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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My wife who moved out with the OM says she's interested in coming back home on a "one-month trial basis." Meaning she's home, but keep in contact with OM. Ha! She wants to test the water and see if we can recapture what we once had. I kindly explained never before in our marriage did we have a third person, nor will we in the future, so any such "trial" won't accurately represent what our marriage can be. Monogamy or bust. And really, marriage is always a trial - you're free to leave anytime you want.

You know, this whole experience has been littered with artificial deadlines...first she was going to be separated for a month, then another month, then December 1, then February 1. I've stopped giving them any weight months ago, and am moving on. If she wants to come back, she can follow me. Anyone else's spouse keep tossing out such "deadlines"? "Okay, I'm gonna decide by January - no, Valentine's Day - no, the next lunar eclipse..."
 

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She would try that after already being filed on? Wow, there are no words that can speak to the mindframe of a WS.
 

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She wants to come home on a "one month trial"? That is adding insult to injury. If it were me, I'd say **** no! If she really wants to work it out, i think she would want to try really hard. It takes longer then a month to work these things out. I filed for D after 4 weeks. We as BS deserve more then their BS half azz attempts. IMO.
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You know, this whole experience has been littered with artificial deadlines...first she was going to be separated for a month, then another month, then December 1, then February 1. I've stopped giving them any weight months ago, and am moving on. If she wants to come back, she can follow me. Anyone else's spouse keep tossing out such "deadlines"? "Okay, I'm gonna decide by January - no, Valentine's Day - no, the next lunar eclipse..."
As I have mentioned before... I was an AP, nit a BS. That being said I can think of 4 different deadlines that I gave throughout the A, which lasted about a year.

If you want an honest perspective... she is waiting for him to make a move, the magic to wear off, some sort of sign that shows her to wake the heck up. She knows what she is giving up with you - she doesn't know what she would be giving up with him. She wants a sign... Problem is, that sign only happens when someone makes a conscious choice to move on a decision, and I don't think she will do that until either you or her OM make her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
As I have mentioned before... I was an AP, nit a BS. That being said I can think of 4 different deadlines that I gave throughout the A, which lasted about a year.

If you want an honest perspective... she is waiting for him to make a move, the magic to wear off, some sort of sign that shows her to wake the heck up. She knows what she is giving up with you - she doesn't know what she would be giving up with him. She wants a sign... Problem is, that sign only happens when someone makes a conscious choice to move on a decision, and I don't think she will do that until either you or her OM make her.
Much appreciated perspective. I'm sending her an email in the morning stating that I filed. Hopefully that'll knock her off the teeter-totter.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Also, she says the trial basis would be a good idea because it would give the OM a month to get used to the idea of not having her in his life. Wow, I wish you'd extended me the same courtesy when you announced you were having an affair and moved out the same night!
 

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How did she take it when you told her no?
I kindly explained never before in our marriage did we have a third person, nor will we in the future, so any such "trial" won't accurately represent what our marriage can be. Monogamy or bust.
That isn't exactly a 'no'...
 

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My wife who moved out with the OM says she's interested in coming back home
Last time she did this she lasted an hour. Called you at work to bring her and her stuff home from other man's house. You leave work and do it. She stays back in your house for one hour. ONE HOUR. Before she takes all her stuff and goes back to other man.

Many try to work it out for the sake of the kids. You have none.

What your wife has done to you over the past six months is very cruel. Why would you want to be with her?
 

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Also, she says the trial basis would be a good idea because it would give the OM a month to get used to the idea of not having her in his life. Wow, I wish you'd extended me the same courtesy when you announced you were having an affair and moved out the same night!
And she said this with a straight face?

Incredible that she would think that you would even consider that idea.

By that line of non-thought she must think that she's calling the shots and that you're waiting at home for her to come back.

The filing of D should be a shock to her system. Good for you.
 
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I'm sorry NDY... while I certainly respect your desire to work this out, I really think you deserve better. That being said, I hope things are able to be resolved as bet as possible for you. Sounds like you are due some happiness.
 

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My wife who moved out with the OM says she's interested in coming back home on a "one-month trial basis." Meaning she's home, but keep in contact with OM.
Wow, the fact hat she could even say this to you shows that she has no remorse and no respect for you or your marriage.

Your monogamy or bust answer was weak in that it told her that you would still take her back if only she would give up the other man. To a cheater this means that she gets to cheat without risk of losing you as long as she comes back. You have no kids, you need move on in your mind and not be willing to take her back. Maybe if she completely changes and shows true remorse you might want to think about if if she beg you long enough. Otherwise you need to know that there is someone out there for you that is will really love you, want to make you happy, and thank God everyday for having found you. You do not have to settle for this selfish person that would even think that such an offer was a good idea. When my brother finally had enough, he could not believe how quickly he found such a wonderful person and deeply regrets that he hung on to his old marraige for so long.
 

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My wife who moved out with the OM says she's interested in coming back home on a "one-month trial basis." Meaning she's home, but keep in contact with OM. Ha! She wants to test the water and see if we can recapture what we once had. I kindly explained never before in our marriage did we have a third person, nor will we in the future, so any such "trial" won't accurately represent what our marriage can be. Monogamy or bust. And really, marriage is always a trial - you're free to leave anytime you want.

You know, this whole experience has been littered with artificial deadlines...first she was going to be separated for a month, then another month, then December 1, then February 1. I've stopped giving them any weight months ago, and am moving on. If she wants to come back, she can follow me. Anyone else's spouse keep tossing out such "deadlines"? "Okay, I'm gonna decide by January - no, Valentine's Day - no, the next lunar eclipse..."
Considering what it has taken for you to get to this point just put your head down and keep moving forward with the divorce. Do not consider her for a second longer, you will wind up back at square one if you do. You will continue to deal with the OM and their affair if you take her back. Besides, she has shown you that she cannot be trusted and that she cannot make you a priority. Ignore her words and believe her actions.
 

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Here's a better "One Month Trial":

You go complete No Contact with her for one month. No contact whatsoever!

You need to break your addiction to her.

Go get a massage(s) by a woman massage therapist, so you can experience another woman's touch. A genuine massage, not a prostitute.

Start focusing on you...the "you" you used to be before you married her.

Time to start changing your brain chemistry.

Tell her that, starting today, you are beginning your 1 month trial without her in your life.
 
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Sounds like all is not well in her little "Fantasy Land" with the posOM ! Sure gets different when you have to live a REAL life with another person on a daily basis ! Good for you to D her sorry butt and move on with your life.
 
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The ego and delusions of a WS continue to astound.

Seeing the OM during the trial? And she thinks that's an option?

Did she send you a gold embossed note saying "Congratulations, I have selected you for my beauty contest. Good luck!"

You should tell her that during the "trial" separation she was competing against herself and she lost.
 
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