it under the front seat of her car with heavy duty velcro

Last, ger a keylogger on the PC

You also need to ask yourself if she keeps her cell phone by her side all the time. Is there a password on it now when there wasn't before? Is she dressing better or using more make-up?

Do not ask if she's cheating. You'll only ger a denial. Investigate quietly and gather hard evidence!

 

[happyman64]

Dad

Stick to me thread.

And listen to the crew.

Your wife has other issues and she is deceiving you.

So start digging.

HM64

 

[This is me]

This could very likely be a Mid-Life Crisis which is now playing out as a Walk-Away Wife Syndrome. Look for the Youtube video. I watched it and thought that it was taylor made for what we were going through. She has built up resentment from the depression of getting older and the pastures are looking greener over there.

The sad fall out of this mental glitch of aging is that it leads to cheating in the form of PA's and EA's, which cause the spouse to detach emotionally like you have described.

If you find evidence of another, heed my advice. Do not confront her until you get advice from people her on TAM. Not just anyone, but from a group of people. There are many with this experience that would benefit you to know the best ways to deal with this.