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I saw this on Facebook recently. And it's so true. I was a walkaway wife, because my husband could never understand this.

Especially the idea that it was unfair for him to say that she should just tell him what to do, and he would do it, because it still lays all of the responsibility on her... So true.
 

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I would say that woman has lead a very charmed life if that's what would take to end a marriage.
Maybe it is a charmed life. A century ago, we wouldn't have been allowed to leave at all. You get that's it not just about dishes, right?

The wife doesn’t want to divorce her husband because he leaves used drinking glasses by the sink.

She wants to divorce him because she feels like he doesn’t respect or appreciate her, which suggests he doesn’t love her, and she can’t count on him to be her lifelong partner.
 

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Bwahahahaha

If you assign that much meaning to a glass next to the sink, the problem isn't that the world (and your husband) doesn't conform to your value system, it's that your value system is totally skewed.

Go back to your romance novels and let him find a real woman.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Read the article @richie33. It's not really about the dishes.

For me, I was completely complicit in my X's passive aggressive refusal to deal with house hold chores. I took care of everything, bills, household duties, insurance, etc. He would only do something if I asked him to do it, and usually it took multiple times of asking and then finally getting pissed before he would do it.

In the beginning, I rationalized it. He was in school and it was my job to support him. But once he got out of school, I started expecting him to pull his weight. But it was too late. The pattern had been established and he had no interest in changing it. So he "fell in love" with a younger version of me who didn't want anything from him. But the truth was, I too was heading towards being a walk a way wife. I really resented him by the end.

He had this weird fear of being emasculated that he was unwilling to do anything just because I wanted it. So there was no effort to care for me. And of course, as this began to progress, I began to pull back and became hostile.

And I have to say, at least at this point, I'm not willing go through that again. I'm going to give birth if I'm going to be someones mother.
 

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Maybe it is a charmed life. A century ago, we wouldn't have been allowed to leave at all. You get that's it not just about dishes, right?
I am sure it's not. But that same man was most likely the same way while they were dating. A ring doesn't magically change a person.
 

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I like tater-tots.


My W does not like going to bed or leaving the house with dishes in the sink. Some people just have their thing.
 

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Maybe it is a charmed life. A century ago, we wouldn't have been allowed to leave at all. You get that's it not just about dishes, right?
That's exactly the problem, it's too easy to get divorced these days and when you do, women get rewarded for it. We should go back to the way it was, where you really can't get a divorce.
 

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I am sure it's not. But that same man was most likely the same way while they were dating. A ring doesn't magically change a person.
No, it doesn't. But the author said that he felt the ring entitled him to her respect, and he learned the hard way that he was wrong too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Bwahahahaha

If you assign that much meaning to a glass next to the sink, the problem isn't that the world (and your husband) doesn't conform to your value system, it's that your value system is totally skewed.

Go back to your romance novels and let him find a real woman.
I love how you just proved the authors point.

Here is my priority in a relationship, my wants and needs are just as important as his. In a relationship I believe it's my responsibility to figure out what makes him happy (or at least happier) and do it. I don't do things that make his life more difficult or more irritating. But that's a two streak. And I hate to say it, but I rarely see examples of men going out of their way for their wives happiness as much as the women go out of their way for their husbands. (This isn't always true. It does happen.) And in fact men are chastised for doing that. Ever heard of the term "***** whipped"? It's not socially acceptable to care about your wife's feelings. It's not socially acceptable to understand and respect that she has different values and responsibilities.

But here's the thing, I don't have to put up with that. I work full time as well. I don't have to stay married. (And I didn't.) I used to be totally pro marriage. But having done it, I got to say, it was a raw deal for me and I'm not sure I would want to do it again. (To note: I do take responsibility for my failing marriage. I was completely codependent. Sadly, when I stepped back hoping he would do his share he couldn't do it. But what can I expect, he never could it.)
 

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Some men do wash the dishes, do the laundry, we vacuum, pick up the kids, clean the house, and we even iron....does that mean we can also walk away because of a sexless marriage......is this a equal opportunity to walk away for men as well...because i have people who count on me, i have bills to pay, i don't have the luxury to walk away.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I am sure it's not. But that same man was most likely the same way while they were dating. A ring doesn't magically change a person.
This is exactly true. But sadly women are taught that we are supposed to put up with it. It's on us to suck it up.

If you read the article, (I really suggest you do.) This man is talking about what he did wrong in his marriage.

But man, it just reminded me of all my resentments towards my ex.
 

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This is exactly true. But sadly women are taught that we are supposed to put up with it. It's on us to suck it up.

If you read the article, (I really suggest you do.) This man is talking about what he did wrong in his marriage.

But man, it just reminded me of all my resentments towards my ex.
Well I guess the tides have change cause us men are now dealing the same behaviors from their wives.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
That's exactly the problem, it's too easy to get divorced these days and when you do, women get rewarded for it. We should go back to the way it was, where you really can't get a divorce.
No, the exact problem is that you probably really believe this.

Women only get rewarded for ending a marriage, because their lives improve once they shed all that dead weight. At least that's the case for me.

And to be honest, my ex was a hell of a lot better off when we divorced than he was when we started.
 

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Some men do wash the dishes, do the laundry, we vacuum, pick up the kids, clean the house, and we even iron....does that mean we can also walk away because of a sexless marriage......is this a equal opportunity to walk away for men as well...because i have people who count on me, i have bills to pay, i don't have the luxury to walk away.
MEANINGLESS! You left a glass in the sink. That's it! We are done! :grin2:
 

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I love how you just proved the authors point.

Here is my priority in a relationship, my wants and needs are just as important as his. In a relationship I believe it's my responsibility to figure out what makes him happy (or at least happier) and do it. I don't do things that make his life more difficult or more irritating. But that's a two streak. And I hate to say it, but I rarely see examples of men going out of their way for their wives happiness as much as the women go out of their way for their husbands. (This isn't always true. It does happen.) And in fact men are chastised for doing that. Ever heard of the term "***** whipped"? It's not socially acceptable to care about your wife's feelings. It's not socially acceptable to understand and respect that she has different values and responsibilities.

But here's the thing, I don't have to put up with that. I work full time as well. I don't have to stay married. (And I didn't.) I used to be totally pro marriage. But having done it, I got to say, it was a raw deal for me and I'm not sure I would want to do it again. (To note: I do take responsibility for my failing marriage. I was completely codependent. Sadly, when I stepped back hoping he would do his share he couldn't do it. But what can I expect, he never could it.)
It really irritates me that my wife's bra and panties often don't match.

I mean, it's a small thing that would only take an extra few seconds out of her day, and would mean a lot to me.

It must mean that she's quite the ***** for not conforming to my value system, and that she doesn't love me, and deserves to be divorced.

Bwahahahaha!
 

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Some men do wash the dishes, do the laundry, we vacuum, pick up the kids, clean the house, and we even iron....does that mean we can also walk away because of a sexless marriage......is this a equal opportunity to walk away for men as well...because i have people who count on me, i have bills to pay, i don't have the luxury to walk away.
Of course you can leave. You just choose not to, because you feel you have greater obligations. And some of us feel we can meet our obligations better on our own than with our partner. That may, or may not, be true for you.
 

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From the article:

"She wants to divorce him because she feels like he doesn’t respect or appreciate her, which suggests he doesn’t love her, and she can’t count on him to be her lifelong partner. She can’t trust him. She can’t be safe with him. Thus, she must leave and find a new situation in which she can feel content and secure."

I wish more men understood this. It is the small things that pile up over time that often break a marriage, the small things that leave her feeling alone. And finally she decides that if she feels alone, she might as well be alone. Then she won't have to worry about that glass anymore.

Great thread, BW.
 

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From the article:

"She wants to divorce him because she feels like he doesn’t respect or appreciate her, which suggests he doesn’t love her, and she can’t count on him to be her lifelong partner. She can’t trust him. She can’t be safe with him. Thus, she must leave and find a new situation in which she can feel content and secure."

I wish more men understood this. It is the small things that pile up over time that often break a marriage, the small things that leave her feeling alone. And finally she decides that if she feels alone, she might as well be alone. Then she won't have to worry about that glass anymore.

Great thread, BW.
If you feel alone because of a glass next to a sink, news flash -- you're alone of your own volition.

There's a great big world out there filled with grown ups with grown up issues and grown up problems.

Perhaps one day this guy's wife will join the rest of us in it.

But I wouldn't hold my breath.
 
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