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She Wants To Come Back Now

39K views 108 replies 29 participants last post by  LongWalk 
#1 ·
Well, August 1st, she left. Got a place on her own then January 1st, she moved in her boyfriend to live with her. I have accepted that we'll never be together, have moved on and have a wonderful girlfriend of my own who I care about very deeply now.

Anyhow, today my soon to be ex, texts me like crazy saying she wants to come home, has asked her boyfriend to get out and just wants her old life back with me.

Uh?

When she left, she left as a walk away wife. She was having an affair with the very guy she is now kicking out. She seems so lost and I cannot trust her anymore. We have kids together, but that's not a good enough reason to reconcile in my mind. Plus I can't really forgive her for what she's done in cheating on me. PLUS I really like my girlfriend, she's an upgrade in every way.

Any advice?

:)
 
#11 ·
I'm a FWS so I feel for the woman...sorry. There's lots of these types of stories here where the BS has said no effin way and now they are reconciling. Look at Rookie4's threads.
Yes, I agree saying get back together for the kids is a guilt trip but is also legitimate. She shouldn't be using it tho.

Are you willing to give her a chance to prove herself? Obviously you are asking for a reason, something inside you somewhere is wondering if you should....

How long were you married? How old are you both? How many kids?
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#12 ·
I told her I wanted this before, she didn't. She gave up, ran away, broke my heart and refused to even consider giving me any chance. Now that things are done with her stupid BF, she wants to come back. How can I trust her again? (I can't). The love is gone and I'm not sure I want to even entertain getting hurt by her again, (which I think I would IF I ever got back with her).

She didn't like that but is really kissing ass at this point.

:)

I can't even imagine anything physical with her. All I'd be thinking of is her stupid ex BF. That would drive me crazy.
 
#15 ·
FWS - former wayward spouse.
To me, it sounds like you are still very angry. Plus you have someone new in your life which helps. 13 years and 4 kids is a lot to give up. Yes, I realize she gave it up first but you now have a chance to save it.

It is possible to reconcile but it takes two. Has she shown any remorse at all? Did she kick the bf out or did he dump her?

As FWS, you have to be prepared to live with our past decisions, but that doesn't mean others, like our spouses cannot forgive and rebuild. Sometimes it just takes time and commitment.
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#16 ·
I am angry, but getting better. Now I'm more angry at her stupidity then anything else. She destroyed a family with her actions. I played a part of course, but I took ownership of all my issues and fixed them. She ran like a coward right to another man.

She is now apologizing and she kicked him out literally today. She moves really quick and acts on emotion always. It's one extreme or another with her, never anything in between or working on things. Black or white rules with her. It's sad.

Forgiving would be tough at this point. Maybe if she had just been honest the whole time it would be different, but yeah, I don't tolerate lies very well.

:)
 
#17 ·
Well the fact that she dumped him is a good sign on her part.
And also a good sign that you recognize your own mistakes and worked to fix them. Not every WS is truly remorseful for their actions but before you make any quick decisions, I would give it some time and think things through. Read Rookie4's two threads. He went through the same thing. And him and his FWS are now reconciling after 2 years.
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#18 ·
I've been reading his threads. Thing is there's a new GF involved on my end too and we're getting pretty serious. I can't and won't hurt her just to take a chance on a person who has betrayed and hurt me so badly in the past.

This puts me in crappy position though because now the GF might start getting worried, (without merit), about me ever going back to the cheater. It almost seems that the soon to be ex, saw I was happy so she decided to try to control my new relationship or put strain on it on purpose.
 
#20 ·
i think if you want to take a risk, take it with the new GF. take it with someone who has not burned you.
as far as the title of your thread:
"she wants to come back now", all i can say is...
of course she does.
karma bus.
 
#21 ·
How long have you had the new girlfriend? When did xw find out about the girlfriend?
I understand you're hurt but I would still take some real time to think about it. If she only wants back because of the gf then that will come out, she won't be able to hide that. But if she is truly sorry and remorseful then considering reconciliation with your wife that you have a history and a child with, may be an option. I'm just trying to give you a second view.
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#22 ·
naga is dead on....if she realizes she can cheat, bedhop and beg you back....it will be a cycle. how much remorse is she disclosing? odds are better if you try something with the gf. the gf has never cheated on you and she may never. she may be your 'once in a lifetime'. if you return to your ex....say hello to anxiety and heavy drinking. want that? i didn't think so.

tell yourself to kiss your gf but imagine it's the last time you ever will. if you're gut tightens...there is you're answer.
 
#23 ·
I'm for FamilyFirst09. If you think that something can be done to reconcile and you just aren't sure she is sincere then wait until you know for sure.

For example, my ex knows EXACTLY what to do to reconcile. But she chooses not to. Makes it pretty simple doesn't it?
 
#26 ·
I believe you are making the right choice too. Not working and having to hire cleaning people? That is pure laziness. When I was laid off, I picked up the house while she worked. Didn't bother me a bit. Oh...the in-laws.....where were they when you're heart was broken? $500 says I can answer that.....and if so.....you should place their value on comments right along side the cab driver in Vegas at 4am.
 
#27 ·
Don't get me wrong, when she left, I tried hard to get her back. I changed everything about myself. I stopped being lazy, stopped being a jerk, stopped being a workaholic, stopped putting money before my family. I dropped over 100 lbs and am now in the best shape of my life mentally and physically. History is one thing, but our marriage sucked for a long time before she did this.

My dad cheated on my mom and they split when I was 11 years old. I remember my STBXW saying that "our split will not affect the kids if we're friends". That annoyed me. Split ups DO affect everyone, especially kids. She did not even cry when she gave me the "I love you but I'm not in love with you", spiel. (It's more like, I'm banging my trainer and I think the grass is greener over there).

I'm not insensitive, but fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I'm not going to let her have the chance to fool me twice. The day she breaks up with her BF she's wanting to come back? Yikes. So what if she came back, would she jump ship just as easily if not easier then last time she did it? That would always be on my mind too.

I've never got good advice from cabbies at 4 am in Vegas. I usually end up at a sub par strip club that they got paid to take me to! LOL
 
#31 ·
Don't get me wrong, when she left, I tried hard to get her back. I changed everything about myself. I stopped being lazy, stopped being a jerk, stopped being a workaholic, stopped putting money before my family. I dropped over 100 lbs and am now in the best shape of my life mentally and physically. History is one thing, but our marriage sucked for a long time before she did this.
You were lazy, a jerk, a workaholic and way overweight when she left?

Can you give some examples of what sort fo things you did that you label it this way?

What did you do that was so jerky?

How much time did you spend at work and how much time did you spend with her?
 
#28 ·
Thats exactly right. Now, in my situation there has been so much lying and deciet and hurt in my marriage, from both sides, my wife and i have decided to let it burn down and rebuild from the ashes of all that.
That is not for everyone. I saw this picture that was of two old folks and it had a caption that a reporter had aske them how they had managed to stay married for like 60 years or something. And the quote was "we come from a time where if something was broken, we fixed it instead of throwing it away. "
Now, thats how i was raised. Not everyone was. But i will tell you this, had i not been such a fvck up and treated my wife so bad for so long, well i reckon i would have hit the bricks had she done this to me. Kids or not. We have one and another coming any day now.
So i dont blame you at all. Or think you are wrong.
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