[bluegoose]

Did she win the contest?

She did and I told her I can separate what she did in our marriage and how she hurt me from her accomplishment, training, dedication and work and congratulated her.
This after she lied to my face even the night before the competition about her $750 in bikini's when it came out she bought 2 not 1 and then lied to my face the 2nd was free with the competition suit... I guess she forgot I knew where she bought the competition suit and that the order and payment form for the practice suit is right on the site.

When I called her out on it she wasn't even phased and made out as though it was my fault for complaining about what she does...
I really am a f-ing sap...

 

[1Autumn72]

What was her career transition? I’m wondering if it may have been something like an MLM. They post on social media a lot, etc.

 

[ccpowerslave]

Seems like a big deal would be to get her to stop lying. Maybe seeing a psychologist would help her.

 

[bluegoose]

What was her career transition? I’m wondering if it may have been something like an MLM. They post on social media a lot, etc.

She wanted to give up her desk job and become a trainer. When it never took off I was actually the one that helped her find the role she is in now doing what she loves where she is finally making money again and feeling good about her job. Her needing to leave was part of the thank you...

 

[bluegoose]

Seems like a big deal would be to get her to stop lying. Maybe seeing a psychologist would help her.

The issue is she is not honest with them either...

 

[BigDaddyNY]

The issue is she is not honest with them either...

She appears to be a broken woman and you recognized it too late. The quicker you remove her from your life the sooner you can start to get over this mess.

 

[lifeistooshort]

This kind of look at meeeeeeeeee attitude doesn't get better with age.

Do yourself a favor and get out...you don't want to be around for the **** show when she turns 50.

 

[Cynthia]

Good job in not signing onto her lease. That will make things easier.
Have you found an attorney yet? That should be the next step. File asap and get it over with. She's leaving you, so it's best to cut your losses and get this over as quickly as possible.
I'm sorry your heart is broken. You are dealing with a disordered woman.

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[Evinrude58]

I am sad to say that when you are finally forced to divorce her, the way she appears to her family will have zero bearing on whether she takes you to the cleaners. It’s obvious by your description that she is most definitely going to do that and you have done and continued to do everything you can to ensure she does.

Id you could do one thing for yourself, just force yourself to get the best, meanest, most notorious divorce attorney you can find, have him do whatever he can for you, and pay someone to kidnap you, take you to a each in the coubtry with no cell service, and no way to hurt yourself by listening to this horrible woman…. Until you’re divorced.

You are your own worst enemy. I’m sorry.
btw, how much of that bikini contest prize money did you see? Did she contribute any of it to that Hawaii trip? Also, women who seek such attention are notoriously promiscuous.
I wouldn’t get near her if I were you, even when if she Tried to throw sone sex on you to extract sone more money.

 

[Openminded]

Well, now you know. What’s your plan?

 

[re16]

OP

It sounds like you let your fondness for her cloud your judgement. She is not spouse material, period. Lawyer up now.

Do not get her pregnant.

Be aware of false claims when you announce you are ending it.

 

[bluegoose]

Good job in not signing onto her lease. That will make things easier.
Have you found an attorney yet? That should be the next step. File asap and get it over with. She's leaving you, so it's best to cut your losses and get this over as quickly as possible.
I'm sorry your heart is broken. You are dealing with a disordered woman.

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I have been speaking to a few. Most are recommending that I at least try a voluntary payment and non-contested agreement to give up something now to prevent giving up a lot later, especially while she is asking for it...

I am sad to say that when you are finally forced to divorce her, the way she appears to her family will have zero bearing on whether she takes you to the cleaners. It’s obvious by your description that she is most definitely going to do that and you have done and continued to do everything you can to ensure she does.

Id you could do one thing for yourself, just force yourself to get the best, meanest, most notorious divorce attorney you can find, have him do whatever he can for you, and pay someone to kidnap you, take you to a each in the coubtry with no cell service, and no way to hurt yourself by listening to this horrible woman…. Until you’re divorced.

You are your own worst enemy. I’m sorry.
btw, how much of that bikini contest prize money did you see? Did she contribute any of it to that Hawaii trip? Also, women who seek such attention are notoriously promiscuous.
I wouldn’t get near her if I were you, even when if she Tried to throw sone sex on you to extract sone more money.

Don't be sorry, I agree with your assessment. I'm just working on being strong enough to do something about it... I also have the same fears about what will happen when push comes to shove. There was no money from the competition, it was amateur... The trip and competition were paid for entirely with the money that should have been contributed to the marriage...

Well, now you know. What’s your plan?

For right now it is try to grey rock, be completely non responsive, not get baited into anything and support her in her endeavor to move out. Simultaneously I am going to make an "offer" for a non-contested divorce and offer her something to go away as soon as she is out. I am also asking her to sign an informal document stating I am only paying first 3 months of rent +security and then it's on her.
I was at least intelligent enough to keep finances separate, house is in my name, no joint credit cards and she would not get alimony for less than 3 years marriage. No kids so no child support but I also know what she would get if she gets a ruthless go after him for everything attorney but b/c of wage discrepancies I have to PAY for her lawyer too...
So that is the plan. That is in addition to speaking to an individual counselor, also continuing with the couples counselor we were seeing who is supportive of the marriage ending, trying to remember to breathe, eat, sleep, work and just keep moving forward.

 

[Cynthia]

You've only been married 3 years. Wouldn't she only be entitled to assets accumulated during that 3 year period?

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[Tdbo]

Look up the 180 and implement it immediately.
Sort your personal affairs and find a nice toothy attorney.
Have her served coldly in a manner that she would find shocking.
Let Mr. or Ms Toothy take care of the rest.
Get yourself some counseling to fix both yourself and your picker.
Discard this one. Let her be her own worst enemy.

 

[SunCMars]

This kind of look at meeeeeeeeee attitude doesn't get better with age.

Do yourself a favor and get out...you don't want to be around for the **** show when she turns 50.

You mean the shift show.

When everything shifts downward.

On men and women, of course!

 

[Exit37]

I have been speaking to a few. Most are recommending that I at least try a voluntary payment and non-contested agreement to give up something now to prevent giving up a lot later, especially while she is asking for it...


Don't be sorry, I agree with your assessment. I'm just working on being strong enough to do something about it... I also have the same fears about what will happen when push comes to shove. There was no money from the competition, it was amateur... The trip and competition were paid for entirely with the money that should have been contributed to the marriage...


For right now it is try to grey rock, be completely non responsive, not get baited into anything and support her in her endeavor to move out. Simultaneously I am going to make an "offer" for a non-contested divorce and offer her something to go away as soon as she is out. I am also asking her to sign an informal document stating I am only paying first 3 months of rent +security and then it's on her.
I was at least intelligent enough to keep finances separate, house is in my name, no joint credit cards and she would not get alimony for less than 3 years marriage. No kids so no child support but I also know what she would get if she gets a ruthless go after him for everything attorney but b/c of wage discrepancies I have to PAY for her lawyer too...
So that is the plan. That is in addition to speaking to an individual counselor, also continuing with the couples counselor we were seeing who is supportive of the marriage ending, trying to remember to breathe, eat, sleep, work and just keep moving forward.

Edit - my mistake, no prenup. Still a very short marriage.

You are making a lot of assumptions…. Get that ruthless lawyer yourself, NOW. Do not wait. She is working, why would you pay for her lawyer? She is choosing to move out, why would you pay ANY of her rent? Have the lawyer write up the offer that corresponds with the prenup, sure give her a few months rent if you think that will get her to go away but you could potentially give her lawyer ammunition to invalidate the prenup if you start offering her things that are excluded by that prenup. Have your lawyer write up the offer that follows the prenup and is favorable to you, and get it done. Then get into IC to get some help with your picker so you don’t end up in a situation like this in the future. Good luck.


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[Exit37]

in addition to speaking to an individual counselor, also continuing with the couples counselor we were seeing who is supportive of the marriage ending, trying to remember to breathe, eat, sleep, work and just keep moving forward.

Why would you continue with joint counseling with her?? Maybe I’m reading that wrong…. OP, you need to quit giving her opportunities to get her claws in you. Do not do joint counseling during the divorce, you don’t even share children. No reason at all to do that.


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[Cynthia]

Yes she did and I allowed it every step of the way... I still don't know the full damage to be blunt. As someone else rightly pointed out I was STUPID enough to do this without a prenup.

Alright, you made some mistakes, but it's time to stop wallowing in self-hatred. She has way too much space in your head. She tricked you. You were in love. It happens.
You've met with some attorneys, which is good, but this is something you should move on quickly. I don't know how she could "take you to the cleaners" when you've only been married for 3 years. Even if you're making millions of dollars a year and she takes you for three years worth, it's not the end of the world. You can make that back. Don't let money be a driving factor. Peace of mind is worth more than gold.

 

[Evinrude58]

Hire an attorney and file TODAY. Not Monday, not next week, not next month. The faster you get this done, the better it will be.

Here’s something to munch on:

you are about 45 yrs old I think? You make good money. You married a woman with only one good quality apparently.

you should be living the time of your life. Dating beautiful women that either treat you like a king and rock your world in bed or you go to the next one. Traveling the world. Doing whatever it is that makes you happy.

It is only YOURSELF that is preventing you from ditching this wild beast (someone said albatross and I think that is appropriate) of a woman and moving on.

please just take one step out of the way so you can proceed to some happiness in life. Hire that attorney and file immediately.

and one last thing: why in the hell would you pay three months rent for a woman that is leaving you after robbing you blind?

you need a friend to beat you senselessly over the head with a 2x4 until you start thinking logically.

 

[Cynthia]

and one last thing: why in the hell would you pay three months rent for a woman that is leaving you after robbing you blind?

To get her out of his house. He said that earlier. He's helping her leave. It's not like he's hurting for money. If he uses some of his cash to move more quickly towards happiness, then good for him.