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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The title says it all. We have been married for 2.5 years and last night she tells me she cares about me but is no longer in love with me and that our she is done. The problem is we have always had a rocky marriage, mostly due to me. Up until a few weeks ago I didn't love her either, then one morning I woke up looked myself in the mirror and didn't like who I had become. That's when I realized that I loved her, and that I was still in love with her. And for that reason I want to change to better myself and to be a better husband to her. I just think it's too late. So I guess I'm just asking if I should just prove to her that I can be better? I've said so much already and never followed through so telling her won't work. And I really don't know what to say to her, nothing I can say will help.

For me right now I want to prove to her that I am better than the man she married. I just hope I can show her what I can become not only for me, but her. Has anyone else fell out of love with their partner only to realize later you still love them?
 

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The title says it all. We have been married for 2.5 years and last night she tells me she cares about me but is no longer in love with me and that our she is done. The problem is we have always had a rocky marriage, mostly due to me. Up until a few weeks ago I didn't love her either, then one morning I woke up looked myself in the mirror and didn't like who I had become. That's when I realized that I loved her, and that I was still in love with her. And for that reason I want to change to better myself and to be a better husband to her. I just think it's too late. So I guess I'm just asking if I should just prove to her that I can be better? I've said so much already and never followed through so telling her won't work. And I really don't know what to say to her, nothing I can say will help.

For me right now I want to prove to her that I am better than the man she married. I just hope I can show her what I can become not only for me, but her. Has anyone else fell out of love with their partner only to realize later you still love them?
I suggest couples counselling. This can either bring a couple together or help them have a more amicable exit from their relationship.
 

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i dont have any advice for you, but just wanted to say that i wish my WH would have "woken up" to realize he loved me.

i pray for it daily, but nothing seems to change.
dont kill yourself over it, you cant make her care or love you. just make sure you put yourself first.

cuz no one else will.

(((huggs)))
 

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Cut her lose and try improving yourself. If she falls on hard times
you will be the first guy she will think of for a handout.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks for all the quick advice. I don't believe she is in love with anyone, but that doesn't mean there isn't a ER PR that she is having with someone else. If there is, I wouldn't be mad at her because of what I put her through. So in the end you guys/gals are right. I need to continue improving myself and put myself first for once. And while I will still hold out hope I can show her I am the man she once loved. If not, time eases all pain.
 

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if she is you should be mad and you should blame her. no one can make you do something you dont want to. I wish u the best of luck. I fought hard for my ex-wife to love me back after she had had enough of my bs, of course it didnt work.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
@setinmyways - I would be mad at the person she was with not her because my BS drove her there. And no matter what I will not go down with out fighting for her. Because I'm not changing for her but because of her, she made me a better person. I just hope I can prove that to her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Yea that is true. The only person to blame is myself. And while I will continue to improve myself I will always hold out hope that maybe that will prove to her that I'm better than that man she married. I'm hoping she just made a rash decision.
 

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What exactly did you do?

How is it you think you have treated her or behaved so badly.

A little or a lot more info from you would get you better advice and insight into your dilema.
 

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I just think it's too late.
It is. 2.5 years, no kids. It sucks, but now you know how to treat your next wife.

I will say it for the 1,000th time: Two days of pre-marriage counseling and it was all group hugs and "it'll get tough, but hang in there".

CHANGE THAT: "Kids, there is a crisis in this country and NOBODY is talking about it. Take a good look at that blushing bride of yours that is in a different room getting the female equivalent of this talk. There is a MASSIVE chance that she will start falling out of love with you and you WILL NOT KNOW IT. Unfortunately, research also discovered that they don't tell you until it's too late".

The spend the rest of the two days is spent on how to discover it, prevent it, deal with it. I don't know how. I'm not one of the experts (that have been ignoring this epidemic for 200 years). I'm just one of the fools that got blindsided by it.

But I'm 50. I'm old. 3 kids. I'm trapped in this misery with no present and an uncertain future. And I'll spare you about what this revelation did to what I thought was a happy 20 years of PAST!

I actually envy you.
 

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It might be too late.

My ex h treated me horribly. Once I had my mind made up that I was leaving, I left without looking back. I was in MC and they told me I needed to exit the marriage ASAP. It was very easy to leave. My ex h did not want to divorce.
 

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The title says it all. We have been married for 2.5 years and last night she tells me she cares about me but is no longer in love with me and that our she is done. The problem is we have always had a rocky marriage, mostly due to me. Up until a few weeks ago I didn't love her either, then one morning I woke up looked myself in the mirror and didn't like who I had become. That's when I realized that I loved her, and that I was still in love with her. And for that reason I want to change to better myself and to be a better husband to her. I just think it's too late. So I guess I'm just asking if I should just prove to her that I can be better? I've said so much already and never followed through so telling her won't work. And I really don't know what to say to her, nothing I can say will help.

For me right now I want to prove to her that I am better than the man she married. I just hope I can show her what I can become not only for me, but her. Has anyone else fell out of love with their partner only to realize later you still love them?
I think there is hope for you.

But remember hope is not a plan.

You are right, words without actions don't work anymore for you.

First book a counseling appointment. Read all the suggested books you will see on here on building a healthy marriage. Read as many threads as possible on this forum.

If she is moving out, let her go gracefully telling her you are making it your #1 priority to improve yourself & to win her back & this is important.....IF SHE CHOOSES.

Good luck.
 

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The title says it all. We have been married for 2.5 years and last night she tells me she cares about me but is no longer in love with me and that our she is done. The problem is we have always had a rocky marriage, mostly due to me. Up until a few weeks ago I didn't love her either, then one morning I woke up looked myself in the mirror and didn't like who I had become. That's when I realized that I loved her, and that I was still in love with her. And for that reason I want to change to better myself and to be a better husband to her. I just think it's too late. So I guess I'm just asking if I should just prove to her that I can be better? I've said so much already and never followed through so telling her won't work. And I really don't know what to say to her, nothing I can say will help.

For me right now I want to prove to her that I am better than the man she married. I just hope I can show her what I can become not only for me, but her. Has anyone else fell out of love with their partner only to realize later you still love them?


Raines, right now I feel Like I'm in the same position as your wife.
I'm about ready to give up trying. The only difference being that on the whole our marriage was a very happy one with just a few blips.
It's only the last few years that have been unhappy and bloody hard work. I still love my husband and all I've ever wanted was for him to put me and our kids first. To treat me as he used to.

Actions speak volumes, tell her your sorry and your going to change- then do it! Don't try to fill her with BS just put all your effort into being a better person for you and for her.
I hope you can turn things around and make amends, if you can't save your marriage at least make the seperation easier on both of you.
Learn from the mistakes you've both made and try not to repeat them. All we ever want is to be happy, loved and safe. It's not much to ask. I wish you luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 · (Edited)
Honestly I don't think she is going to give me one more chance. Which she shouldn't, I slowly pushed her away and then after it was too late I did everything you are not suppose to do. I smothered, was clingy, and tried too hard. No woman wants that in her man, I was just so desperate to make it work I was willing to do anything. If I do bring our relationship up it just makes her mad and she leaves, because that was one of the problems. I would always bring stupid stuff up and never fix anything.

Like another poster said, the problem with too late is that it's too late. So this morning after my first solo skydiving jump I realized that I'm going to keep improving myself. And although I wish it wasn't too late for this marriage at some point you have to decide to turn move on. I'll keep a glimmer of that hope in the back of my mind, but I won't let it control me. I'll let her go. Because in the end she deserved more than I could ever give her.
 

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Thats sweet that you went skydiving.
Thats the one thing i have always been too scared to do.
I know if i did, it would probably be the best thing i ever could do.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
@Naga75 - Yea that's something that she got me into awhile ago with a tandem and then I planned on getting my license, just never did of course. But I still love it, the feeling you get is something else completely. And you will meet so many great people that makes it all worth it.
 
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