[AE86freak]

we ware both in our twenties, Her 27 and me 29. We have one son who is about to be two years old. My wife always saw herself being a stay at home mom, Especially since her mom was one (until her parents split). When we met six years ago, she should have know that I wouldn't be able to provide that life for her, but after only six months of dating, she was convincenced that she wanted to be married to me. 4 yrs into our relationship, I was still living at home with my parents and working while getting my degree. We were engaged and my mom warned us to be careful not to get pregnant cuz I was in no position to provide for a family. Fast forward, she got pregnant the engagment was cut short and thankfully, I got a Good enough Job that we could both work and start our life together as Husban and wife and new parents. She accepts that she will probably end up being a working mother, but she's cried on a few occasions cuz she feels like everyone else is raising our boy but her. Sometimes he's asleep when she goes to work and when she picks him up form the sitter he's sleeping by the time they arrive home. She feel's she missed out on precious moments that she's always wanted to share with her child. They guilt and pain of her not being home with our son isn't something she wants to repeat and says that if we can't afford for her to be at home, then no more kids.

I agree in a way, because half of the reason I wanted to be an Engineer growing up, is so that my wife will only have to work if she wants to. I don't resent her, but I feel sad sometimes thinking that my son is the only child and will probably be by himself with no siblings (I have 4 brothers and a sister). And I always wanted to have that special daddy & Daughter bond but I might not even have the option to see if we could have a daugter.

I don't want to resent her and I don't now. How can I be sure I won't resent her in the future?

 

[AE86freak]

The reason for the title of the post is because she doesn't want anymore kids unless she can transistion into being a stay at home mom. I think that's kinda selfish.

 

[tacoma]

She accepts that she will probably end up being a working mother, but she's cried on a few occasions cuz she feels like everyone else is raising our boy but her. Sometimes he's asleep when she goes to work and when she picks him up form the sitter he's sleeping by the time they arrive home. She feel's she missed out on precious moments that she's always wanted to share with her child. They guilt and pain of her not being home with our son isn't something she wants to repeat and says that if we can't afford for her to be at home, then no more kids.

Hmm..what about you?

She becomes a stay at home mom, has more kids and you have to work even harder and longer.

That means YOU miss out on being with your child.

She is selfish don`t let her go there.

Personally if she doesn`t want more kids then she shouldn`t have any but if it was your agreement before marriage that you`d have more and she`d work and now she`s balking that`s a dealbreaker.

As a man with three kids I can tell you, one is more than enough.

 

[FrankKissel]

There's nothing selfish about her reasoning, far as I can tell. If, under present circumstances, she doesn't believe she can be raise another child, why should she be expected to?

Selfish is demanding/expecting someone to carry, birth and raise a child when she (or he ... As far as the raising goes) doesn't want to. Selfish is choosing to bring a child into the world when you feel unable/unprepared to care for him or her.

Tacoma .... where in OP's posts does it state she agreed to work AND have as many kids as her husband wanted? To the contrary, she made it be known that she preferred being a stay-at-home mom.
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[tacoma]

Yes Frank that's why I used the word "If" in the beginning of that statement .

If you are going to insist on being confrontational at least read for content please
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[that_girl]

I don't think that's selfish at all.

She has her ideals and she doesn't want other people raising your children.

 

[FrankKissel]

Yes Frank that's why I used the word "If" in the beginning of that statement .

If you are going to insist on being confrontational at least read for content please
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Yes, yes. I'm sure you were offering that statement merely as a hypothetical.
Were you also speculating when you stated she was selfish?
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[LovesHerMan]

Have you two discussed ways to cut expenses? I stayed at home when our children were young, and I don't regret it. It wasn't easy, but I bought used clothing, we ate at home every night, our house was small, we bought used cars, we went to dollar movies, etc. There are lots of ways that you can afford to let your wife stay home if you are careful with your money. See if you can brainstorm together ways that you can cut your expenses.

 

[Complexity]

Be sensitive to your wife's grievances. She will resent the hell out of you in the future.

 

[that_girl]

A selfish reason would be because she doesn't want to gain weight.

Not saying it's not valid (pregnancy is hell on our bodies) but that would be selfish (neither good nor bad).

 

[FirstYearDown]

Being a mother seems much harder than being a dad. Of course, I am only on the outside looking in.

Women are the ones that have to suffer through pregnancy and childbirth. Mothers often do the lion's share of the childrearing. So it is always easy for a man to say he wants more kids, because he is hardly going through anything compared to the woman.

Even if you deem her reasons as selfish, there is nothing wrong with that. People need to think of themselves sometimes in order to be good parents to the children that they already have.

One of the main reasons we will not have children is I do not think that I am strong enough to handle all that comes with bearing children. I have no desire to pack on more pounds when I trying to lose weight. My reasons are selfish, but only I know what I can endure.

 

[AE86freak]

Thank you all fro your responses. I quess I should either grind to make a way for the stay-at-home-mom situation to be realized or suck it up and just be the best dad to the one child I have now.

 

[Hicks]

I agree she is not being selfish. She wants to be a mother to her children. That is entirely reasonable and right. I see that she has strong values and the right set of values. I agree that you should manage your life in such a way that she can stay home with the children, since that seems to be her calling. Your role as a man is to "provide" for your family. Realize that she is only 27 years old, and she can have kids for another 15 years so this gives you time to get set up.