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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well, August 1st, she left. Got a place on her own then January 1st, she moved in her boyfriend to live with her. I have accepted that we'll never be together, have moved on and have a wonderful girlfriend of my own who I care about very deeply now.

Anyhow, today my soon to be ex, texts me like crazy saying she wants to come home, has asked her boyfriend to get out and just wants her old life back with me.

Uh?

When she left, she left as a walk away wife. She was having an affair with the very guy she is now kicking out. She seems so lost and I cannot trust her anymore. We have kids together, but that's not a good enough reason to reconcile in my mind. Plus I can't really forgive her for what she's done in cheating on me. PLUS I really like my girlfriend, she's an upgrade in every way.

Any advice?

:)
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Yeah I think I have. The only thing that would even make me consider getting back with her, is my kids. I love them, but I have to be happy too.
 

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You can still be good parents, even if you're not together. Concentrate on that.

C
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Good point. I grew up in a divorced household and know what it's like. I love the kids but if it weren't for them, I would probably never speak to my ex ever again, (soon to be ex that is).
 

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Hey,

if you are going to stay with the gf say goodbye. If you think you may have feelings for the ex don't let her move back in but date her and see how it works.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I don't have feelings for the ex, but she's pulling out the "we should try for the kids" line. Guilting me into anything is kinda dumb. My GF is way better. I just wanted to see if anyone else was going through this.

:)
 

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I'm a FWS so I feel for the woman...sorry. There's lots of these types of stories here where the BS has said no effin way and now they are reconciling. Look at Rookie4's threads.
Yes, I agree saying get back together for the kids is a guilt trip but is also legitimate. She shouldn't be using it tho.

Are you willing to give her a chance to prove herself? Obviously you are asking for a reason, something inside you somewhere is wondering if you should....

How long were you married? How old are you both? How many kids?
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I told her I wanted this before, she didn't. She gave up, ran away, broke my heart and refused to even consider giving me any chance. Now that things are done with her stupid BF, she wants to come back. How can I trust her again? (I can't). The love is gone and I'm not sure I want to even entertain getting hurt by her again, (which I think I would IF I ever got back with her).

She didn't like that but is really kissing ass at this point.

:)

I can't even imagine anything physical with her. All I'd be thinking of is her stupid ex BF. That would drive me crazy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
What's FWS? I'm not sure of the lingo here.

We were married just shy of 13 years. 4 kids. Late 30's both of us.

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I'm also a formerly wayward spouse, and if I went crawling back to my wife, I wouldn't be expecting much mercy. I would expect to live with my decision.

C
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FWS - former wayward spouse.
To me, it sounds like you are still very angry. Plus you have someone new in your life which helps. 13 years and 4 kids is a lot to give up. Yes, I realize she gave it up first but you now have a chance to save it.

It is possible to reconcile but it takes two. Has she shown any remorse at all? Did she kick the bf out or did he dump her?

As FWS, you have to be prepared to live with our past decisions, but that doesn't mean others, like our spouses cannot forgive and rebuild. Sometimes it just takes time and commitment.
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I am angry, but getting better. Now I'm more angry at her stupidity then anything else. She destroyed a family with her actions. I played a part of course, but I took ownership of all my issues and fixed them. She ran like a coward right to another man.

She is now apologizing and she kicked him out literally today. She moves really quick and acts on emotion always. It's one extreme or another with her, never anything in between or working on things. Black or white rules with her. It's sad.

Forgiving would be tough at this point. Maybe if she had just been honest the whole time it would be different, but yeah, I don't tolerate lies very well.

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Well the fact that she dumped him is a good sign on her part.
And also a good sign that you recognize your own mistakes and worked to fix them. Not every WS is truly remorseful for their actions but before you make any quick decisions, I would give it some time and think things through. Read Rookie4's two threads. He went through the same thing. And him and his FWS are now reconciling after 2 years.
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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
I've been reading his threads. Thing is there's a new GF involved on my end too and we're getting pretty serious. I can't and won't hurt her just to take a chance on a person who has betrayed and hurt me so badly in the past.

This puts me in crappy position though because now the GF might start getting worried, (without merit), about me ever going back to the cheater. It almost seems that the soon to be ex, saw I was happy so she decided to try to control my new relationship or put strain on it on purpose.
 

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Yep my ex is all nice with me even though I have a gf. She lived with om for about a year. Guess the grass isn't greener sometimes. Sounds like you should focus on your kids and gf.:)
 

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I've been reading his threads. Thing is there's a new GF involved on my end too and we're getting pretty serious. I can't and won't hurt her just to take a chance on a person who has betrayed and hurt me so badly in the past.

This puts me in crappy position though because now the GF might start getting worried, (without merit), about me ever going back to the cheater. It almost seems that the soon to be ex, saw I was happy so she decided to try to control my new relationship or put strain on it on purpose.
i think if you want to take a risk, take it with the new GF. take it with someone who has not burned you.
as far as the title of your thread:
"she wants to come back now", all i can say is...
of course she does.
karma bus.
 
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